So, I had this whole plan to write a post about appreciating our freedom, in honor of the upcoming July 4th holiday. I wasn’t sure when I was going to write it, since life has been particularly busy recently. And then, all of a sudden, my schedule opened up…and I also got an even more relevant topic for a blog post.

Okay, here it goes, deep breath…I’m unemployed. Yep, as of yesterday, I am a free bird. The position that I had at my company for the past year and a half has been eliminated. This came as a complete shock, and I was pretty upset as I packed up my spare shoes and desk toys on my way out. But, as the day went on, I realized that I had a choice.  I could feel bad for myself, think about how life just keeps handing me lemons, and wonder why the universe seems to have it out for me; or, I could make the most of this opportunity and see it as a blessing in disguise. If you’ve read any of my other posts about the challenges I have confronted in the past couple of years, you will not be surprised to know that I chose the latter.

A couple of friends have posts up today about setting goals for the second half of 2010.  What a timely topic! So, here’s my goal for the rest of this year:  be happy! I know, you were probably expecting me to say “get a job,” and while that’s included in “be happy,” it’s certainly not all of it.  Yes, a top priority is finding a job, something that I can bring my skills and experience to, and something that I truly enjoy doing. I’m going to believe in myself and be confident in what I can bring to the table. When I do find something, I want to wake up every day and be excited to go to work, and if not every day, than at least most days.  I also want to be happy about myself.  I just joined a new gym, and I’m really pumped about it.  And now that I don’t have to sit at a desk all day, I can get outside and enjoy the fresh air more.  I’m also planning my wedding, and I have been determined from the start for the fun to overtake the stress of the experience. So far, stress is winning out, but soon most of the big things will be out of the way and it’ll be all fun.

Look, if I’ve learned nothing else the past two years, it’s that we can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to each situation. Yes, this sucks, but I’m choosing to find the silver lining in the cloud, to realize that it could be much worse, and to look at this as a fresh start. I mean really, the possibilities are endless, isn’t that exciting?!

Helplessness is one of the worst feelings in the world. Seeing someone you love in pain and not being able to do a thing to make it better is excruciating.  You try to be logical and remind yourself that there are certain things that are beyond your control, and this is one of them, but it doesn’t help. If you could take their pain upon yourself you would. You would make a deal with the devil, give everything you have for a big fast forward button. But, no matter how hard you wish, there is still no such thing as a time machine, and no amount of bargaining will make it all go away.

So, you try to be strong, while you hold back tears, and somehow find words of reassurance to offer. You’re there when you can be, for support and companionship and distraction. And when you can’t, you call on the phone and send e-mails and messages. You hold on to hope that things will get better, because they have to. This feeling will go away eventually, and G-d willing, so will the pain. Until then, you just take it one day at a time, because that’s all you can do.

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Wow, what a week. The past six days have been filled with so much death and sadness. I got an update from my dad on the story I wrote about earlier this week. The boy’s mother did end up passing away, and it turns out that the other driver was arrested for DWI. Then, three tragic loses in Hollywood: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. And, one of my best friends from college lost her father this week as well. I hope they all rest in peace, and that their families, friends, and fans can find some comfort in the happy memories they shared with those who are no longer with them. Remember, if you know someone going through a tough time, all you have to do is be there.

After a week like this, we all need a little encouragement. So, I brought out some old, reliable words of wisdom:

This is a set of bookmarks that my aunt gave me a long time ago. I was probably a teenager at the time, and I had no idea how powerful these words actually were. If you can’t read them, they say:

The only way 2 live happily ever after is 2 do it one day at a time.

Success is loving what you do! (DO WHAT YOU LOVE!)

if you are too busy 2 laugh, u are too busy.

Despite the pastel colors, metallic print, and numbers in place of letters…if you think about it, these are truly words to live by.  Take life one day at a time, and make the most of every day. Do what you love if you want to achieve true success; It’s worth the risk. No matter how much you have going on in your life, good or bad, make sure you always have time to laugh every day. Have fun, live a little, don’t let yourself have any regrets.

