Passion. It’s that elusive word that is talked, dreamed and written about often. As overused as it may be, the truth is that everyone has at least one. The definition is subjective and we are all searching to define it for ourselves. For some it comes early in life. Others search for years before they find it. Whenever you figure out what your passion is, the next step is figuring out how to make it part of your every day. Chances are that your passion will light a fire inside you, and even if you can’t pursue it right away, it will keep burning deep down until you make it a reality.

To me, passion is the thing that makes your heart beat faster. It puts an ear-to-ear smile on your face, and makes you want to jump up and down in excitement. It’s work that doesn’t feel like work. It’s losing track of time. Passion is a glistening pool of opportunity that you can’t wait to dive back into every day. It’s worth sacrifice and changes. It’s something you can speak about for hours without notes or nerves. Passion is that thing that you truly enjoy doing. Passion is no holds barred, stepping outside your comfort zone and loving it. It’s learning new things and meeting new people. Passion is fulfillment, worthwhile challenges, and utter joy. It’s side projects and networking opportunities, and planning your escape. Passion is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It is that fire inside you that burns as a constant reminder of what really makes you happy. Stoke it until you can set the world ablaze, just don’t ever let the fire go out.

What does passion mean to you?

This weekend, I gave one of my best friends a present that has been sitting in my purse since her birthday in October. It was a charm for a Pandora bracelet, something I was sure I had seen her wear. But, it turned out that I was wrong. She doesn’t have the bracelet, and thus the charm is useless. Selecting presents for people I care about is something that I truly love to do.  I put a lot of thought into the process, trying to balance fun and function. I enjoy it so much that I even wrote a column about it while I was unemployed a couple of summers ago. As far as I know, this is the first time I’ve really failed at gift giving. I felt awful, and although I know she would never say so, I wouldn’t be surprised if my friend was a little disappointed.

The day after this happened, I went shopping for a present for another good friend. Honestly, I was a little nervous about finding the right thing, second guessing myself more than usual. I had to take a step back and remind myself that this is something I’m really good at it, and it’s the thought that counts the most.

Some of you may be wondering what the hell this has to do with you. Most people find gift giving frustrating, and look forward to reaching the age where it’s no longer necessary, or when they have a significant other who takes care of it for them. For me, this was a failure, albeit a small one. Instead of letting it ruin all further gift giving attempts, I’m taking it in stride. If we can’t learn to deal with the small failures, mistakes and bumps in the road, how will we cope with life’s major challenges? Just because you mess something up once doesn’t mean you’re starting a new trend. Dust yourself off and try again.

I can’t believe we are less than a week away from 2012! As each year ends, I try to look back on the year that was, and forward to what the coming months will be. I also look inwardly and reflect on how true I was to myself, my goals, values and passions in the past year.

A lot of people make long lists of resolutions for the new year, adding items to their bucket lists and promising themselves and others that there will be huge accomplishments and revelations to come. This year, I’m taking on one thing and committing to it fully. This is kind of ironic because the thing I’m committing to fully is committing to things and following through. See, I’ve noticed something about myself. I know a lot of things. I know I should journal more often. I know I should worry less about what others think. I know I should figure out what I want to do with my life. I know I should stop bottling up my emotions. I know I should cut ties with those who only bring negativity into my life. I know I should stop apologizing for things that aren’t my fault…I know all of these things, but the trouble lies in following through, taking action, putting things into practice. So, my goal for 2012 is to stop just knowing, wishing, dreaming, waiting, and planning, and start doing.

What is your #1 goal for the new year?

Every once in a while, I read a book that truly touches me. The message is just what I needed to hear, and it applies to my life in an almost freakishly accurate way. I just finished reading My Year with Eleanor, the true story of a young journalist who uses Eleanor Roosevelt as a role model to conquer fears large and small. Noelle Hancock had recently lost her job as an entertainment blogger and was on the cusp of turning 30. When she looked her life, she didn’t like what she saw. After coming to the realization that fear was holding her back, Noelle decided to conquer one fear every day for a year. The fears range in intensity from running naked down the hallway, to cage diving in shark-infested water, and include hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro, attending trapeze school and doing a stand-up comedy routine. Her journey is inspired by Eleanor and the risks she took throughout her life. As I read, I learned a lot about the former first lady, and was continually inspired by both Eleanor and Noelle.

