Sometimes we get so consumed with what we have to get done, that we forget the people around us. There’s a well-known quote about being kind to everyone you meet because you never know what battles they are fighting, and it’s also true on a smaller scale. For example, before you ream out a customer service representative, consider their feelings and the possibility that they had nothing to do with whatever snafu you’re complaining about. When you send in a form, write clearly and make sure your 6s don’t closely resemble 8s. The person reading your form on the other end will really appreciate it, and it will save them from contacting you to clarify. If your bus is stuck in traffic, don’t yell at the bus driver. That really won’t get you to work any faster, and it’s probably not their fault. Enjoy your successes and achievements, but be conscious of those in your life who may be experiencing hard times. Respect the time and effort of others. Remember that you are not an island.

Last week, my parents’ email accounts were suddenly suspended without warning. When they called their ISP to figure out the problem, they discovered that they were still on the same account. Because my dad is the primary account holder, he was able to get his email up and working again. However, the only way my mom could get hers back was to stay on the same account as my dad and have him reset her password. My parents explained to the customer service representatives that they are in the process of getting divorced, and would really prefer not to be on the same account anymore. They were told that in order for that to happen, my dad would have to delete my mom from his account, and she would have to create an entirely new account and email address. Despite their pleas and explanations of the circumstances, they were repeatedly told that this is the policy, and it’s how the company protects against identity theft.

Although I appreciate their efforts to protect the identities of their customers…I think their policy is complete bullshit, and should allow for exceptions to the rule. In the name of identity theft protection, you are forcing two people going through a very difficult time in their lives to stay bound together. Yes, there are ways to prevent that from happening, but creating a new email address is a pain in the butt, especially for someone like my mom who did not grow up immersed in technology like I did.  My dad asked one of the reps, theoretically, what would happen if he died and he and my mom were still on the same account?  The answer? My mom would have to call the company and provide proof that he was actually dead before they would delete his account. Seriously?! The truth is, these policies are heartless. I get that business is business, and sometimes you’re going to have to do something that people aren’t going to like. But, that doesn’t mean you can be totally insensitive to the life circumstances of your customers.

Oh, and did I mention that all of the emails my parents might have received during the time their accounts were unknowingly suspended have been forever deleted? Awesome.

Earlier this week, Susan and I were exchanging emails as we often do. I was struggling once again with my overflowing heart, and its attempts to overrule my mind. But, Susan made me realize that my big heart is a major part of who I am, and I should stop fighting it. So instead, I’m going to be proud of it.

My name is Sam, and I have a big heart. I care deeply about my friends and family, and invest my whole self into those relationships. When I see someone hurting, I can’t just ignore their pain. I am overwhelmed with the desire to be there for them, even if they have never been there for me when I needed them. I thoroughly enjoy hugs, and if I love you, I’ll let you know. I’m nice, but I’m not a pushover. Sure, my big heart sometimes gets me in trouble. There are people who don’t respect it, or me, and yeah, I get hurt. But, in my opinion, there is not enough love and happiness and gratitude in this world. If I can spread a little of that around, I’m doing a good thing. I like to smile at strangers, and I always wish everyone “good morning” and “good night,” and sincerely hope it’s good. If I wasn’t so shy, I would totally compliment people on the subway. I’ve been tempted a few times when I’ve seen particularly cute shoes or a fun dress…but I just haven’t gotten up the courage yet. When I watch funny movies and the people are humiliated or do embarrassing things, I have to close my eyes because I feel so bad for them. This can be an issue, because I also really love to laugh.

So, why am I telling you all this? We all have something that makes us unique. I truly believe different is good, and I realize that not everyone is going to care as much as I am. I know that sometimes my big heart is going to get broken; it already has. But, I also know that my heart is always going to be a part of me, and trying to change that will be a losing battle. My name is Sam, and I have a big heart. I care too much and give too freely, but that’s who I am, and I’m proud to be me.

On Sunday, I was walking home from the subway when I saw a little girl clinging tightly to her mother and crying hysterically. Her father stood awkwardly a few feet away, and I heard the mom say “it’s okay, go with daddy,” as she climbed back into her car.  I could hear the girl’s cries as I continued down the block, and I looked back when I reached the end to see her desperately hugging her mom again.

