The Little Voice Inside My Head

by Samantha on February 1, 2010

I have a little voice inside my head. We all do. It’s our conscience, our moral compass, it provides encouragement and words of warning. Some people have quieter inner voices that only pipe up when needed. Others have blabbermouths who never seem to never shut up. My little voice is quite the chatty one. Always going on and on about things, overthinking, overanalyzing, self-conscious, and second guessing. I have anxiety issues, I’ve always had them. It’s better now, medicine helps, but I don’t think I’ll ever have a quiet mind. Recently, it’s been on overdrive. Stress makes it worse.

Standing on the subway, I look around, and if someone’s looking at me, a million thoughts run through my head. Is there something on my face? Is my hair a big frizz ball? Did I step in something? Somewhere deep down, I know it’s nothing, but it takes a while to make myself stop worrying. I turn on my iPod, open my book, breathe in and out, look away…and, eventually, I move on.

I’m walking down the hallway of my office to the kitchen. I can hear my stupid shoe squeaking with every step, and it bugs the crap out of me. I’m nervous that everyone can hear it, or I’m going to drop something, or my shirt’s riding up in the back. It’s silly, I tell myself. What am I worried about? It’s literally a 30 second walk. Everyone is doing their work, and no one’s paying attention.

I want to call one of my friends who I haven’t spoken to in a while, but sometimes it takes me a few tries to actually press send. I think through things I have to tell them, what’s been going on since we last spoke. As the phone rings, I plan what I’ll say in a voicemail if they don’t answer. The anticpation drives me crazy, and sometimes I’m just as happy to leave a message after the beep as I would be if they actually answered.

I know that I’m not alone. Everyone gets nervous and worries. Plenty of people deal with anxiety every day. Certain bloggers have even been brave enough write about it, and I thank them for giving me the courage to do the same. I’m not writing this post so you’ll feel bad for me, or because I want you to cut me a break. I’m writing it for everyone else who struggles with worry and anxiety every waking second. I want you all to know that you are stronger than you think, and when it comes down to it, you are in charge of your own life. Sometimes the little voice inside your head is going to run its little mouth, and there won’t be much you can do about it. You’ll probably never have a completely quiet mind, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a quieter mind. Distract yourself, learn what sets you off and avoid it, take medicine, or go to therapy…if all else fails…tell the little voice to shut up. As I’m writing this, I’m second guessing whether I should post it. Worried about what people will think. Will anyone comment? Is this too much like a diary entry? Shut up, and click publish.

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Tagged as: Advice, bloggers, confidence, Learning, strength

http://twitter.com/legalninjaKris Kristina Duncan

Well, I'm commenting so you can put your mind to rest over that. As for your shoes, I talked to your office and no one heard it. I know how you feel, which is funny since I always end up participating in things that involve people staring at me…ice skating, ballet, gymnastics. Go figure. You are right, you are not alone and if you figure out how to quiet the voices…please let me know.
amberstar

Thank you. I have been struggling with the same problem. As it is I have deleted the same sentence three times now. Its nice to know their are other people who feel the same way. To know that their are others who understand. Thank you.
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Kris: Hmm…who did you talk to? lol It sounds silly, but it's stupid things like a squeaky shoe that bother me. It is interesting that you end up participating in those types of activities. Do you think that your confidence and passion for those things overshadow your anxiety? If so, that's awesome!

As for quieting the voices, I think the best thing to do is just know yourself and know what really gets to you. Also, find ways that you can calm yourself down, whether it be music, reading, Twitter, hot cocoa, fresh air…anything that works for you. Thanks for your comment!
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Amber: Your comment shows exactly why I wrote this post. I know there are other people out there going through what I'm going through, and I don't want anyone to feel like they are alone. Even if it's some random blogger who you've never met, it still helps to know that it's not just you. I understand, and I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Thanks so much for your comment!
http://www.strawberryghetto.blogspot.com/ Mehnaz

Sam,

I'm so glad to see this on here! And I'm so happy that you posted it. It helps to write about these things, if for nothing else, than to provide a bit of perspective on things.
Often times us worriers catastrophise the hell out of everything.

Another thing that helps is just being prepared. Half the time the worry is about not being prepared in some way. While we prepare ourselves for things that will never happen, sometimes some small ounce of readiness alleviates the crazy
Hope you have a worry-free day today!
http://www.owlsparks.com/ Carlos Miceli

I always get that little bastard either drunk or laid. That shuts him up.
http://25andtrying.com Beth Oppenheim

This is an awesome post, Sam. And I have definitely also been that gal on the subway sometimes thinking those things. One of the best ways that I combat anxiety is exerting energy doing something else – blogging, running, or even just picking up the phone and calling someone that has NOTHING to do with whatever it is I am stressed about
I really also like the idea that you have presented here about EVERYONE having a degree of anxiety. It's true. We all worry about things in ways that are not always rational. Good for you for sharing these thoughts!
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Thanks, Mehnaz! I forgot that you wrote about this recently too. Being prepared is a great suggestion for how to combat anxiety. Even if you feel stupid, it'll be worth it in the long run. For example, before you make a phone call, write down a few bullet points so you make sure you don't forget anything. The list will serve a dual purpose and make you feel more at ease as well. Thank you for the tips, and I wish you a worry-free day as well
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Haha, oh Carlos. Thank you for the incredibly deep and philosophical contribution to the discussion
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Beth: Right? The stupid subway is such an anxiety factory! Your method of exerting energy to combat anxiety is similar to mine of distracting myself. Both are about getting our anxious minds to focus on something other than worry.

