Do More Than Just Hear, Listen

by Samantha on November 9, 2009

Hearing and listening are two totally different things.  We hear a lot of things, but rarely do we actually listen to the sounds or the words. You can play a song on your iPod and tune out everything but the beat. It’s easy to hear what someone has to say and only listen to the parts that concern you. Far too often, people ask “how are you?” without waiting to hear the answer.  They ask out of courtesy and habit, not because they really want to know.

Have you ever noticed how much people apologize after they vent about something? Of course, we don’t want to unload our baggage on others, be a downer, or burden people with our troubles. I’ll admit, I’m not much a feelings sharer.  But, I’m learning to switch roles every once and a while and let someone else be the listener. After all, that’s what friends are for, and  I’ve always worked very hard to be a supportive friend. I’m proud that people feel comfortable talking to me and confiding in me. My friends know they can trust me and they know I will always listen to them. Whether it’s online, over the phone, or in person, I’m there for them.

So, here’s the bottom line: Don’t just hear what someone has to say, truly listen. Make people feel comfortable with you and encourage them to talk to you about their problems. When someone is venting to you, don’t interrupt or change the subject to something about yourself. Listening requires moments of selflessness. So, put others first, but don’t forget to put yourself first sometimes too.

If anyone needs to vent, just let me know. And, thanks to those who have been there for me.

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  • lysser
    Great post, Sam! I know I've been absent from the twitter/blogging world lately, but I'm back and so glad to have seen this! I remember reading some of your posts before that relate to this subject like the one entitled "Say What's on Your Mind." I think it's great to post these thoughts because it gives us all some sense of self-awareness that we can use to improve our communication with others and make it more effective and rewarding :)
  • lysser
    Great post, Sam! I know I've been absent from the twitter/blogging world lately, but I'm back and so glad to have seen this! I remember reading some of your posts before that relate to this subject like the one entitled "Say What's on Your Mind." I think it's great to post these thoughts because it gives us all some sense of self-awareness that we can use to improve our communication with others and make it more effective and rewarding :)
  • Alyssa: Thanks so much! I'm glad you've enjoyed these posts. Sometimes I feel like I'm posting about things that should be obvious to people, but the truth is that we get so caught up in our daily lives that we often forget the little things. Happy to provide a reminder :)
  • I agree that there is a clear distinction between listening and hearing. Looking at it from a business perspective - the businesses who are successful at actively engaging customers through Social Media are spending a lot of time listening - but not just listening, really hearing and paying attention to what their customers are talking about.

    Listening is important - but knowing WHEN to engage and get involved in the discussion is that much more critical - and that, requires spending time to HEAR what your community is saying. Good points Sam.
  • Matt: Listening to and engaging with customers is very important for businesses and community leaders alike. Social media allows us the unique opportunity to connect with our customers in real time. The downside to that is that it also provides people with a forum to voice their complaints. But, the best companies have a plan in place to deal with negative feedback, and use sites like Twitter as customer service resources. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
  • One of my favorite authors, Peter S. Beagle, has a great quote in his book "The Last Unicorn:"

    "No, no, listen, don't listen to me, listen."

    Sometimes, listening can speak volumes. Great post, Sam!
  • Love that line Susan, thanks for sharing! Glad you enjoyed the post :)
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