From the time I was a little girl, I loved to write. Writing allows you to tell the stories of people, places, things and events. Sometimes they’re real, and sometimes they are a tapestry woven from imagination. As I kid, playing pretend was one of my favorite games. It was so much fun to make up personalities and lives for stuffed animals and dolls…and myself and my friends too. When I got older, telling myself stories was how I fought off panic attacks. If I could just get my mind to focus on something else, I would be okay. During the seven summers I spent at overnight camp, I sent stories of my adventures in the mail to friends and family. These days, the brands I connect with are often the ones telling the best stories. Storytelling has always played a role in my life somehow, as I’m sure it has in yours.

Writing gives us the ability to record history and pass it on to future generations. Not only the facts of what happened and when, but how people felt about it and how they reacted. For me, and I know many others, writing is often an easier way to express my thoughts and feelings than saying them out loud. Writing helps us share ideas, hopes and dreams. I think sometimes we take for granted our ability to write, read and understand words. These are incredible powers that we are very lucky to have, and we owe it to those who don’t have these powers to use them wisely and be grateful for them.

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There’s this one non-profit that I support. Their cause is meaningful to me, and they do great work. I’m proud to be a supporter…but lately, I’m also kind of annoyed. In their effort to reach the most people and raise the most money, this particular organization (like I’m sure many others) has been sending a barrage of emails and mailings. My guess is that they’re using both mediums so frequently because they figure each one has a different audience. While that may be true, they also need to acknowledge the overlap. Cross-medium marketing is a great thing, when done right. The right arm and the left arm have to know what each other is doing at all times. Campaigns need to be integrated and timed appropriately. If they’re not, you risk oversaturating your supporters and potential donors. To be honest, I’ve gotten so overwhelmed with the volume of communication from this particular organization that my automatic reaction is to delete their emails and recycle their mailings. Not the reaction they were going for, I’m sure.

The same oversaturation can occur with content. Blogs and websites that publish too many times a day just clog up the Google Reader. How many of us have looked at the number of items in a particular feed and clicked “mark all as read”? I know I have. It’s great to have a lot of interesting content, but be careful not to throw it all at people too fast. Our brains can only handle so much.

When we’re asking people to do something for us, whether it be buying our product, hiring us for our services, donating to our cause, or reading our blog, the last thing we want to do is scare them off. Enthusiasm and passion are great fuel, but if you overdo it with the content proliferation, you risk losing some of your credibility and authenticity. So, beware!

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One of the most common pieces of personal finance advice is to stop giving away unnecessary money to Starbucks. How often have you read an article imploring you to think about how much money you could save if you stopped buying their overpriced coffee? Personally, I’ve lost count, and while this is valid advice, and I do agree that their coffee is ridiculously overpriced, it’s not the secret to a balanced checkbook.

I have a confession to make: I’m addicted to Coffee Light Frappuccinos.  Okay, maybe addicted is a little strong, but I really enjoy them, especially on hot summer days like today. In the warmer months, I buy them once, maybe twice a week, and usually one iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts. When it’s cold out, I’m down to once a week at Starbucks. Since I haven’t yet acquired a taste for “regular” coffee, my options become pretty limited. So yes, I spend money on coffee, but there are plenty of other things that I don’t spend money on. For example, I almost always bring my lunch. I have co-workers who buy their lunches every day, and in Manhattan, that gets really pricey. I also rarely go out for dinner or happy hour after work, opting instead to go to the gym and then go home and make dinner. These few things save me an incredible amount of money. 

My point is that it’s not just about Starbucks. It’s about making wise choices. If you love Frappuccinos, buy yourself a Frappuccino, but be mindful of the other financial choices you make throughout the day. Plan your week in advance and limit the number of meals you have out, happy hours you attend, and coffees you buy. Take advantage of specials, and deals from Foursquare, Living Social and Groupon. All of the little things can add up quickly, but that doesn’t mean you can never indulge. Just do so wisely, and your checkbook will be fine.

The past two times I’ve seen my friend Jackie, she’s told me I look skinner than before. I know she means it, because she’s not someone who just says things to make people feel better. The thing is, I have been going to the gym a lot. In fact, just last night I was awarded the “Gym Rat” badge on foursquare. Woo! Seriously though, thinking of myself positively is still something I’m working on. I don’t see myself in the mirror and think I look skinner; I notice improvement, but I also see more to be done. My perception of myself is different than Jackie’s perception of me.

