Is True Happiness An Unattainable Goal?

by Samantha on September 16, 2009

How do you define happiness? Just like success, fulfillment, and numerous other words, the definition of happiness is almost entirely subjective. Any one person can easily have a new definition every day, based on their life circumstances at that particular time. According to Dictionary.com, happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good, and can also be defined as good fortune; pleasure; contentment; or joy. Society teaches us that happiness is good, and its clearly part of our human nature to strive for happiness. But, is true happiness an unattainable goal? Why are so many of us set on reaching that place of complete contentment?

The reality is that sometimes we’re not going to be happy. Bad things happen, and we’re going to feel sad. In fact, there are times when we shouldn’t force ourselves to look on the bright side, when the healthiest thing to do is just let ourselves feel sadness and pain. Even then, perspective is crucial. Maybe we should just worry about what makes us happy right now, today. I’m not saying throw caution to the wind without considering the consequences, but if we spend too much time making sure our happiness will last until tomorrow, we’ll just end up missing out on today.

Think about it. What are the little things that make you happy? Is it the smell of the ocean or the feeling of sand between your toes? Take a little drive to the closest body of water, or sandy patch of land. Close your eyes and let your imagination do the rest. Is it the taste of ice cream? Screw the diet and treat yourself to a cone after work. Is it a child’s laughter? Head over to the nearest playground and swing for a while. It’s okay to let your inner child come out and play. Is it a warm bath? Pick up some of those aromatic bath salts from the drugstore, fill up the tub, close the door, and relax. Hell, you deserve it.

Look, the sand might get stuck to your feet, the ice cream could melt before you finish it, the swings might be broken at the playground, and your tub might be a pain in the ass to clean. The truth is that these things probably won’t make you any happier tomorrow, but who cares?! Be happy now, and don’t worry about tomorrow until tomorrow.

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Tagged as: Advice, Appreciation, happiness, Learning, Meaning

  • Keith: A very interesting thought. Grace mentioned that she feels happiness is a mental state of mind, which is along the same line of thinking as coming from within. There are a lot of things in life that we can control, but we can control how we react to our circumstances. Thank you for contributing to the discussion!
  • It seems that we look for a "place of happiness" and depend on our circumstances to either make us happy or sad. What if happiness is something from within - something self-generated. I think that's what the Christian writer Paul meant when he said he'd found "the secret of being content in any and every situation." Journey to Joy attempts to share that secret. (http://www.amzn.com/144218776X)
  • Keith: A very interesting thought. Grace mentioned that she feels happiness is a mental state of mind, which is along the same line of thinking as coming from within. There are a lot of things in life that we can control, but we can control how we react to our circumstances. Thank you for contributing to the discussion!
  • It seems that we look for a "place of happiness" and depend on our circumstances to either make us happy or sad. What if happiness is something from within - something self-generated. I think that's what the Christian writer Paul meant when he said he'd found "the secret of being content in any and every situation." Journey to Joy attempts to share that secret. (http://www.amzn.com/144218776X)
  • This is a great post. I was directed to your blog by Elisa and I really enjoy it.
  • Erin: Thanks so much! I just had the pleasure of meeting Elisa in person last weekend, and she's a great person. Glad you enjoyed the post and I hope to hear from you again soon!
  • Erin: Thanks so much! I just had the pleasure of meeting Elisa in person last weekend, and she's a great person. Glad you enjoyed the post and I hope to hear from you again soon!
  • Hi Nick, thanks for stopping by! Your post sounds very interesting and I'm looking forward to reading it later today.
  • Anita: Such beautiful words, and very insightful too! I certainly wish for joy, and I appreciate every moment of joy that I have in my life. Thanks for sharing this perspective!
  • Tim: Thank you so much! I'm glad the wonderful world of Twitter brought you to my blog. If you dig into the archive, you'll see that I've been through a lot in the past year or so. I too have been thinking a lot about happiness, and I totally agree about the importance of perspective. Thanks for your comments and kind words, I look forward to connecting with you more in the future!
  • This is a great post. I was directed to your blog by Elisa and I really enjoy it.
  • Nicolas123
    Hi Samantha,

    nice post!

    By asking how happiness can be defined you ask a very interesting question. I recently had my own shot at defining happiness, which aims to be more "scientific" and "objective" despite being a subjective feeling: http://www.spreadinghappiness.org/2009/08/what-...

    I would love to hear your thoughts!

