Siblings…Who Needs ‘Em?

by Samantha on March 9, 2010

Siblings

Today, there are over 14 million only children in the United States, and I am one of them. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, that’s about 20% of all kids. Some of my friends are also part of that group, and some are not.  There are definitely pros and cons to being an only child. I count independence, sense of self, and a close relationship with my parents among the pros. Lonely play time and bearing the weight of family issues alone are a couple of the major cons. Although I never experienced sibling dynamics firsthand, I’ve watched the relationships my parents and friends have had with their siblings for many years.

Just like the existence of siblings at all, there are positives and negatives to number of siblings, gender, age difference, etc . My mom is the middle child, with two brothers. I’ve heard horror stories from childhood of decapitated dolls and endless teasing. But, I also know that my grandparents didn’t do much to stop either one of those activities. As an adult, my mom’s relationship with her brothers has been much like a roller coaster. There have been many times when I have shaken my head in disbelief at the lack of appreciation they show for her and for one another. If only they knew how lucky they are to have one another.  I know that some issues run deep, but at the end of the day, there’s still love there somewhere.  That said, I have to give my uncles props. Since my mom got sick, they have been nothing but supportive.

On the other end of the spectrum, my dad and his brother have always been pretty close. They’re only a few years apart, and they chose the same career. Although they have pretty different personalities, they can relate to each other well. Coincidentally, they both ended up having only children less than a year apart, and their ability to relate to one another was passed along to me and my cousin Adam. It’s not surprising that I am closer with this aunt and uncle than I am with the others.

There are days when I think, siblings…who needs ‘em? And there are other days when I would give nothing more than to have someone with whom I could share the good and the bad.  I’ve always had friends and a big imagination, so I’ve rarely felt alone. But, I’d be lying if I said that I never wondered what life would be like with siblings.

Do you have siblings? How far apart in age are you? Are you close? How has your relationship with them evolved as you’ve gotten older?

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Tagged as: Appreciation, Family, Learning, Relationships

  • Siblings...Who needs them? Quite frankly...Me. :)

    I grew up with two older brothers -- six and seven years apart from me. When they said no to my request to play Barbies, I longed for sisters. When they wrestled in the hall and disturbed my naptime, I longed to be an only child. Yet I always knew that I wouldn't change anything about my family, even if I could.

    I've always been close with my family, and as I've gotten older, I've formed adult relationships with my brothers. True, they still will always see me as their kid sister and sometimes be too overprotective for my liking, but I know that they are always there for me. Like when I got sick all over the kitchen floor and my brother came home from work to clean it up (sorry, gross.). Or that time I'll never forget...when my grandmother fell and we waited for the ambulance, when I was in tears and they just held me.