Similarly, the way people act and the things they say can often be misconstrued. I’m a pretty silly person, and I like to tease people. I only do it to people I know well, and like a little kid on the playground, it’s really just an expression of how much I like them. To me, it’s just a joke to be taken lightly and rebuffed with a snide remark. But, I’ve learned that others don’t always take it that way. Part of me says, those who truly know me should know that I don’t mean anything by it. But, words can be perceived differently than intended, especially on a screen.

A voicemail, a joke, a status update, lack of response…all of these things are perceived differently by different people. Be careful with your words and your actions. Don’t try to be something you’re not, but just be conscious that some people see perception as reality.

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I’m one of those people who twitches at typos and grammar errors. Mehnaz and I often send each other websites or posts and challenge the other to find the mistake. This story on Sunday Morning made me jealous. So, here’s a little lesson on one of the most common mix-ups I see on Twitter and in the blogosphere:

They’re: This is a contraction. It is used when you could use two words, but are choosing to combine them for brevity’s sake. So, if the situation calls for they are, they’re is also acceptable. They’re can be used to describe action, location, state of mind, etc. For example: “They’re going for a swim in the pool.”

There: This is a noun most often referring to location. It can also become a contraction if you want to say there is, as in: “There’s a bear over there!”

Their: This one is possessive, expressing ownership. As in, “Their house was very nice, despite the bear in the backyard.”

It’s really very simple, and just requires a moment of thought before you click send or post. Soon enough, choosing which they’re/there/their to use will be second nature. Class dismissed

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how complex we are as people. A lot of the conflict and confusion that occur in life has something to do with not taking the time to understand others and where they’re coming from. We make assumptions and generalizations without really giving people the chance to prove us wrong. I know I’m guilty of this, and I’d be willing to bet that you are too. What do you think you know about me from reading this blog? Let me tell you a little more. I’ll be an example of the complexity of personalities, and hopefully you’ll learn something new.

I can yell at the TV during football games with the best of them, but I have an inner fashion commentary going in my head at all times. I’m kind and patient to a fault, but if you get in my way on the subway platform or the sidewalk when I’m in a hurry, watch out. Although I may seem quiet, play the right song, and I can get pretty loud. I love cupcakes and ice cream A LOT, but I also go to the gym three times a week. Pretty much every night, I have incredibly vivid, complicated dreams, but I often forget what I was going to do next or what I meant to say.  Put me in a new area of the City, and I get turned around, but I’ve memorized the exits and turns to get where I need to go. Songs on my iPod range from Backstreet Boys, to Lupe Fiasco, to Norwegian Recycling, to Maroon 5. I love to go out and dance, but I’m also perfectly content to lie in bed and read all night.

I’m a member of Gen Y, a writer, and a Reform Jew. I grew up south of Boston and moved to Long Island during high school. For the past few years, I’ve lived in New York City. But, not one of these categories or places or interests solely defines me. Before you pass judgment on someone, or react to something they’ve said or done, think about the many complex layers you may not know, and then get to know them better.

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I love to read. I could happily spend entire days engrossed in a good book. My favorite books are the ones that draw me in and make me feel a connection to the story. They’re the ones where I can envision the characters in my mind, and find myself invested in their future. Telling a good story is essential in business as well, not only with your product or content, but with the company itself. People like to know that you’re not just a big business, but living, breathing, caring people, just like them.

We all have different priorities and things we consider when it comes to who we work with and what brands we buy. But, I think it’s fair to say that we’re all interested in companies with good stories who do good in the world, have good reputations/customer service, and care about more than just the bottom line. We like to know that our opinions matter, and that they care what we have to say. It’s the same with people: we tend to seek out those who not only have good stories of their own, but are interested in hearing our stories too.

What story are you telling?

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I have this doctor I see once a month. She gives me my prescriptions, so I’m pretty much bound to see her that often. Her practice is on Long Island, but a couple nights a week, she sees patients in Manhattan. Because she’s only in the city those nights, she overbooks ridiculously. As if that wasn’t enough, she is pretty much always late. I can’t remember a time that I saw her less than an hour after my appointment time, and I’ve been going to her for a couple of years now. Despite that stellar record, I have not once gotten an apology for the amount of time I’ve had to wait. She also goes on vacation for a few weeks several times a year. When I called to reschedule my appointment for this Friday, I was told that’s the only day she’ll be in the office in between vacations. The next appointment isn’t until mid-July.