It’s obvious that what I witnessed was the parent to parent hand-off of a broken home. It was so sad to see because it’s always sad to see little girls crying, but also because I feel her pain. I was 23 years old when my parents split up, an adult, and I’ve struggled with whether it’s better or worse than being a kid when it happened. No matter your age, it sucks, and though we all deal with it differently, being a child of divorce is something that stays with you.  Every visit when I have to choose how to divide my time, when I worry about everyone getting along at my wedding in September, each time I go back and forth like a ping pong ball, whenever I see the pain and hurt and anger in my parents’ eyes, I’m screaming too…you just can’t hear it.

Plato said, “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” You may not hear their screams, you may not see their tears, they may be smiling on the outside, but that doesn’t mean they’re not hurting inside.

Glamour recently published the results of a study on the self confidence (or lack there of) of women. They asked over 300 women to count the number of negative body thoughts they had in a day. The average was 13 negative thoughts, and 97% of respondents admitted to having at least one such thought over the course of the day. Sadly, I’m not surprised by these results. It’s no secret that confidence is not one of my strong points, especially when it comes to my body and outward appearance. Ask me something I love about myself, and the answer will undoubtedly be a character trait, not a physical attribute.

One of my goals for 2011 was to love myself more, and I’m working on it. Something I’ve realized is that I spend way too much time comparing myself to others, and worrying about what others think of me. First and foremost, I have to get to a place where I love me, where I can look in the mirror and have a positive thought be the first thing that comes to mind, then maybe I’ll consider other people.

Here’s what I don’t understand about my “methodology,” so to speak: the things I dislike about myself on the outside are often the things that make me different. I totally embrace what makes me different on the inside, and I love meeting new people and learning about their different experiences, upbringing, beliefs, and outlook on life. Not to get religious on you, but although we are all made from a similar mould, each of us is also unique in our own special ways. There’s a reason for this, and it’s time we embrace it.

When I read the Operation Beautiful book last year, one of the featured notes really stayed with me. It said: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Be the beholder. I’m curvy. I have a dent-like chicken pox scar in the middle of my eyebrows, and two beauty marks below my left hip. My knees point in a little, and my feet are kind of flat…but all of these things make me who I am, and they’re beautiful.

What makes you beautiful (or handsome) and unique?

Did you ever think about how many people you come into contact with every day? It’s amazing, really! From the guy you stand next to on the subway, to the barista at your local coffee shop, to the co-worker you eat lunch with every afternoon…I could go on and on. There are so many people who we cross paths with on a daily basis and we don’t even realize it.

So, I challenge you: Sometime this week, try and be more observant as you go through your day.  Remember that small acts of kindness can go a long way. Smile at someone you pass on the street. Say thank you to the bus driver or parking attendant. Tell the person in the elevator with you that you hope they have a nice day. Ask your co-worker how their day’s going before you automatically start venting about yours. Throw your garbage out yourself instead of waiting for the bus boy to do it.

The things we say and do impact the people around us, even strangers. In fact, it’s the small unexpected things we do for people we don’t know that can mean the most. It’s like those insurance commercials you see how easily one act of kindness leads to another and another. It’s easy to hurry through our busy days without any regard for the people around us. But, it doesn’t take much time or effort to smile or say thanks, so why not brighten someone’s day?

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I’m a nice girl. I care deeply about people, and it takes a lot to get on my bad side, because it’s much smaller than my good side. I give second, and sometimes third, chances. I believe in people, but I am not a pushover. I choose to be positive, loving, and giving. It makes me sad to see people treating each other like shit, and getting mad over stupid things. When people are rude and unkind for no reason, I can only shake my head in disbelief. When they judge others without giving them a chance, and intentionally exclude them, I have to hope that they don’t realize the impact of their actions.

I’m also someone who has learned from my life experiences. The trials and tribulations I have faced in my 24 years have made me a stronger, wiser person. They have given me an invaluable sense of perspective that has made me appreciate everything and everyone so much more. I am truly grateful for every day. I know not everyone is so open to change, or mature enough to make the most of it. But, I can’t believe that people can emerge from a challenging situation completely unchanged.

See, we have this one life, and it’s pretty amazing. So, be nice. Think about the impact of your actions. Respect people, even if you don’t agree with them. Do something selfless every day, and find joy in making other people smile. Stop assuming the worst will happen. Have faith in yourself and others. Find the silver lining in even the darkest clouds, and learn from everything you go through.  Refuse to believe the old saying that nice girls (and boys) finish last. Even better, prove it wrong!

