My Inner Demons: Self-Doubt

by Sam on May 13, 2009

I had another post written for today. I liked it, but I felt like this post really needed to be written. I hope it’s not too diary-like, but the best posts are the ones that come from the heart, when inspiration strikes without warning. So, here it goes…

I doubt myself. Quite often actually. The doubt comes in many forms: lack of confidence, anxiety, worry, negativity, and it’s strong. I’m so used to it that I don’t even notice when it creeps up behind me and takes hold. I like myself, it’s nothing like that, and I’m a generally happy person.  But, it takes a lot for me to walk down the street with my head held high, without thinking of how people perceive me, or to look in the mirror without finding something wrong.

I’m a giver. It makes me happy to see the people I care about happy. I put a lot into my relationships with people, and when I care about you, I really care. I love doing little things to make people smile, like sending cards for birthdays and random holidays, and I treasure my role as confidante to many of my friends. I do these things because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. Maybe I should, but I’m not so good at asking for help or support. Occasionally, I’ve been told I’m too nice, and maybe I am, but there are worse things to be known for than being too nice.

The truth is, that I am constantly questioning myself. Did I do something wrong? Was sending that card was a little much? Am I being annoying?  Why are people looking at me, do I have something on my face?  No one’s going to comment on this post, are they? Everyone has moments of doubt. Everyone could use a confidence boost at one point or another. Everyone worries at times. I know I’m not alone in this, but for me it’s not just moments, or at one point, or at times…it’s constant.

I guess like most things, the first step is admitting you have a problem.  So, here I am, pouring my heart out on my blog, calling myself out. And now is when I ask for help. How do you quiet the voices of doubt? What enables you to walk with confidence? How do you get to a place where you’re not second guessing and questioning yourself all the time? What do you do to free yourself from worry? Old habits die hard, but I’m certainly willing to try. I think I probably deserve it.

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Tagged as: confidence

  • Matt, insightful comments as always. It's interesting that you don't think doubt is a bad thing overall. Maybe it's not the doubt that's so bad, but how we handle it, and how strong it is. It's true that we don't want to be, and probably can't be, totally sure of ourselves all the time. You're right, if we give our best effort, and there's nothing else we could have done, we shouldn't need to doubt ourselves. Thanks for contributing to the discussion!
  • Andhari, I would say it's nice to know that I'm not alone, but I wish you didn't feel this way. I doubt myself, I'm not always confident, I worry like crazy, but deep down I love myself. I am going to make a concerted effort to put myself first and trust myself more, and I hope you will too. Thank you for your comments!
  • Kristina, thank you for your honesty as well. It's definitely hard to stay afloat in the sea of self-doubt, but I think it can be done. I think one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with people who care (see Sam's comments above), and make yourself proud.
  • It's inevitable that we are going to have doubts. Doubt about ourselves, doubts about other people. It's a part of what makes us human. But I don't think doubt is, overall, a bad thing. It CAN limit us, it CAN hold us back, it CAN be a result of us lacking self confidence, but it also CAN keep us grounded and humble. Like we say time and time again, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Those that never doubt themselves, those that never question their own ability, those who can say they are never nervous - well, first of all, their lying, secondly, they're probably extremely arrogant. Questioning yourself is healthy, just make sure that, in the end, you give everything your all. When you go in for an interview, give it everything you've got - and when you walk out, you won't have any doubts. If you know you've tried your best, if you 'left it all on the field' so to speak, you won't have to worry about doubting yourself. At that point, all you have to worry about is other people doubting you - and that is something you will never be able to control.

    Awesome post Sam - I love when people throw caution to the wind and write from the heart. Well done.
  • Matt, insightful comments as always. It's interesting that you don't think doubt is a bad thing overall. Maybe it's not the doubt that's so bad, but how we handle it, and how strong it is. It's true that we don't want to be, and probably can't be, totally sure of ourselves all the time. You're right, if we give our best effort, and there's nothing else we could have done, we shouldn't need to doubt ourselves. Thanks for contributing to the discussion!
  • It's inevitable that we are going to have doubts. Doubt about ourselves, doubts about other people. It's a part of what makes us human. But I don't think doubt is, overall, a bad thing. It CAN limit us, it CAN hold us back, it CAN be a result of us lacking self confidence, but it also CAN keep us grounded and humble. Like we say time and time again, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Those that never doubt themselves, those that never question their own ability, those who can say they are never nervous - well, first of all, their lying, secondly, they're probably extremely arrogant. Questioning yourself is healthy, just make sure that, in the end, you give everything your all. When you go in for an interview, give it everything you've got - and when you walk out, you won't have any doubts. If you know you've tried your best, if you 'left it all on the field' so to speak, you won't have to worry about doubting yourself. At that point, all you have to worry about is other people doubting you - and that is something you will never be able to control.