Towards the end of the book, Noelle reflects on what facing her fears has taught her. She says:

“What I discovered was that, in taking on tangible challenges, I’d grown into someone who could handle the intangibles. That life was not about attaining, it was about letting go. When I looked back, nothing was ever as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it was usually better than I could have imagined. I learned that we should take each moment both more or less seriously because everything passes. The joyful moments are just as fleeting as the terrible ones.”

Everything passes, whether it’s good or bad, happy or sad, frightening or exhilarating. It wasn’t until Noelle took action against her fears that she was able to see life so clearly. Both women learned that they wouldn’t be able to live life to its fullest if they let fear stand in their way.  They both dealt with naysayers and self-doubt, but they faced that too, and overcame it. We all talk a good game, myself included, but maybe it’s time to take more action against the things that are holding us back.

What fears have you conquered? And how have you faced them?

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We live in a society where independence is highly revered. It’s something we aspire to, a goal we seek to obtain. Independence is associated with strength and freedom, and often power. While it’s definitely important to strive for independence in certain areas of our lives, we also have to remember that there are some things we cannot do alone. Certain problems or obstacles require us to depend, at least in part, on someone else, and that’s okay. Collaborating with other people, or simply listening to their opinion or perspective, can open our eyes to possibilities we couldn’t have imagined on our own. We never know how someone might be able to help us, if only we have the courage to ask. The negative stigma associated with asking for help is unnecessary and incorrect. Of course, we all want to be able to say we made it on our own. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t reach out to others along the way.

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How often do you take a moment to step back and think about what you’re doing, saying, thinking and feeling? If we feel an underlying unhappiness, do we stop and search out what might be the cause of it? So often, we hold onto fear, bad relationships and habits because we’re used to them. They are part of our routine, and we never question their place in our day to day. But, when we do force ourselves to evaluate the reasons behind these things, we may find that they are having a greater effect on us than we thought. As difficult as it may be to turn introspective and hold ourselves accountable, doing so can be absolutely life-changing. None of us should be content living life at status quo, so that means we have to be willing to ask the tough questions and be honest with the answers. Once we find the weeds in our lives, we have to pull them out by the roots, ignoring their deceptively pretty flowers, and in their stead, plant something that is truly beautiful.

Respect. Aretha demanded it, and so should we. Respect is essential in our personal and professional relationships. We deserve to receive a certain degree of respect for our time, skills, experience, generosity, commitment, rights, opinions, and much more. Even between superiors and subordinates, some level of respect must exist for that relationship to function. You don’t have to be friends, but at least recognize that that person comes to work every day and does a good job. Don’t make them feel bad about taking a lunch break, and acknowledge when they go the extra mile. If a friend emails you to catch up or ask for a favor, respect their time and your friendship enough to respond. Even if you don’t have time to craft a proper response, at least tell them so. If someone is romantically interested in you and you don’t feel the same, respect them enough to let them down slowly before they fall too hard. When you’ve planned to meet someone, respect their time and effort and be there when you said you would be. If a customer takes the time to give you constructive criticism, listen to what they have to say and see if you can learn something. There are endless examples of the role respect plays in our society. It’s all about treating others as you would like to be treated.  Think about how much better our world could be if we all respected each other a little more.

There are many things in our lives we can’t control. What we can control is how we react to those things. This is something that I (and many others) have written about extensively. Shit happens, even to famous people. Prime example: As I learned from watching Behind the Music at the gym yesterday, Nelly had a pretty rough life growing up. His dad beat him and he bounced around from relative to relative in his early years. A short temper and unstable home life led him to hang out with a bad crowd, and constant financial struggles drove him to drug dealing. It wasn’t until a fellow member of his hip hop group ended up in jail for 10 years that Nelly got a wakeup call. His music career was on its way up, and he realized how much he had at stake. Even though he’s now living the charmed life, he never forgets where he came from, or what he’s been through.