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Hearing and listening are two totally different things.  We hear a lot of things, but rarely do we actually listen to the sounds or the words. You can play a song on your iPod and tune out everything but the beat. It’s easy to hear what someone has to say and only listen to the parts that concern you. Far too often, people ask “how are you?” without waiting to hear the answer.  They ask out of courtesy and habit, not because they really want to know.

Have you ever noticed how much people apologize after they vent about something? Of course, we don’t want to unload our baggage on others, be a downer, or burden people with our troubles. I’ll admit, I’m not much a feelings sharer.  But, I’m learning to switch roles every once and a while and let someone else be the listener. After all, that’s what friends are for, and  I’ve always worked very hard to be a supportive friend. I’m proud that people feel comfortable talking to me and confiding in me. My friends know they can trust me and they know I will always listen to them. Whether it’s online, over the phone, or in person, I’m there for them.

So, here’s the bottom line: Don’t just hear what someone has to say, truly listen. Make people feel comfortable with you and encourage them to talk to you about their problems. When someone is venting to you, don’t interrupt or change the subject to something about yourself. Listening requires moments of selflessness. So, put others first, but don’t forget to put yourself first sometimes too.

If anyone needs to vent, just let me know. And, thanks to those who have been there for me.

Simple acts of selfless kindness are often the most powerful. Yesterday, as I was standing on the subway, a kind, smartly dressed man tapped me on the shoulder.  He had noticed that I was carrying a heavy bag of groceries and insisted that I take his seat.  Surprised, I said thank you and sat down.  Although I would have been fine standing the rest of the way, it was nice to set the heavy bag on the floor.

It was probably nothing to him. In fact, I’m sure he’s already forgotten all about it. But, I remember his simple act of selfless kindness, and it makes me smile. There’s something else…a few stops later, the kind, smartly dressed man got off at Wall St.

I’m a pretty nice person. Modest, too! Seriously though, being nice is something I pride myself on. I like to do things for other people, because seeing them happy makes me happy. I send cards and give presents, I draw attention to the achievements of my loved ones when they’re too shy to do it themselves. I usually have to change the channel if I’m watching something where the main character keeps getting made fun of or embarrassed.  I give compliments often, recognize those who inspire me, say thank you, and make sure the people in my life know that they are important to me. Frequent topics on this blog include friendship, appreciation, kindness, and overcoming obstacles.  I try my best to be open and honest, and I have shared some pretty personal stories because I believe others can learn from my experiences. 

People have told me that I’m too nice sometimes, and they’re probably right. But, let me make one thing clear, I am not a pushover. I don’t see the world with rose-colored glasses, and honestly, I’m not always nice. I do nice things because there is so much going on in our world that isn’t nice. Watching the evening news has become so depressing, and it’s easy to lose faith in humanity. People deserve to have some happiness in their lives, especially when they’re doing great things and making a difference. 

You may be thinking, “Wow, what a sap! People must walk all over her.”  But, you’re wrong. Yes, I admit, I’m probably too nice sometimes. I put a lot into my relationships with people, and it’s rare that my effort is fully reciprocated. I make a big deal of birthdays, but sometimes my own special day passes by with only a few phone calls from friends. I’m there for people, I listen, I give pep talks, and do my best to be supportive when someone is down. Sometimes people do the same for me, sometimes they don’t.  

Here’s the thing, I do all of these things because I want to. I do it without wanting anything in return, and without expecting it. Maybe this is weak or stupid, but I believe in the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. There are too many selfish assholes in the world. And, my niceness is not without limits. There have been people who have totally taken my friendship for granted, and they are not in my life anymore. It’s one thing to never send me a birthday card or thank me for the ones I send you, but it’s quite another to tell lies about me to cover your own butt.

I’m sure there are people who visit my blog once and never come back because they think it’s too hokey, too fluffy, too nice.  That’s okay, I’m not looking to please everybody. What matters most is that this blog represents me, and the person that I am, and that I’m able to bring something to the blogosphere that people get value from reading.  I believe that this blog does represent me, but it’s certainly not all that I am.  If you want to know more, I’m always open to chat. As for bringing value to my readers, I really hope that I am, but I can’t speak for you. So please, speak to me:  

Have I written at least one thing on this blog that spoke to you? Are there things I write about too much? What about things I haven’t written about enough or at all? What makes you keep coming back to this blog, or others for that matter? Is there anything I can do to improve? (Honesty is always welcome and expected, but please be nice (fitting, I know))

I write because I love it, but the reason I write here is so I can reach people like you. Thank you for reading, I truly appreciate it!