    Awesome post Sam - I love when people throw caution to the wind and write from the heart. Well done.
  • I'm very familiar with this emotion, I doubt myself. A LOT. most of the times it doesn't end well because when I doubt myself, I'll hate myself. I feel unloved and uncapable of doing anything. I try my best not to let it rules my head. You should too, you should prioritize yourself more than anybody :) You're the one who knows what's best for yourself :)
  • Andhari, I would say it's nice to know that I'm not alone, but I wish you didn't feel this way. I doubt myself, I'm not always confident, I worry like crazy, but deep down I love myself. I am going to make a concerted effort to put myself first and trust myself more, and I hope you will too. Thank you for your comments!
  • I'm very familiar with this emotion, I doubt myself. A LOT. most of the times it doesn't end well because when I doubt myself, I'll hate myself. I feel unloved and uncapable of doing anything. I try my best not to let it rules my head. You should too, you should prioritize yourself more than anybody :) You're the one who knows what's best for yourself :)
  • Oh Sam! I wish I had the answer, but I am in the same boat as you, floating in that sea of self-doubt. I am constantly questioning as well. Worried that I have done wrong, made a mistake, and not as good as others. Maybe together we can figure this out. Thank you for just an honest post.
  • Kristina, thank you for your honesty as well. It's definitely hard to stay afloat in the sea of self-doubt, but I think it can be done. I think one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with people who care (see Sam's comments above), and make yourself proud.
  • Oh Sam! I wish I had the answer, but I am in the same boat as you, floating in that sea of self-doubt. I am constantly questioning as well. Worried that I have done wrong, made a mistake, and not as good as others. Maybe together we can figure this out. Thank you for just an honest post.
  • Sam, thanks for checking my face for me lol, but seriously, thank you so much for everything you said. I really value your opinion, and to know that you think so highly of me is very reassuring. It's interesting to hear what you see from the outside looking in, and nice to be reminded that there are a lot of people who care about me. Props to your mom for teaching you such an important lesson. I will definitely try to live so that the person most proud of me, is me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for these comments!
  • sam
    loved this Sam. first off let me say, you don't have anything on your face ;) you have no reason to doubt yourself. you're a smart intelligent funny honest person. from where i sit, you are surrounded by people, both home and at the office, that really give a damn about u and what happens to u. asking for help is never easy, and a lot of times i think it has to do with how society portrays those that ask for aid. i was always taught to live so that the person most proud of you, is you.
    But if you need a hand, don't be afraid to ask. That's perfectly okay too. (i'm dead serious - i actually blogged about it: http://americathisishollywood.blogspot.com/2008... ). believe in yourself; you deserve it.
  • Sam, thanks for checking my face for me lol, but seriously, thank you so much for everything you said. I really value your opinion, and to know that you think so highly of me is very reassuring. It's interesting to hear what you see from the outside looking in, and nice to be reminded that there are a lot of people who care about me. Props to your mom for teaching you such an important lesson. I will definitely try to live so that the person most proud of me, is me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for these comments!
  • sam
    loved this Sam. first off let me say, you don't have anything on your face ;) you have no reason to doubt yourself. you're a smart intelligent funny honest person. from where i sit, you are surrounded by people, both home and at the office, that really give a damn about u and what happens to u. asking for help is never easy, and a lot of times i think it has to do with how society portrays those that ask for aid. i was always taught to live so that the person most proud of you, is you.
    But if you need a hand, don't be afraid to ask. That's perfectly okay too. (i'm dead serious - i actually blogged about it: http://americathisishollywood.blogspot.com/2008... ). believe in yourself; you deserve it.
  • Bluebelle, thank you for your comments and your support. Looking at it from the other side is definitely a great way to stop over analyzing when doing something nice for a friend. As for the religious answer, as much as I do value that, I also know that I need to be at peace with myself, without any outside influences. I don't know if that makes sense. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
  • Sam, that's such a great, open post. I really struggle to show my self-doubt to others even on my blog so your openess is amazing! I have to confess that sometimes I've thought of doing something for a friend, sending a card or making them some cookies and then not done it in case its too much. I'm working on that by trying to look at it from the other side - whenever someone does something nice for me I appreciate it, and feel valued. I guess I'm the wrong person to try and answer this - but I think most people constantly question themselves. I guess the religious answer (I've been reading long enough to pick up on the fact that your faith is important to you!) is to find your self worth and identity in God, rather than in the opinions of other people. Easier said than done, huh?!
  • Bluebelle, thank you for your comments and your support. Looking at it from the other side is definitely a great way to stop over analyzing when doing something nice for a friend. As for the religious answer, as much as I do value that, I also know that I need to be at peace with myself, without any outside influences. I don't know if that makes sense. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
  • Sam, that's such a great, open post. I really struggle to show my self-doubt to others even on my blog so your openess is amazing! I have to confess that sometimes I've thought of doing something for a friend, sending a card or making them some cookies and then not done it in case its too much. I'm working on that by trying to look at it from the other side - whenever someone does something nice for me I appreciate it, and feel valued. I guess I'm the wrong person to try and answer this - but I think most people constantly question themselves. I guess the religious answer (I've been reading long enough to pick up on the fact that your faith is important to you!) is to find your self worth and identity in God, rather than in the opinions of other people. Easier said than done, huh?!
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