Sometimes time goes by so quickly that it leaves us in the dust, wondering where it went. We say things like, “It seems like only yesterday…” and “Wasn’t it just December?”  Other times, it’s the exact opposite. Time drags by. One year feels like ten. Something that happened just twelve months ago seems like a distant memory. We say, “That was only a year ago?” and “I can’t believe it’s not even June.”  The latter of the two describes what the past year has been like for me. In fact, this has been the longest year of my life.

This time last year, I was graduating from college. It was literally twelve months ago, and yet it feels like so much longer. If you had told the me walking across that stage last May receiving her diploma, what her life would look like only a year later, she probably would have laughed in your face. This has been a year of so many emotions, the most prominent ones being sadness, pain, shock and grief. For quite a few months,  nothing was going right. Things kept happening, and none of them were good. It was like I kept getting punched in the stomach. The first few times, it knocked the wind out of me, but I got back up and kept on going. After a while though, I found myself looking to the heavens and saying, please let there be something good, I don’t know how many more punches I can take.

There are some of these “punches” that I’ve written about here, and some that I haven’t. If you’re a regular reader, I hope you know that I always do my best to be as genuine as possible, but there are just some things that I’m not ready to share. Nonetheless, here I am again, pouring out my heart, and you might be wondering why. It’s because I want to tell you something very important: this has been the longest, most difficult year of my life, but I’m here and I’m okay.

As the punches persisted, the people who care about me kept telling me that things would get better. As much as part of me wanted to tell them to stop feeding me bullshit,  in a little corner of my heart, I believed them, and I held on to that hope. Here I am, looking back a year later and I can tell you that my life will never be the same. There are things that have changed, and they will never go back to the way they were.  But, I’m okay.  I was broken, but I’ve started to put myself back together.

Throughout this year, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I thought I was. If I can make it through a year where life as I knew it was turned upside down, I can probably make it through anything. And I’m sharing this with you because I know everyone has days, months, and years like I’ve had.  Stress, sadness, or pain overcome you, and you don’t believe that they’ll ever go away. Take it from someone who knows, things will get better. I promise I’m not just feeding you bullshit. It’ll take some time, and you probably won’t notice it for a while. But, you can make it, you are stronger than you know.  In the wise words of Dory in Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

Can you think of a time in your life when time went especially slowly, or when it seemed to whiz by? What do you think influences how we perceive the speed of our days, months and years? Has the past year gone by quickly or slowly for you?

Have you ever read a blog post offering advice on a particular subject and thought, “who are you to be telling me what to do?” We often talk about the importance of being authentic, and only writing about things we know, or have experienced, or would try ourselves. But, we don’t always back up our authenticity by sharing our own story, we just reference it generally and then proceed to give advice. It might be my journalism major kicking in, but I believe it’s important to support what I say, so that’s what I’m going to do.

I write frequently about appreciation, appreciating life, appreciating our family, and friends, appreciating what we have. My goal in writing about these things is to remind people to appreciate every day, so they won’t have any regrets.  I had the opportunity to contribute to a great series called the Inconvenience of Change, on Life Without Pants, and my post was featured this week. I wrote about when my dad had a heart attack, and was forced to make changes in his life, but wished he had made them sooner. As I said in that post, that was the scariest night of my life, and I will always remember every detail. That was the first time that I realized how precious life is and that you never know what’s going to happen. Since then, I have made a conscious effort to tell my parents I love them as much as possible, whether on the phone or in person, whether I’m going out for an hour, or traveling across the world. I buy them sappy cards for their birthdays and mother’s day/father’s day because I want them to know how grateful I am to have them.

My second reality check happened just last summer. Before I tell you what happened, I’ll give you some background. I’ve always spent a lot of time at temple, my dad is a rabbi after all, and I happen to enjoy being there, which works out well. I was always active in youth group in Massachusetts, but was a little wary when we moved to New York the summer before Junior year of high school. Fortunately, I met some great people, including Max. We were pretty unlikely friends, but that never bothered us. The Max I knew was a sweet, funny, caring person, with a big heart.  At school though, Max fell in with a bad crowd and put up a tough exterior to protect himself. He got into trouble and made some bad decisions, but he wasn’t proud of them. I remember that he would always be hesitant to tell me about that part of his life because he didn’t want me to think less of him.