This is a horrible way to treat patients (or customers), and you’re probably wondering why I still go to her. The truth is that there is a bit of laziness involved. Finding this type of doctor who doesn’t just push pills and actually cares if they’re working takes a lot of time and effort. Instead, I plan easy dinners for appointment nights, and make sure my Kindle is fully charged. But, if I encountered this type of “customer service” (or lack thereof) in any other area of my life, I’d be out the door in a second.

Compare this experience to the ones I’ve had with my dentist. Not only do they always talk to the insurance company and convince them to cover as much as possible, but when my dentist left a Manhattan dental group to open his own practice in Brooklyn, I was offered a free cleaning if I was willing to make the schlep. It’s also great that he always does the cleanings himself, instead of pushing them off on a hygenist… and it doesn’t hurt that he’s really good looking too

There are lessons here, not just for the medical community, but for the business community as well.

• Value your customers’ time and money, and show them that you care.
• Give them face time and make sure they’re happy with your product and/or services, instead of just assuming they are.
• Be aware of what people are saying about you, good and bad, and learn from it.
• Realize that people will eventually go somewhere else if you don’t treat them well…even if they’ve put up with your BS for far too long already.
• Put yourself in their shoes: how would you like to wait an hour and a half for a 10 minute appointment? Or send several requests for help with a product without ever hearing back?

What is your experience with customer service, good and bad? If you’re treated poorly, will you go somewhere else?

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I just started reading Brene Brown‘s book The Gifts of Imperfection (on Molly‘s recommendation), and I can already tell that it’s going to be chock full of inspiration.

Brown writes about courage, compassion and connection: the gifts of imperfection. I’ve only started reading about the specifics of courage and compassion, but the messages are powerful. Brown talks about the origins of the word courage, far from its current heroic connotations. She says “ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line.” We do this is by reaching out for help when we need it, speaking up when we don’t know something or find ourselves lost, by admitting we’re not ready, and giving ourselves permission to be excited about something instead of pretending it doesn’t matter.

Although I may be shy at times, I know I am also strong. But, when it comes to ordinary courage, I have some work to do.  Reaching out for help is something I’ve always had trouble doing. On tough days, Brown explains the importance of having someone who you can call who will be the right kind of support for you, who, without passing judgment, will share their own stories and help you through yours. I’m not so sure that I have that someone. Not because I don’t have amazing friends, but because I’ve rarely asked.  I think it’s fairly well known that I will gladly be there for my friends, but there is little expectation for that to be reciprocated. When my mom was sick and in the hospital was the only time I can remember when I actually reached out and said ‘I need you to be there for me.’ As an admitted bottler of feelings, I’d much rather keep things inside than make them a burden on someone else. My use of the word burden there tells you something in and of itself.

But, Brown points out something that I’ve long known, but not fully realized: putting myself out there and having the courage to put myself first and commit to self-love will make me a better person, friend, and support to others. I’m sure there will be plenty more valuable lessons to come.

In what ways have you seen ordinary courage exemplified? Why do you think our definition of courage has changed?

In 138 days, I’m getting married!!! Commence excited squeals that turn into gasps of panic upon looking at to-do lists. But, this post is not about wedding details, it’s about a goal I plan to complete that day. On my wedding day, I want to look in the mirror and feel beautiful. Sounds easy, and a little bit shallow, but it is neither. For me, feeling truly beautiful is something that comes from the inside, as much, if not more, than the outside. Reaching that goal is part of a journey toward self-love that is much overdue.

It doesn’t matter how many people say something, and how many times they say it, if you don’t believe it. You may hear them, but you don’t really take it in. Whether it’s a compliment on your smile, or a vote of confidence in your business idea, it’s your opinion that matters most. You have to make the effort to believe in yourself.

I’m already working towards my goal, on the inside and the outside. A couple of weeks ago, I started weekly group sessions with Molly from Stratejoy. Molly is fantastic, and with her help, and the inspiration of the other amazing women on the call, I’m learning about the importance of self-love and how to have more of it in my life. I’ve been going to the gym on a regular basis, using whitening mouthwash, and I plan on only wearing strapless bathing suits this summer so I don’t have to worry about tan lines. It seems so silly, but I know myself, and I know these little things will make a difference. No matter how many people tell me they’re sure I’ll be a beautiful bride, I want to believe it. And, I want to wake up every day after that feeling beautiful too.

What do you do to remind yourself that you rock?