How Old Are You Now? The Relationship Between Age & Wisdom

by Samantha on October 7, 2009

You know the slightly annoying, yet amusing, song people sometimes sing after “Happy Birthday” that asks “how old are you now?” It’s an easy question to answer, although some of us don’t like to admit the answer. Birthdays mark our years on Earth, and keeping track of them reminds us how old we are. But, this one number should not define us. I am 24 years old, but life experience has given me the wisdom of someone much older. I’ve always been mature for my age, while still keeping the child alive within me.  I’m not saying screw birthdays, or rebel against the concept of age, just don’t judge someone or make assumptions or generalizations based on the number of birthdays they’ve had.

One of my co-workers came into our office yesterday to tell us about a recent break up with his girlfriend. Apparently he told one lie, “to protect her,” and she broke up with him. He stressed that the lie wasn’t a big deal, and that she shouldn’t have reacted so strongly. Then he went on with an age-based rant that went something like this, “The thing is, she’s only 24, and if she’d been through a bunch of bad relationships like I have, she would realize how trivial this is in the scheme of things.” This co-worker and my office mate are both in their 30s. As they continued discussing their shared wisdom, I sat here thinking that I’m 24 and, although I haven’t been through “a bunch of bad relationships,” I’ve dealt with some pretty tough stuff. True, his (now ex-) girlfriend is the same age as me, but the reasons she reacted strongly to his lie probably have very little to do with her age.  Maybe she has had bad relationships in the past, I don’t know her so I can’t say. But,  listening to my co-worker provide this line of reasoning reminded me how dangerous generalizations can be.

Maybe what bothers me is not my co-worker making these statements, he does know the girl in question very well, but that my office mate hopped on the ageism bandwagon so quickly. Every age group and generation has certain stigmas associated with it, that’s just a fact of life. But, that doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. Remember this: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Have you overheard or experienced ageism or been judged unfairly because of your age? How did you react? Do you think this is something that will always happen or is there something we can do about it? Maybe it’s not a battle worth fighting?

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Tagged as: Gen Y, Learning, Meaning, Relationships, society

  • Susan: I'm glad you've enjoyed these posts. You bring up some very interesting points. There is definitely a stigma about "young people" that we have a lot to learn, but you're right that people also need to realize that we have learned and experienced a lot. Although you may not look your age, on the other side of things, I think that you're very mature and wise for your age. This is exactly why I say we can't be limited by one number! Thanks for sharing your perspective!
  • Sam: I've loved reading your past few posts though admit I've been remiss in responding. But I am now! So, progress :)

    I think as people get older, they somewhat naturally feel a need to dismiss due to age. There's that flippant, "oh, she's young, she'll learn" attitude. We are young, we are learning. But that doesn't mean we haven't learned, experienced, etc before.

    On another side -- I look a lot younger than I am. So I do tend to get that often before people realize my age; I find myself attempting to prove myself and my maturity. I wonder where that falls into play.

    Anyway, great post and discussion!
  • Susan: I'm glad you've enjoyed these posts. You bring up some very interesting points. There is definitely a stigma about "young people" that we have a lot to learn, but you're right that people also need to realize that we have learned and experienced a lot. Although you may not look your age, on the other side of things, I think that you're very mature and wise for your age. This is exactly why I say we can't be limited by one number! Thanks for sharing your perspective!
  • Sam: I've loved reading your past few posts though admit I've been remiss in responding. But I am now! So, progress :)

    I think as people get older, they somewhat naturally feel a need to dismiss due to age. There's that flippant, "oh, she's young, she'll learn" attitude. We are young, we are learning. But that doesn't mean we haven't learned, experienced, etc before.

    On another side -- I look a lot younger than I am. So I do tend to get that often before people realize my age; I find myself attempting to prove myself and my maturity. I wonder where that falls into play.

    Anyway, great post and discussion!
  • You know, I'm very young for my age. I'm a senior in college and I'm 20, and I'll only be turning 21 in March. I've always been young for my grade and so if anything, I've always been given the benefit of doubt. People always assume I'm smart because I'm young, but honestly this somewhat bothers me too. I'd like to just be considered equally to other members of the 2010 class, not treated specially because I'm younger.

    I also don't really recognize discrimination. Strange but even though I probably have encountered discrimination, I never really notice it, nor do I care much. Strange, I know.
  • Akhila: I'm actually the opposite of you, I turned 21 at the beginning of my junior year in college. So, I've always been one of the oldest ones in my grade. It's interesting that most of the ageism you've faced is assuming something positive about you, and yet it still bothers you. This is exactly what I mean about generalizations. Even if we're generalizing about something seemingly positive, that doesn't make it okay. Thanks for your comments!
  • I find that I'm discriminated against more because of my age than the fact that I'm a girl. Wanna know what sucks too? Some of the worst offenders are older women who seem to be more than free to "share" (ie tell) me how things are. I think people really do want to help, to impart their brilliant wisdom since they have "been through it" before.