    Thank you, Nick
  • Hi Nick, thanks for stopping by! Your post sounds very interesting and I'm looking forward to reading it later today.
  • Anita Lobo
    Do you wish to be happy [which can come and go]

    OR

    do you wish for joy [a heart-song that carries you ahead irrespective of how the day/ moment was]

    Sometimes we aren't happy with the moment, but joy of being alive -- now thats a loyal companion!

    Cheers
    Anita
  • Anita: Such beautiful words, and very insightful too! I certainly wish for joy, and I appreciate every moment of joy that I have in my life. Thanks for sharing this perspective!
  • Nicolas123
    Hi Samantha,

    nice post!

    By asking how happiness can be defined you ask a very interesting question. I recently had my own shot at defining happiness, which aims to be more "scientific" and "objective" despite being a subjective feeling: http://www.spreadinghappiness.org/2009/08/what-...

    I would love to hear your thoughts!

    Thank you, Nick
  • Anita Lobo
    Do you wish to be happy [which can come and go]

    OR

    do you wish for joy [a heart-song that carries you ahead irrespective of how the day/ moment was]

    Sometimes we aren't happy with the moment, but joy of being alive -- now thats a loyal companion!

    Cheers
    Anita
  • This post appeared in my Twitter stream and I responded saying I hadn't read it, but how do we define "true" happiness, and why even pursue it? This, from an eternal optimist :)

    Then, while chatting with a dear friend, the topic of happiness came up again. This time I stressed perspective. On returning home, I got a reply saying that I was basically echoing your thoughts.

    Well, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your voice. Really nailed it. Pragmatic, yet affirming and encouraging without de-romanticizing the idea of "true" happiness.

    Thank you so much for this.
  • Tim: Thank you so much! I'm glad the wonderful world of Twitter brought you to my blog. If you dig into the archive, you'll see that I've been through a lot in the past year or so. I too have been thinking a lot about happiness, and I totally agree about the importance of perspective. Thanks for your comments and kind words, I look forward to connecting with you more in the future!
  • This post appeared in my Twitter stream and I responded saying I hadn't read it, but how do we define "true" happiness, and why even pursue it? This, from an eternal optimist :)

    Then, while chatting with a dear friend, the topic of happiness came up again. This time I stressed perspective. On returning home, I got a reply saying that I was basically echoing your thoughts.

    Well, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your voice. Really nailed it. Pragmatic, yet affirming and encouraging without de-romanticizing the idea of "true" happiness.

    Thank you so much for this.
  • Dunki
    This reminds me of a song my childhood. I believe it is from Your A Good Man, Charlie Brown and it is entitled happiness and it is all about simple moments. We get so caught up in trying to survive that we forget to appreciate what is in front of us (or maybe it is just me). It is those simple moments that get us through the bad. The people looking for happiness will continue to search for it until they realize it was always there to begin with...they were just looking the other way.
  • Kris: You make such an important point! People spend so much time looking for happiness that they don't realize it was there all along. I really believe that we should take each moment, each small happiness as a reason to smile. You're right, it is the simple moments that get us through the bad. Thanks so much for your comments!
  • Kris: You make such an important point! People spend so much time looking for happiness that they don't realize it was there all along. I really believe that we should take each moment, each small happiness as a reason to smile. You're right, it is the simple moments that get us through the bad. Thanks so much for your comments!
  • Susan: Such beautiful thoughts, thank you for sharing. I agree that it's about a balance between dreams and reality. Maybe it is the temporary, fleeting nature of happiness that makes us appreciate it more when we have it. As usual, you got me thinking!
  • Dunki
    This reminds me of a song my childhood. I believe it is from Your A Good Man, Charlie Brown and it is entitled happiness and it is all about simple moments. We get so caught up in trying to survive that we forget to appreciate what is in front of us (or maybe it is just me). It is those simple moments that get us through the bad. The people looking for happiness will continue to search for it until they realize it was always there to begin with...they were just looking the other way.
  • Sam:

    I completely agree that things like happiness, success, and fulfillment are subjective -- in fact, it's something I've always believed. These things are extremely personal -- what brings joy and peace to one person may not to another, just like the dreams of one person isn't even a blip on the fulfillment radar for another.

    Just like your recent birthday post, I love this post for the questions you ask and the realism that you embrace. We're not always going to be happy. In fact, sometimes life throws you fastballs and it's all you can do not to duck or jump out of the way. But that's not to say that we can't be satisfied, or that we can't ever be really, truly happy again.