Another thing about Max was that he wanted more out of life. He had dreams, and he realized that the only way he would have a chance would be to start over somewhere else.  So, a couple of years ago, he moved in with family in Florida. It was so good for him. He sent messages to both me and my dad talking about how happy he was, how he was really turning his life around. Max’s first goal was to get his GED, and he worked hard to accomplish it. Finally, the day came when all of his hard work would pay off, and he went to take the final test towards his GED. Afterward, he was so excited that he decided to go out and celebrate. I’ve heard different stories about what happened next, but all that matters is that a bad decision was made. A certain pill was mixed with the alcohol Max was drinking, and his heart couldn’t take it. For me, it’s horribly ironic that someone with such a big heart also had such a weak heart. Just like that, Max was gone.

I was in Ohio when I found out. My mom and I were going through my grandma’s stuff, she had passed away only a month before, when my dad called. He said he had some bad news, and he could barely get through telling me. I was in such complete shock that it took a while for the reality to sink in. It’s one of those things that I will never, ever understand. Here was someone who had a hard life, but refused to give up, and had finally started to turn his life around. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked why, knowing I will never get an answer. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about Max. I miss him. It’s not like we talked every day or knew each other forever, but he was an important part of my life.

We are not invincible, and we never know what tomorrow will bring. I can’t remember the last time I told Max that I was proud of him for turning his life around. I have no idea if I ever thanked him for being such a great friend. I never want to feel that way again, so I am honoring his memory by appreciating the people in my life, and urging others to do the same. The reason I’m writing about this now, is because this Sunday I will be attending Max’s unveiling ceremony. An unveiling is a Jewish custom when the headstone is formally unveiled. It takes place within a year after someone dies, and it’s an opportunity to honor and remember them with close friends and family. This is the first time I will be visiting Max’s grave. I was too upset to go to the burial after the funeral. I know it will be extremely difficult, but I want to be there. I happened to be present when Max’s dad was talking to my dad about what to put on the headstone, and he was deciding whether to include the word “friend.” Before he even finished asking, I was already nodding emphatically, and my dad said to his dad, “there’s your answer.”

This was a pretty difficult post for me to write, but like I said, this is my way of honoring my friend’s memory. So, please take the opportunity to appreciate someone today.  It’s so easy in this high tech world of ours. In fact, I will end with this: thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I appreciate it more than you know.

I had another post written for today. I liked it, but I felt like this post really needed to be written. I hope it’s not too diary-like, but the best posts are the ones that come from the heart, when inspiration strikes without warning. So, here it goes…

I doubt myself. Quite often actually. The doubt comes in many forms: lack of confidence, anxiety, worry, negativity, and it’s strong. I’m so used to it that I don’t even notice when it creeps up behind me and takes hold. I like myself, it’s nothing like that, and I’m a generally happy person.  But, it takes a lot for me to walk down the street with my head held high, without thinking of how people perceive me, or to look in the mirror without finding something wrong.

I’m a giver. It makes me happy to see the people I care about happy. I put a lot into my relationships with people, and when I care about you, I really care. I love doing little things to make people smile, like sending cards for birthdays and random holidays, and I treasure my role as confidante to many of my friends. I do these things because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. Maybe I should, but I’m not so good at asking for help or support. Occasionally, I’ve been told I’m too nice, and maybe I am, but there are worse things to be known for than being too nice.

The truth is, that I am constantly questioning myself. Did I do something wrong? Was sending that card was a little much? Am I being annoying?  Why are people looking at me, do I have something on my face?  No one’s going to comment on this post, are they? Everyone has moments of doubt. Everyone could use a confidence boost at one point or another. Everyone worries at times. I know I’m not alone in this, but for me it’s not just moments, or at one point, or at times…it’s constant.

I guess like most things, the first step is admitting you have a problem.  So, here I am, pouring my heart out on my blog, calling myself out. And now is when I ask for help. How do you quiet the voices of doubt? What enables you to walk with confidence? How do you get to a place where you’re not second guessing and questioning yourself all the time? What do you do to free yourself from worry? Old habits die hard, but I’m certainly willing to try. I think I probably deserve it.

