Comments on: Too Quick To Forgive, Too Eager To Hold a Grudge

By: Pharah Merancier

Pharah Merancier — Mon, 30 May 2011 01:36:00 +0000

i experienced similar relations to the ones above probably 5. once upon a time i had a friend . she was a new student in my P.E class and she was the new kid so i saw her by herself and i know how that feels so i came up to her and we were friends ever since. later in the months of P.E class there was another new girl and i met her and introduced her . they started talking to each other and they ignored me. i was very hurt by this because she was my friend first and the new girl just stole her. i don’t know why we could not all get along but i guess the two had more in common. first i found myself apologizing to her for reasons i don’t understand and quite frankly i regret making myself look like a fool by saying sorry for telling her that i was upset bt her actions. well anyway she didn’t accept my appology and she should be the one apologizing for totally ignoring me. in the end we have not spoken since then because i felt she chose the new girl over me when i was the one who even came up her and talked to her on her first day. i really regret even introducing the 2. no it was not a happy fairy tell ending i have not spoken to her since then…but if i had the oppurtunity to speak to her face-to-face and go to the sorce of our problems. i would…but i’m not going to lie it’s either i hold grudges or i forgive to easily.i always find myself holding grudges more often because i don’t like to forgive because i end upgetting hurt because i’m being too nice and they usually take advantage of that. F.Y.I i’m pretty good at ignoring people when they done me wrong and i’m never the one to crack first. i don’t like holding grudges but it’s better than getting hurt.

By: Lixxwj

Lixxwj — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:57:00 +0000

I am confused about that too. I know that to forgive is the right thing to do, but i have witnessed many sad stories in which women who are too sweet and too eager to forgive end up really tragically. My aunt married a guy who is a serious gambler. The guy treated her well he was in a good mood. But he lost temper easily and when that happened, he would beat up my aunt. My aunt forgave him again and again, now they have 2 children allready, but he never changes. My aunt used to be the star in every occasion, so beautiful and talented, but now she is this timid and almost desperate housewife who does not even believe in herself. Another sad story is a friend’s mom. Her husband cheated on her and had a child with another woman. Everyone around her told her to get a divorce, but she could not do that. She chose to forgive. The husband treated her even worse. He shouted at her in front of public and humiliated her verbally whenever he had the chance. Sometimes i wonder what if both of them chose to hold grudge instead of forgiving? Perhaps they will have a better life or a life with more respect.

A friend used to tell me that to forgive does not mean to tolerate. She might be right, but how could one possibly do that? To forgive but walk away from the hurt and harm at the same time?

By: sameve

sameve — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 02:05:00 +0000

Thanks Ivan! I’m glad you enjoy my blog! I hope your friends will find meaning in my posts as well

By: ivan chow

ivan chow — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 06:31:00 +0000

hey sam,seriously love your blog. For me,just by reading your blog i can learn so many positive things in life,it really make my day meaningful…gonna recommend this blog to my friends

By: How to Deal With Big Jerks | Modite

How to Deal With Big Jerks | Modite — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 03:00:50 +0000

[...] The motivation of a big mean jerk is jealousy gone for the jugular. A normal reaction amplified in an abnormal way. Successful people get the brunt of it of course. Nobody kicks when you’re down, so you don’t see much of that. More, you see unhappy people just trying to be happy, and not having a good run at it. [...]

By: sameve

sameve — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 05:59:20 +0000

Lindsey: Props for being honest, I definitely appreciate that! It's awesome that you admitted it AND that you realize it's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things. I guess you and I are pretty much opposites: I forgive a little too easily and you hold a grudge a little too harshly. Maybe if we both work on it, we can meet on the middle road sometime Thanks for commenting!

By: LostInCheeseland

LostInCheeseland — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:04:12 +0000

I'm not going to lie, although I should because this is out there for all to see. But I won't. I have trouble forgiving. I harp on things. It's a flaw, I have acknowledged that and have made it an ongoing project to ameliorate it. But when I'm burned, treated badly, humiliated or been unfairly judged or ignored, I don't take it lightly. My husband knows this about me and still makes some mistakes that gets him an attitude for a bit. I know it's not constructive but I chalk it up to being a Cancer

By: sameve

sameve — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 23:46:03 +0000

I always enjoy your insight, Susan. As you know, I'm big on finding a balance, and the middle road is just another incarnation of that metaphor. Everything is situational, and people have mentioned a number of things that I didn't originally consider. You're right that our mood can definitely influence how we handle things. There are so many factors that contribute to how a situation is resolved. Some of them we have control over, and some of them we don't. We do have control over how we act and react, and I think that's important to remember. Thanks for commenting!

By: Susan Pogorzelski

Susan Pogorzelski — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 20:03:30 +0000

Really interesting post here, Sam. And thanks for sharing your stories in regards to your friendships -- I've found that difficulties with friendships have been the hardest to reconcile in my own life.

I really like how you say that there is a middle road because I feel like that's the road I'm more prone to taking. Personally, in the past I've fogiven too easily at times and bottled up my own feelings until they explode at others. I don't think I've ever really held a grudge, per se, but it's been hard to let issues go. Most of the time, I turned that inwardly rather than expressing it in a healthy way.

I think everything is situational. I think we tend to react and handle certain situations based on where we are in that moment -- perhaps we had a bad day that leads to us holding that grudge or blowing up. Maybe we're feeling particularly forgiving and so we do so too easily, too quickly. I think the older we get, the more we're able to take a step back from the situation and gain perspective, and thus the more maturely we're able to handle a situation.

I think that's evidenced in how you handled the third scenario -- let others know how you feel and see where that leads. Sometimes we can mend relationships. Other times we know it's best to let them go and move on.

Great post that made me take a look at how I deal with conflict in my own life. Thanks, Sam.

By: sameve

sameve — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 08:32:45 +0000

I totally respect your outlook, and I think you're right on. Like I said, life is short and it's not worth wasting our time and energy on negative feelings and, as you said, crappy relationships. To your other point, about not only hurting yourself, but hurting those who are still in your life…it's like how some people give and give and don't take good enough care of themselves. What they don't realize, is that if they put themselves first every once and a while, they would be better able to be there for other people. Great insight, thanks for sharing!