    In answer to the title of your post: I don't think true happiness is unattainable. I think there are times in our life when we feel that spark of true happiness -- swinging on the swings during a lunch break, the wag of a puppy's tail as you walk in the door, seeing your family after a long trip away -- but I think we also have to be realistic and know, like as you say, that once you attain it, you'll hold onto it forever. I think every spark has to burn out in order to be reignited. Maybe that's what makes us appreciate it, hold on to it when we have it. Maybe that's what makes it so elusive...and so special.

    Love this post, Sam!
  • Susan: Such beautiful thoughts, thank you for sharing. I agree that it's about a balance between dreams and reality. Maybe it is the temporary, fleeting nature of happiness that makes us appreciate it more when we have it. As usual, you got me thinking!
  • MY happiness lately involved getting to eat ice cream with YOU on a gorgeous deck in Portsmouth looking out over the Picataqua River at night. I definitely wore the wrong shoes for traipsing around the bricks/boards, was yawning and tired and preparing for a long drive back, and I'm quite sure I slobbered ice cream all down my cashmere sweater.

    Didn't matter though...the moment was worth any of the "unperfectness" which may have accompanied it. And really, a "good" life is moreso a huge string of moments rather than a few big attempts at perfection. BTW, best line from a blog this week: "if we spend too much time making sure our happiness will last until tomorrow, we’ll just end up missing out on today"
  • Awww, Elisa, you're too sweet! Meeting and spending time with you (and James :) was a really happy night for me too. I love the way you put that night into context with this post. I bet you didn't really notice any of those "imperfections" at the time because we were enjoying each other's company so much.

    You say that a good life is a huge string of moments and that's exactly what I was trying to get across with this post. In that moment, we were happy, and looking back on that night makes us happy all over again. Who cares if it wasn't "perfect?" And thank you, I'm glad you liked that line. It took me a while to find the right words, but I guess I chose the right ones :)
  • Sam:

    I completely agree that things like happiness, success, and fulfillment are subjective -- in fact, it's something I've always believed. These things are extremely personal -- what brings joy and peace to one person may not to another, just like the dreams of one person isn't even a blip on the fulfillment radar for another.

    Just like your recent birthday post, I love this post for the questions you ask and the realism that you embrace. We're not always going to be happy. In fact, sometimes life throws you fastballs and it's all you can do not to duck or jump out of the way. But that's not to say that we can't be satisfied, or that we can't ever be really, truly happy again.

    In answer to the title of your post: I don't think true happiness is unattainable. I think there are times in our life when we feel that spark of true happiness -- swinging on the swings during a lunch break, the wag of a puppy's tail as you walk in the door, seeing your family after a long trip away -- but I think we also have to be realistic and know, like as you say, that once you attain it, you'll hold onto it forever. I think every spark has to burn out in order to be reignited. Maybe that's what makes us appreciate it, hold on to it when we have it. Maybe that's what makes it so elusive...and so special.

    Love this post, Sam!
  • Sam:

    I completely agree that things like happiness, success, and fulfillment are subjective -- in fact, it's something I've always believed. These things are extremely personal -- what brings joy and peace to one person may not to another, just like the dreams of one person isn't even a blip on the fulfillment radar for another.

    Just like your recent birthday post, I love this post for the questions you ask and the realism that you embrace. We're not always going to be happy. In fact, sometimes life throws you fastballs and it's all you can do not to duck or jump out of the way. But that's not to say that we can't be satisfied, or that we can't ever be really, truly happy again.

    In answer to the title of your post: I don't think true happiness is unattainable. I think there are times in our life when we feel that spark of true happiness -- swinging on the swings during a lunch break, the wag of a puppy's tail as you walk in the door, seeing your family after a long trip away -- but I think we also have to be realistic and know, like as you say, that once you attain it, you'll hold onto it forever. I think every spark has to burn out in order to be reignited. Maybe that's what makes us appreciate it, hold on to it when we have it. Maybe that's what makes it so elusive...and so special.

    Love this post, Sam!
    .-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..Life Is A Journey =-.
  • Awww, Elisa, you're too sweet! Meeting and spending time with you (and James :) was a really happy night for me too. I love the way you put that night into context with this post. I bet you didn't really notice any of those "imperfections" at the time because we were enjoying each other's company so much.

    You say that a good life is a huge string of moments and that's exactly what I was trying to get across with this post. In that moment, we were happy, and looking back on that night makes us happy all over again. Who cares if it wasn't "perfect?" And thank you, I'm glad you liked that line. It took me a while to find the right words, but I guess I chose the right ones :)
  • MY happiness lately involved getting to eat ice cream with YOU on a gorgeous deck in Portsmouth looking out over the Picataqua River at night. I definitely wore the wrong shoes for traipsing around the bricks/boards, was yawning and tired and preparing for a long drive back, and I'm quite sure I slobbered ice cream all down my cashmere sweater.