I don’t think I’m too oversensitive. I know how to take a joke, and I make some pretty good ones too.  I even laugh at most of the jokes on Family Guy.  Sometimes humor is too stupid, too inappropriate and all I can do is roll my eyes and shake my head. But, I have never been so disgusted with an attempt at humor. The only way you can understand where I’m coming from is to watch the commercial for yourself.  Please note, in no way am I promoting this ad or excusing it by playing it here.

Disgusting doesn’t even do it justice. I was physically sick to my stomach the first time I saw this commercial on MTV. It’s not funny. The Holocaust was not funny. 11 million people died. The Nazis tried to exterminate an entire religion, to rid the Earth of anyone who didn’t fit into their perfect Aryan world. Yes, this bothers me because I am a Jew, but more than that, it bothers me because I am human. MTV has some pretty smutty shows and plays some songs with questionable content, but I expect better than this.  I wonder if Andy Samberg thought it would be okay for him to make fun of the Holocaust in such a way because he’s a Jew himself.  If anything, that makes it worse.  What kind of message does that send? If a Jew can mock the Holocaust on national TV for the sake of humor, it’s okay for anyone to make jokes about the deaths of 6 million Jews. No, it’s not okay.

What do you think of this ad? Is it “just a joke?” Am I overreacting, or am I justified in my disgust? I welcome your comments, and I encourage discussion, but, please nothing offensive.

You often hear well-meaning moms and preschool teachers trying to convince a crying toddler to “turn their frown upside down.” There’s also the argument that frowning requires more muscles than smiling, or that it will cause wrinkles to form deep in your skin and never, ever go away. But, I’m going to go against convention and say that you don’t always have to turn your frown upside down.

Sometimes, it’s okay to frown, it’s okay to be sad. In fact, if you force yourself to be happy, you’re just suppressing your true feelings, and they’ll only come back bigger and stronger later on. It’s okay to cry, even for guys. You’re not showing a sign of weakness, you’re showing a sign of strength. So, if something’s got you down, go ahead and sit in a dark room by yourself and think about it for a little while, cry as much as you need to, it’s okay. But then, keep going. Get back to your life and keep on living. Don’t forget about the sad things, but don’t let them take over the rest of your life. From the beautifully moving “End of October” by Pat McGee: You’ve got so many reasons to smile.

Let’s face it, as much as we may love our job and truly enjoy coming to the office every day, we do have lives beyond our cubicles. (At least I hope we do!). We try our hardest to keep our personal lives separate from work, but what do we do when we’re dealing with something tough in our personal lives? Is it okay to tell our boss what’s going on? How do we do this without crossing a line? And how do we make sure it doesn’t effect our working relationship?

There are certain things that happen that make us sad, like breaking up with a significant other or fighting with a friend or family member. Horrible though they may seem at the time, the hurt and anger will pass. Sometimes though, we’re dealing with tougher issues like sickness, death, or divorce…what do we do then? Of course, it depends on the environment of your office and the way people relate to each other, as well as the relationships that you have with your co-workers and superiors. But, here’s a general rule of thumb: if whatever you’re dealing with may at some point interfere with your work or affect your mood in a way that people would notice, tell your boss.

It doesn’t have the be the higher ups of the company, in fact it probably shouldn’t be, but make a point of taking your direct supervisor aside. Tell them that you just wanted to make them aware of something that’s going on in your life and then tell them only the basics. It might be an awkward conversation, but believe me, it’ll make you feel better afterwards.

I’ve done this twice, and both times were totally worth it. Because when you’re emotionally drained, it shows, and then you might end up trying to explain on the spot, and it probably won’t go the way you want it to. If you’ve read my earlier blog entries, you know that my grandma suffered from dementia. While I was interning in D.C., we found out that she also had ovarian cancer. At the time, we didn’t know how bad it was or how quickly it would affect her, so I was worried all the time. I took my supervisor aside and told her what was going on, and later, when I thought I might have to take an emergency trip to Ohio to see my grandma, my boss was totally supportive.

Obviously, what you share with your boss is your choice, but don’t just assume that you have to keep it all inside. Here’s another piece of advice: work can be a great distraction from the tough stuff. Although it’s nice to stop thinking about sad things for a while, make sure you still make time for yourself to be sad. Otherwise, it’ll keep building up inside you and eventually fall down like an avalanche without warning.