Lost and Floating on the Open Sea

by Samantha on January 31, 2012

I have a confession to make…I’m lost. My brain feels like it’s on the fritz most days, and I’m having trouble focusing. I know I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not sure how to get there. There are days when I share and share, but I feel like no one’s listening anymore, and honestly, I can’t blame them. I’ve lost touch with so many people who I used to talk to every day. I’ve lost touch with myself too, and I’m trying to get that back. I’m trying to get back to taking good care of myself and working on self-love. I’m even going to therapy and dealing with my bigger life issues. And yet, there are times when I feel like I’m floating on the open sea, completely and utterly alone. I love to write, but as I was putting together my blogoversary post last week, I realized that this blog hasn’t done that well in the past year. I had to go out of my top 10 posts to find the most viewed one from this year, and comments have significantly decreased.

I want so many things to be different. I promised myself that this year I would be better at taking action and following through, and already I’m faltering, procrastinating, letting things be. For most of my life, I have prided myself on being a good friend, but for the past few months, I’ve definitely been slacking off. It takes forever for me to call people back. I mean to reach out and reconnect with people who have drifted away, but I don’t. A lot of those people I feel disconnected from are fellow bloggers (you know who you are). Yeah, part of it is that I spend most of my days at work with my nose in Excel spreadsheets instead of on social media, but it’s also because I’ve been subconsciously pulling away.

I believe in the importance of honesty, openness and authenticity, especially here…but, I haven’t been completely honest with you. I haven’t been telling you that I am so incredibly frustrated with myself. That I feel like there are two halves of my brain: the ambitious, motivated side, and the let’s stay comfortable, spazzy side. I’m not sleeping well…or I am sleeping well and I still feel utterly exhausted. I don’t know why. I’ve been slowly retreating into myself without even noticing, and that’s not the kind of life I want to live. When I’m old, I want to be able to look back on my life and feel like I’ve lived it to the fullest. I don’t feel that way now. This isn’t me looking for sympathy. I’ve got a great life and plenty of people who love me. There are so many people and things for which I’m thankful. This is me being honest with you and with myself.  It’s me apologizing for not being myself. It’s me sending up a flare and saying I don’t want to be lost anymore.

What do you do when you feel lost?

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Tagged as: bloggers, Change, community, happiness, Relationships, Social Media, strength

  • http://twitter.com/_Ashley_Nicole_ Ashley Campbell

    I think we all go through this at some point or another. I’m in a constant battle with myself for the same things. I’m motivated to work harder, write more, procrastinate less, etc.. Unfortunately, I often end up eating pizza and watching a movie in bed with my boyfriend and dog instead.
    I think motivation is harder for some people and it’s easy to end up feeling lost, or disappointed in yourself for not living up to your own expectations.
    My only advice, as cliche as it is, is to take it one day at a time. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to move forward. Don’t let today’s missed opportunities make you feel like a failure. Pick yourself back up and try a little harder tomorrow!
    Sending love from KC! We will toast to procrastination when you visit :-)

  • Ty Unglebower

    “Live life to the fullest” I think is a somewhat overrated concept, anyway. How do we know at any given time that we aren’t living it to the fullest of our abilities for the moment? Maybe any given day, month, or year, living as we do IS the fullest we are prepared for at that time.

    As for blog readership, nobody reads mine anymore, either. I find this tends to happen when people blog about what is truly moving them, as opposed to conducting a marketing analysis to ascertain what the average blog reader of their target demographic within the geographic region is most likely to click on and forward to other people. You could do that. You could read 50 blog posts a day from Google reader, find the average number of unique hits the each got, study the most frequently used words, and have a Google Analytics field day trying to determine what topic, style, or attitude is currently in vogue in the blogosphere. And then prepare to do it all over again, and act totally different once the fad shifts, and your numbers fall again.

    We could all do that. But by the time you are finished with that, would it really feel like self expression anymore? Or just pandering? I think the latter, and the latter would leave one feeling even more empty as a writer, I dare say.