    Didn't matter though...the moment was worth any of the "unperfectness" which may have accompanied it. And really, a "good" life is moreso a huge string of moments rather than a few big attempts at perfection. BTW, best line from a blog this week: "if we spend too much time making sure our happiness will last until tomorrow, we’ll just end up missing out on today"
  • Happiness is good and all, but I'm just as glad for life's hardest times as I am for the best. I feel like I appreciate everything so much more when there's been a force keeping me back from something. I think being happy all the time is an anti-depressant commercial waiting to happen. You need to roll with the punches and feel everything for exactly what it is.

    Great post Sam!
  • James: Agreed. As I wrote in my birthday post, instead of letting the tough stuff defeat me, I've chosen to learn from it and gain perspective. Yeah life sucks sometimes, but it could be a lot worse. Why not use the challenge or hardship to empower us? I love the way you put it, "roll with the punches and feel everything for exactly what it is." Great attitude! Thanks for commenting!
  • James: Agreed. As I wrote in my birthday post, instead of letting the tough stuff defeat me, I've chosen to learn from it and gain perspective. Yeah life sucks sometimes, but it could be a lot worse. Why not use the challenge or hardship to empower us? I love the way you put it, "roll with the punches and feel everything for exactly what it is." Great attitude! Thanks for commenting!
  • I should have known you understood! We're usually on the same wavelength. I totally agree, it's the little things that count. As for me being a cynic...yeah, it would take a lot. Sarcasm though, that's another story :D
  • Happiness is good and all, but I'm just as glad for life's hardest times as I am for the best. I feel like I appreciate everything so much more when there's been a force keeping me back from something. I think being happy all the time is an anti-depressant commercial waiting to happen. You need to roll with the punches and feel everything for exactly what it is.

    Great post Sam!
  • @Sam Ah yes. Completely understood on your point of reaching an "ultimate" happiness versus finding happiness everyday. That's funny, it's just what the book talks about. I think it's the little things that count anyway.

    Plus, I don't think you could be a cynic if you tried ;) I see what you're getting at with the post!
  • Grace: The book sounds interesting, I'll have to check it out. I've seen the happiness project, it's a great site!

    I just want to clear something up...I don't mean to sound like a cynic in this post. I agree with you that happiness is attainable. Wait, but doesn't that contradict what I wrote in the post? No, it doesn't because what I was trying to emphasize is that there is too much of a focus on finding "true" happiness, "complete" contentment. That extreme, "perfect" happiness may not be attainable, but that doesn't mean that we can't be happy every day. I guess it's hard to express :) Regardless, thanks for your comments!
  • A family friend and national best selling author of Chicken Soup for the Women's Soul recently wrote a book, Happy For No Reason. I think you might like the content and at least visit the website to see how it unfolds...

    Furthermore, I really like (http://www.happiness-project.com/) because it touches on all aspects of happiness. I think that happiness is attainable and is really a mental state of mind.
  • Grace: The book sounds interesting, I'll have to check it out. I've seen the happiness project, it's a great site!

    I just want to clear something up...I don't mean to sound like a cynic in this post. I agree with you that happiness is attainable. Wait, but doesn't that contradict what I wrote in the post? No, it doesn't because what I was trying to emphasize is that there is too much of a focus on finding "true" happiness, "complete" contentment. That extreme, "perfect" happiness may not be attainable, but that doesn't mean that we can't be happy every day. I guess it's hard to express :) Regardless, thanks for your comments!
  • @Sam Ah yes. Completely understood on your point of reaching an "ultimate" happiness versus finding happiness everyday. That's funny, it's just what the book talks about. I think it's the little things that count anyway.

    Plus, I don't think you could be a cynic if you tried ;) I see what you're getting at with the post!
  • I should have known you understood! We're usually on the same wavelength. I totally agree, it's the little things that count. As for me being a cynic...yeah, it would take a lot. Sarcasm though, that's another story :D
  • A family friend and national best selling author of Chicken Soup for the Women's Soul recently wrote a book, Happy For No Reason. I think you might like the content and at least visit the website to see how it unfolds...

    Furthermore, I really like (http://www.happiness-project.com/) because it touches on all aspects of happiness. I think that happiness is attainable and is really a mental state of mind.
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