I met my boyfriend, Rob, in the summer of 2005 when we were both counselors at an overnight camp in Massachusetts. For the first two months of our relationship, we saw each other every single day. We even worked with the same age group. But, that only lasted until the end of the summer when we had to go back to our respective colleges, a five hour drive apart. Five hours in the car twice a weekend sucked enough, but add to that the fact that Rob went to school in Ithaca, NY, which I (not so) lovingly nicknamed Icicle, and the length of the winter in such a place. For three years, Rob and I did the long distance thing. With the exception of one semester which we both spent in Washington, D.C. (albeit on different programs), and vacations, we were never in the same place for more than a few days. Even when we were home on breaks, we were still an hour and a quarter from each other. It was an adventure to say the least, but as much as I complain, it was definitely worth it.
I’ll be honest. A long distance relationship is very difficult. It’s an emotional drain in many ways, and it takes true commitment. We decided early on that we were in it for the long haul, and that made it worth it. Believe me, I would not have driven countless hours back and forth otherwise.
Fast forward four and a half years, and Rob and I now live together in Brooklyn! It’s a definite switch from always being apart, but it’s been great so far. Because we would only have a few days together at a time, we learned how to appreciate each other and make the most of our time together. When all you have is a weekend, you realize that the little things just aren’t worth fighting over. All of that has carried over, even though we now see each other every day.
Doing the long distance thing for so long taught me a lot. It taught me about balance and commitment and love. But, I do have one regret. I wish I’d spent more time with my friends in college, let myself have more fun. As obvious as it may sound, I didn’t realize at the time that it’s possible to be in a long distance relationship and still have an active social life, even with single friends. I’m sure there were some college experiences I missed out on, and I’ll never get those back. However, I’ve definitely learned from that time. Now, Rob and I spend plenty of time together. We have friends in common, and we’ve gotten closer with each other’s friends. But, we also have our own lives. I make a point to regularly grab brunch or a drink with one of my girls, no boys allowed.
This post is about my relationship, but it’s also about learning and growing, friendship, life experiences, and finding a balance. Just as with any kind of relationship, you have to put a lot into it if you want to get a lot out of it. One final nugget of wisdom: Sometimes it’s when you stop looking for something that it finds you, so never give up hope.
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