Steve Jobs, may he rest in peace, didn’t exactly ride the straight and narrow either. Jobs was born to a single mother, and adopted at birth. He was a college dropout, and experimented with drugs on the regular. Even after he began to achieve success, he still had several mountains to climb. He clashed with fellow innovators, and was forced out of Apple in the mid 80s. What’s more, he lived with cancer for seven years and didn’t even let that stop him.

These two men, though very different in personality and career path, (and probably taste in music), have something important in common: they faced obstacles in their lives, and they didn’t try to push them under the rug. They also didn’t let the things they had been through define them. They learned from their experiences and embraced them as part of their past, and then they followed their dreams.   They never gave up.

Remember that time I was hesitant to call wedding planning a project? I wrote about how I didn’t have any side hustles at the time, and I was okay with it. One reason I gave was that I was planning my wedding, but I didn’t want to equate that to another job or call it a project of its own…yeah, I take that back. Wedding planning is totally like having a part-time job on the side. It takes sooo much time! Even if you’re lucky like me and have incredibly supportive and involved parents and bridesmaids, chances are that your social life and hours of sleep will decrease in the months leading up to the Big Day.

As of today, there are 17 days until I get married (whoa, really?! eeek! yay!). All of the big stuff is done, and we’re down to the zillions of little details. I could take this post so many different directions, and I probably will explore the other ones at some point, but right now I want to talk about time. I have been busy, and in order to maintain my sanity during this time, I’ve had to put some things on hold or scale them back. For example, as much as I would like to be doing some freelance writing, I’ve recognized that it won’t fit into my schedule right now. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I started posting on this blog twice a week, instead of three times. My closet is in desperate need of organization, but it hasn’t happened. I started doing research to find a new doctor, and even made a few calls, but haven’t found one yet.

The hardest adjustment I’ve had to make is that, for the first time in four years, I will not be participating in the Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk this Fall. I started walking and fundraising in 2007 when my grandma was suffering with dementia. She passed away in the Summer of 2008, and the last time I saw her she didn’t know who I was. So, needless to say, this is a very important, personal cause for me. Many of you have generously contributed to my efforts over the past couple of years, and I definitely appreciate it. But, good fundraising takes time and effort, and with the Walk only about a month after the wedding, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do the cause justice.

Whether we’re going through a big life change, gearing up for a major event, or just living our lives, we have to be able to prioritize and manage our time. Keeping in touch with my friends and supporting them is important to me, so I’ve made sure that I still have time to do that. Being healthy is something I’ve committed to, so I find time to go to the gym at least twice a week, and make dinner the majority of evenings instead of eating out or ordering in. I still tweet and write on this blog on a regular basis, because I enjoy those things and they are an important part of my life. I may be doing them less, but I’m still doing them.

Time management is not about totally revamping your life (although it can be if that’s what you need). It’s about making adjustments and scaling things back until they’re manageable. Be honest with yourself about what’s important to you and find a way to fit it in. If you have to put a few things on the back burner for now, it doesn’t mean they won’t be back up front when things calm down. Take an assessment of the things on your plate. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know where to go from there.

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When I cook, I often find myself saying something is “good enough.”  The measurement is close enough, the garlic has browned enough, the pasta is cooked enough. I’m usually right, and my food turns out great. Good enough is enough. But, I’m starting to think that I’m settling for good enough in other parts of my life where it isn’t enough. I don’t like conflict, and I’ve never been one to rock the boat unnecessarily.  I appreciate the small stuff, and try to maintain perspective. Things could always be worse, I often tell myself, and they have been. But, that doesn’t mean they can’t be better, it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve better than good enough. Sure, it’s easier to decide that things are fine and not think about it on a deeper level. The surface requires no extra effort, no discomfort, but it also hides a lot. Not everyone is going to have a dream life, fulfilling job, true love, and great friendships, but we should all believe that we can have those things if we truly want them. I think I need to reevaluate the scale I use to measure things. Good enough may be enough in the kitchen, but I want more for the rest of my life.

Are you settling for good enough?