I'm glad you appreciated that point about everyone having a degree of anxiety. Often when I talk to someone about my anxiety issues, they tend to brush it off and say, oh that happens to everyone sometimes. In a sense, they're right, we all worry about things from time to time. It's human nature, so I wanted to acknowledge that, but at the same time show that there are people who worry above normal levels. Anyway, thanks for your comments!
http://twentyorsomething.com/ Susan Pogorzelski

Sam,

I love the look of this redesign! But, more importantly, I love the direction this post has taken. Anxiety is one of those things that is rarely discussed yet thousands of people experience it on some level on a daily basis. The first step to understanding is awareness. And awareness comes from being honest with ourselves…and maybe even others. I am so incredibly proud of you for voicing what is too long kept in the dark.

Not everyone has to share their story in a public forum. I do so because it scares me and my blog became that place where I could be honest with others and myself in order to work through it. Whether you write about it on your own blog or in a journal or talk it out with a confidant, a friend — it's just important that everyone find the outlet that they feel comfortable in. Because the more you talk about it, the more aware you are of it. The more aware you are of it, the better you can find ways to cope. And the more people you let in, the greater your support network, the better people can understand. The better we can be there for you.

And we are here for you. And people do understand. More people than we can ever possibly imagine. Whether it be a sudden gripping panic at leaving the house or a turning stomach at standing up in front of a crowd or a generalized hyperawareness that makes you want to crawl out of the perceived spotlight and back into yourself, anxiety takes many forms and threatens to uproot your world, making you uncomfortable in your own life.

But it doesn't have to. And the more you turn around when someone is looking at you, the more you laugh at your squeaking shoes, the more you say screw it and hit publish, the more you're overcoming. You're winning. You're succeeding in one of the greatest personal challenges we can face.

I'm so glad you're acknowledging that voice, Sam. I'm so glad you're giving it the attention it deserves and then telling it to shut it. Keep it up
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Susan: You continually remind me that you have the biggest heart, and that I am very lucky to have you as a friend! You're right, not everyone has to share their story in a public forum. That can be said for a lot of the things you and I write about on our blogs. But, no matter how someone chooses to express it, publicly or privately, it is so important to do so somehow. I say that from experience. One thing I didn't mention in the post, is that I dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for a long time before I got up the courage to tell someone. I (incorrectly) assumed that they would just brush me off and tell me I was making something out of nothing. Talking about it was one of the best things I've ever done.

There are far more people than we realize who suffer from anxiety, and that's part of why I told the voice to shut up and clicked publish. Whenever I write a post, I write first for myself, and a very close second for people to get something out of it. If my post makes one person feel less alone, I consider that a great accomplishment.

I'll make a deal with you. I'll keep telling my voice to shut it, if you do the same to yours
http://modite.com/ Rebecca

This is timely for me (again) because I just went through a lot of anxiety this weekend. I was sick, very sick, and ultimately decided not to travel to a different state for a speech that I was scheduled to give. This was after a very stressful and busy week of preparing for it. I know I made the right decision, but the worst definitely happened. The event organizer was peeved to the point of being extremely rude (heaven forbid he ever get sick), and I let the stress of it all get to me so much that Ryan and I got in a huge fight. But you know what? We made up. I never have to talk to the organizer again. And the earth is still turning. I mean this was an agonizing decision, and it sucked, but it helps me put into perspective all these day to day things. I'm often reminded of a post I wrote about failure – if you failed completely, would everything be okay? The answer is yes. It's always yes and then some.

Thanks for continuing the conversation, Sam. It helps.
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Oh Rebecca, that does not sound like fun at all But, I'm so glad that everything worked out in the end. Being sick sucks in the first place, and then to have to deal with something so stressful on top of it, and yet you took away a great lesson. There's this saying that what's meant to be will always find its way. If you failed completely, the things that were meant to be, the people who matter, would still be there. You did what was right for you and your health. It's hard to put yourself first like that, even when you know you should, so I definitely applaud you for doing so. Thanks so much for your comments. Anytime you need or want to continue the conversation, just let me know.
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MandaPanda

ok….so i'm sitting here discussing with myself if i should comment or not. it's really awesome to know that i am not the only one out there who copes with this obcessive thinking. i was put on anxiety meds when i was 15 and now am 30 and have been off of them for a few years. don't care much for pills and i have gotten used to my OCD! very aggrivating but i cope! i have the worst time eating chips in front of people because i just know that you can hear my crunching 20miles away and the whole time i am fighting with myself to chew quieter! finally i just say forget it and put them away for later. and it is taking me an hour to write this cause i have to reread every line over at least three times. there i go again. but thank u so much for posting this site!
http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

Manda: I'm so glad you decided to comment! You are a perfect example of why I write posts like this. You are certainly not alone, as you can see from my post and the rest of the comments. Remember that although you may never have a completely quiet mind, you CAN have a quieter one. Thank you so much for commenting!
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gordon.c

usually i feel im alone, that no one deals with what i do. I know this isnt true but this is not a topic of choice to talk about. This really hit home in a good way. thank you.
patrickO

LOL ^ THIS IS JUST LIKE ME xD
Yes

I do the same… Although mostly drunk,the little voice prevents me from getting laid nowadays
Stephen

I’m actually writing a book on hearing voices and I want to include the notion of the little voice inside me. You post was quite interesting in that regard. Stephen
The Voice

Yup just drink listerine until you pass out.
Rosa

Heya,
Tonight I can’t sleep, my brain just wont slow down, so I googled “How can I make the little voice in my head be quiet?” and came up with your post. It made me cry, in the good way.
Thank you.