    Maybe true self expression is no longer marketable in today’s climate. I don’t know. I am rebuilding my own website and blog to be a bit broader than issues of being Too XYZ. That may or may not improve readership, but it is at least a change I am comfortable with making, for my own sake. Not because Blogging for Dummies or Seth Godin said I had to do so.

    My advice is to keep writing exactly what you want to write. Tweet it often. Comment on every blog you have even the remotest interest in as often as you can. Those things can help. But stay true to what it is you want to say. Something is bound to at least feel better eventually if you can do that.

  • http://parisianfeline.wordpress.com/ tatiana

    Do you have good dream recall? I think looking at your dreams can help you with your sense of lost.

    The last time I felt not only lost, but powerless, was over the summer. I had a breakdown over it. I was unemployed, and not happy in my living situation. Nothing seemed to be moving, and I was making virtually no success in any tangible way. Partly, this was because I didn’t know what I wanted, so I couldn’t really work toward it. I think being lost pertains mostly to that – I had an idea of how I should feel (“passionate”, “motivated”, “driven”) but didn’t know what ABOUT. So it’s like your wheels are spinning, but you’re not going anywhere. And it’s all kinds of maddening and depressing. I disliked it greatly, and really reject the romantic perspective of being lost.

    The best thing I can think of, at least one that helped me, is to keep doing. Waiting for the sense of lost to vanish can be crippling, so just putting one foot in front of the other as you work. Just doing anything that strikes your fancy, and maybe you’ll find your path. I think that’s how it worked for me – and moving to a major city with more opportunities HELPED like it was nobody’s business.

  • Anonymous

    I have felt the same way with my blogging but I took a step back and saw what was happening. I was concentrating more on other things and blogging less. I was also spending more time on Twitter and YouTube. I actually don’t mind the change in content I produce- as long as I’m still having conversations.

  • http://www.suburbansweetheart.com/ Suburban Sweetheart

    I think recognizing that you’re not where you want to be is the first step in getting there. Don’t apologize to us – if anything, apologize to yourself for not focusing on yourself as much as you deserve, & move forward from there. We’ll be here! <3

  • Mina

    Lately I have been feeling the same way, slacking not really doing much. Feeling like I don’t want to care anymore well this is partly because in my case I haven’t seen my boyfriend in the past month so all of January, and I miss him a lot, I feel like a part of me is missing. I am seeing him this Friday, but that was off topic i know. What helps me is listening to my favorite songs, walking outside, getting some fresh air, breathing. Life always has its ups and its downs but always remember you only have one life to live. =)

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  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    I have good dream recall the next morning. My dreams have been pretty intense lately, but I’m not quite sure what they’re trying to tell me. 

    You described exactly how I’ve been feeling, and it’s good to know someone can relate. Your advice is great too. I like to think of the line from Finding Nemo: “Just keep swimming.” That’s what I try to remind myself when times get tough.

    Thanks Tatiana! 

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Conversations are definitely important. Otherwise, we might as well be writing in a journal or talking to ourselves. Taking a step back is definitely a good idea, and I think I just have to write what feels good to me. Thanks Patrick! 

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Thanks Kate! Always appreciate your support xo

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Hi Mina! Thanks so much for your perspective. I can totally relate to what you’re going through. My husband and I did the long distance thing for 3 years while we were in college. It definitely wasn’t fun, but it was worth it! 

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    There are so many hours in the day, especially after a day of work, and sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and read, or talk to my husband…or even go to the gym. I know there are other things to be done, but doing them isn’t always easy. Taking one day at a time is great advice. Just because I’m lost now doesn’t mean I will always be that way. Tomorrow is a new day. 

    SO excited to finally meet you in a couple of weeks!! 

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    I totally appreciate your perspective on this, Ty. It’s very easy to get caught up comparing yourself to other people in this blogosphere, and worrying too much about what other people think. Sure, I want people to like what I write and get something from it, but it’s more important that I feel good about it. That’s something I need to remember. Thanks for your advice! 

  • Ty Unglebower

    Glad I could help. =)

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