    I think every family dynamic is different -- if you're an only child, there's so much to learn from and enjoy; if you have siblings, you have someone to care for or take care of you, to look up to. I think both instances can be special; I think maybe it all depends on how we grew up. The grass is always greener until you grow up. Or something. Cool post, Sam.
  • Susan: I love hearing about the relationships you have with your brothers, and your whole family for that matter. They all sound so awesome and kind and supportive, and I'm very glad you have that in your life. It seems like you were close with your brothers in a different way when you were younger, and you might not even have realized it. But now, as you said, you have adult relationships with them, and that's great too. You're right that a lot depends on family dynamics and how you've grown up. Like I said in the post, my uncles tortured my mom and hardly ever got in trouble. So, they thought that was okay, and I'm sure that had an impact on how they treated her in later years. Anyway, hooray for being close with your family! Thanks for your comments!
  • Adam
    One sibling for me, and things go back and forth. We're 4yrs apart, I'm older, and not always the wiser. But I think when/if I were to have children, the 4yrs apart is a decent spacing. Otherwise thru high school and life it seems like you'd always be bumping into each other's lives. Maybe thats good? But I do feel if/when times get tough, my brother would be there if needed and I would/have been too. So far in my life it hasn't EVER hurt to have a sibling in the toughest of times or in the best.
  • Adam: My boyfriend and his brother are three years apart, and he's older too. They have different interests, but they're both very smart, and I know his brother felt like he was living in my boyfriend's shadow a lot in high school. That said, they're pretty close, and have learned to stop being so competitive and support each other. I'm so glad that your brother would be there for you in tough times. No matter how your relationship may change, being there for each other when you need it is so important. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
  • emilyjasper
    My brothers and I have a frequently changing relationship. There was a long time when I identified only with one, and the other was very much on his own. Now, I am closer with the other, and I have to almost navigate a new relationship with the first. I think that's just natural as you grow up, but what my parents did was encourage us to listen to each other. We may not agree, but we need to listen. This is still helping me.
  • Emily: That's a great lesson your parents taught you, and it's something that applies to all relationships, not just those between siblings. It's interesting to hear how your relationships with your brothers have changed over time. Judging by my mom and her brothers, I'm sure they will continue to change and develop throughout your lives. I hope they realize how lucky they are to have you as a sister!
  • Well we all know where I stand in the only child world :) I think there have definitely been times where I've thought both ways about having siblings. I especially felt sad when I watched my mom lose her only brother to cancer - and see how hard it is for her to take care of my Grammy alone (sorry, debbie downer.) But also I think that I value my friends more as a result of being an only child. I used to joke with my friend Shula that I wanted to be a part of her fam - cause she is one of four and they are all close and cool. Love the post, dear! Here's to us!
  • Wooo only children unite! Haha. As I told you, I loved your post about being an only child. I can identify with pretty much everything you've felt and gone through. There are definitely positives and negatives for everyone, and I think we just have to make the most of what we're given, and appreciate the people we have in our lives. Thanks Beth :)
  • My little sister just turned 21. We became significantly closer after I went off to college. We have a lot in common, but she was always the bratty sister growing up, even though I was still proud of her then.
  • Ryan: I think your relationship with your sister sounds pretty normal (and similar to Naomi's with her sisters). You're always going to see her as your little sister, but now that you're grown up and she's on her way there, you realize that there's she's not quite as bratty anymore :) If she's anything like you, I'm sure she's a cool girl! Thanks for commenting!
  • I have two sisters, who are five and seven years younger than me. When we were younger we had fun but also fought a lot. As we get older though we only get closer and appreciate one another more. I love that now they come to me for advice and a chat when they're struggling with things or just want to talk. I think as time goes on we'll only get closer, and I love that we'll be able to support each other when things are hard in the future.
  • Naomi: I think your relationship with your sisters is a great example of maturing with age. When you were younger, you probably didn't appreciate each other, and just thought of each other as competition for your parents' attention and stuff like that. But, now that you're grown up, perhaps you can see the value in your relationship. It's great that they come to you for advice now, and I hope you do get closer over time. Thanks for sharing your story!
  • Mehnaz
    Great post!

    As you already know, my sister and I are quite close, though we're 7 years apart. Being the oldest one for so long, I was an only child, and sometimes still feel like one because I reach milestones much earlier than my sister.
    It's nice to have a sibling. If you get on with each other, then that support is really handy, especially in such a small family like mine.
    I can see benefits to being an only child.
    Though what I share with only children is our sense of independence, and ability to "go it alone" when needed.
  • Thanks Mehnaz! I totally love that you're so close with your sister, and I honestly didn't realize you were 7 years apart. It seems like you kind of got a taste of both worlds. For those 7 years, it was like you were an only child, and like you said, you developed a sense of independence. But at the same time, your relationship with your sister has grown and developed and become a major part of your life. You're so lucky to have each other!
  • Thanks for the shout-out! I agree there are pros and cons to being an only child and having siblings. What I think is interesting is that your only child status has made you more independent. I know a lot of only children who are still so reliant on their parents even in their mid-twenties. More specifically, I have an ex whose mother would pick up his laundry out of his car when it was parked in front of his frat, take it home to wash and fold, then return it to his car the next day. Keep in mind that we went to school about 40 minutes from his house...Not the marrying kind!
  • You're welcome, Ashley! I'd been thinking a lot about this topic before we talked about you and your brother the other day. Then, that conversation just made me think more, so I figured I would jot the ideas down. Anyway, you're definitely right. Being an only child has a different effect on some people than others. I think it depends a lot on your parents and how they raise you, and if they teach you how to be a proper grown-up. Sounds like your ex's mom wanted to continue pretending he was still her little boy, so she kept doing things for him, probably not even realizing that she was also enabling his dependency. Good luck to his wife haha. Thanks for your comments!
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