Not Being Happy For Someone Just Means You Care

Okay…that’s not always true, but the point is that it’s okay to not be completely happy for someone. You can also be simultaneously happy and unhappy for them, and that’s okay too.

That’s how I feel right now. Happy and unhappy for my friend Jen. She’s one of my best friends from college. We were roommates freshman year, and we’ve been close ever since. This Fall will mark six years of friendship. We’ve been through a lot together, and we have some pretty fantastic memories. We both work in Manhattan, so we’ll often (although not often enough) meet for lunch and catch up. At one of our lunch dates a few months ago, Jen mentioned that she and her boyfriend were considering moving to San Francisco at some point in the next year or so. If they even went, it wouldn’t be until the end of the summer, and that was if they could somehow find jobs.

I wasn’t too keen on the idea, seeing as how San Fran is…you know, on the other side of the country (see above map), but I figured I had time to prepare myself, and even then it might not happen. Well, it turns out I was wrong. Last week, I found out that Jen had been applying to jobs in SF just for the heck of it, and not only had she been offered a great position in her field, but they wanted her to start next month. I’m sorry…what?! Next month?! That’s like…very soon!! This is a sample of my initial reaction, at least the one in my head. It was right about that time that the happy/unhappy combination started.

Yesterday, Jen and I had lunch, which only perpetuated the feeling, reminding me how incredibly awesome she is and how much I love spending time with her. I’m happy for her because this is something she really wants to do. She’ll have a chance to start her real grownup life with her boyfriend, and enjoy exploring a new city. The job sounds great too, and I know she hasn’t been loving her current one so much. But, I’m also not happy for her…or for me. I’ll miss our lunch dates, and the ease of making plans when you live in contingent states. It’s not like she’s just going up to Boston. San Fran is about as far as she could go, and quite honestly, I don’t know when I’ll have the means to go out there and visit.

So, I’m happy for her, really truly, honestly happy! But, I’m not completely happy, and that’s okay. I’m not happy because I’ll miss her terribly, because someone I care about is moving all the way across the country. If I wasn’t sad, there would probably be something wrong with me. It would certainly tell you about the quality of our friendship. So, if you ever find yourself in one of these happy/unhappy situations, know that it’s okay to feel that way, and it just shows you care. Chances are, the other person feels the same way.