    Course it's hard to impart wisdom onto someone else cause they live a life of TOTALLY different consequences, circumstances and realities. Easy to forget that though...
  • Elisa: Thanks for sharing your experience. I know what you mean. Older women do feel that they should impart wisdom on us because they've "been through it." I think it's usually well-intentioned, and you're right that they forget that other people likely have different circumstances than they did. Maybe if the delivery of this wisdom was better, and they didn't just share their own experience, but a general lesson that we could apply to our own lives. I guess when we become "older women" we'll just have to break the cycle :)
  • Akhila: I'm actually the opposite of you, I turned 21 at the beginning of my junior year in college. So, I've always been one of the oldest ones in my grade. It's interesting that most of the ageism you've faced is assuming something positive about you, and yet it still bothers you. This is exactly what I mean about generalizations. Even if we're generalizing about something seemingly positive, that doesn't make it okay. Thanks for your comments!
  • Elisa: Thanks for sharing your experience. I know what you mean. Older women do feel that they should impart wisdom on us because they've "been through it." I think it's usually well-intentioned, and you're right that they forget that other people likely have different circumstances than they did. Maybe if the delivery of this wisdom was better, and they didn't just share their own experience, but a general lesson that we could apply to our own lives. I guess when we become "older women" we'll just have to break the cycle :)
  • You know, I'm very young for my age. I'm a senior in college and I'm 20, and I'll only be turning 21 in March. I've always been young for my grade and so if anything, I've always been given the benefit of doubt. People always assume I'm smart because I'm young, but honestly this somewhat bothers me too. I'd like to just be considered equally to other members of the 2010 class, not treated specially because I'm younger.

    I also don't really recognize discrimination. Strange but even though I probably have encountered discrimination, I never really notice it, nor do I care much. Strange, I know.
  • I find that I'm discriminated against more because of my age than the fact that I'm a girl. Wanna know what sucks too? Some of the worst offenders are older women who seem to be more than free to "share" (ie tell) me how things are. I think people really do want to help, to impart their brilliant wisdom since they have "been through it" before.

    Course it's hard to impart wisdom onto someone else cause they live a life of TOTALLY different consequences, circumstances and realities. Easy to forget that though...
  • Clearly the problem here is that your co-worker doesn't realize that it's not because she was 24, but because she was a woman that she was so flaky about his little lie :)

    Kidding, aside I don't know if other circumstances have inspired your last few posts or what, but I've really enjoyed the depth of your recent posts (and the fact that they're simultaneously quick and easy to digest.) Keep rocking Sam!
  • Ryan, Ryan, Ryan! Watch it with your sexist comments! Haha, fortunately, I know you're only kidding :) It is true though that women react differently than men, although, like age, I don't think it's as relevant in this situation as her personality and past experience.

    Thanks for your compliments on my recent posts. The roller coaster of life has been my inspiration recently, and I decided I would try for shorter posts if it meant I could still find time for writing. I'm glad you're enjoying them!
  • Ryan, Ryan, Ryan! Watch it with your sexist comments! Haha, fortunately, I know you're only kidding :) It is true though that women react differently than men, although, like age, I don't think it's as relevant in this situation as her personality and past experience.

    Thanks for your compliments on my recent posts. The roller coaster of life has been my inspiration recently, and I decided I would try for shorter posts if it meant I could still find time for writing. I'm glad you're enjoying them!
  • Kelsey: Often comments or reactions like that are made without thinking. It's not meant to offend, but it still does. I think we all need to look at things more positively. You may have never used a typewriter, but being a member of Gen Y probably makes you much more computer savvy than your older co-workers. So, instead of laughing at you, your CEO should be excited about what you can bring to the company. Maybe you're right and some ageism is unavoidable, but I hope we can get to a point where there's less of it in this world. Thanks so much for commenting!
  • Clearly the problem here is that your co-worker doesn't realize that it's not because she was 24, but because she was a woman that she was so flaky about his little lie :)

    Kidding, aside I don't know if other circumstances have inspired your last few posts or what, but I've really enjoyed the depth of your recent posts (and the fact that they're simultaneously quick and easy to digest.) Keep rocking Sam!
  • The CEO at my company laughed at me when I said I had never used a typewriter. I'm not sure if that would be considered ageism, but it definitely made me a bit angry. I do think it's a lost cause. Certainly when employees are being discriminated against as a result of their age it can and should be addressed, but in day-to-day interactions I think it will always be an unavoidable problem.
  • Kelsey: Often comments or reactions like that are made without thinking. It's not meant to offend, but it still does. I think we all need to look at things more positively. You may have never used a typewriter, but being a member of Gen Y probably makes you much more computer savvy than your older co-workers. So, instead of laughing at you, your CEO should be excited about what you can bring to the company. Maybe you're right and some ageism is unavoidable, but I hope we can get to a point where there's less of it in this world. Thanks so much for commenting!
  • The CEO at my company laughed at me when I said I had never used a typewriter. I'm not sure if that would be considered ageism, but it definitely made me a bit angry. I do think it's a lost cause. Certainly when employees are being discriminated against as a result of their age it can and should be addressed, but in day-to-day interactions I think it will always be an unavoidable problem.
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