You know what’s weird? This is my 10th to last day being Samantha Karol. Yep, on September 18th, I will be getting married (!!!!!) and changing my name. The decision to make the change was an easy one for me. I want to have the same name as my husband and my future children. It’s that simple. (An added bonus is no longer being addressed as Karol like it’s my first name).

I know a lot of people choose not to change their names for various reasons. Some feminists feel it’s taking a step backward, but I don’t see it that way. The thing is that it’s just my name that’s changing, not who I am at my core. Yes, being married will be different, and my life will certainly change, but I will still be me. I will still love writing, hippos, football and ice cream, I’ll just do these things with a different name on my driver’s license and passport, and a million other places. My family will still be important to me, even though I won’t share their name anymore. I am more than my name. One thing does not define me.

I believe that our identities are like a puzzle, each facet of our lives contributing pieces, all of the important things and people playing a part. Whether you change your name, or your career, come out of the closet, or file for divorce, gain weight or lose it, these things alone will not define you. We humans are complicated beings; that’s what makes us so damn interesting. Don’t ever let anyone pigeonhole you or put you into a category because they feel you “belong there.” Write your own story.

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I’ll admit, I’m definitely a creature of habit. I walk the same blocks to the subway every morning, and pretty much always the same ones home at the end of the day. It took me a good five months of being at my job before I tried taking the bus. Even though it’s a shorter walk, I’m so used to the subway that I go there on autopilot. I’m a habitual creature when it comes to other things too. I love to cook, but it takes serious effort (and lots of recipe searching) to expand my recipe arsenal. There are a ton of amazing bloggers out there, but honestly, my Google Reader hasn’t changed much. With a few exceptions, I read the same blogs I read last year.

So, I’ve been thinking…why are we such creatures of habit? Sometimes it’s pure laziness. We may not have the time or desire to do something different. Change is difficult and requires effort and learning. Fear is also a factor. We fear the unknown and we fear failure. Our brains do some level of subconscious risk analysis. Is it worth taking a new route/finding a new recipe/changing your hair color when you know the tried and true original already works just fine?

I did a little poll on Twitter, and most people said that they are creatures of habit like me. Comfort and familiarity were common reasons given for sticking with the same routines. Tatiana mentioned that she is aware of about 80% of her habits and needs to fix them. But, here’s the thing. I don’t think we necessarily need to fix our habits. Being a creature of habit is not a bad thing. However, we do need to be aware of our habits and be able to distinguish between those that are harmless and those that may be harmful.

It really doesn’t matter which way I walk to the subway, although it’s nice to have a change of scenery every once in a while. But, if you go for a drink at the bar every night, or make weekly trips to the tanning salon out of habit, not because you consciously want to, you should probably think about why you’re doing it and if you even enjoy it anymore. There are definitely many productive habits that you can make part of your routine.  (Going to the gym out of habit, without even having to think about it, is a great example.) Just don’t get so stuck and comfortable that you never expand your world.

Tell me about your habits. How do you stay aware of the harmful vs. harmless habits and routines in your life?

The Boy Scout Motto of “be prepared” generally applies to having items like matches and water filters on hand in case of an emergency, but it’s actually good advice for the emotional side of life as well. Whether it’s discovering that your five-year old has redecorated his matte-finish bedroom walls using bright orange finger paint or meeting the pain of a loved one’s death head on, being emotionally prepared can take some of the stress and sting out of life. However, despite how simple it sounds, being prepared for whatever life throws at you can be challenging. To live in a state of perpetual readiness requires a unique skill set and life outlook, but it is one that can be cultivated so that life, whether it tosses you a life-altering accident or a day-changing childcare snafu, can be coped with on your terms.

Stress and Perpetual Readiness

For the purposes of this discussion, stress will be used to refer to those factors that emotionally disrupt daily life. As the American Institute of Stress points out, there is no definitive definition of the term. However, for the sake of simplicity, stress can here be used to describe those responses, both physical (such as sweaty palms and racing heart) and emotional (such as the urge to scream or cry), that characterize how humans behave in a given problematic situation before coping mechanisms begin to work. The goal of perpetual readiness is not, then, to eliminate stress, but to eliminate the lag time between the initial stress and the coping mechanism. Essentially, individuals who live prepared are able to move rapidly from encountering the initial problem to identifying meaningful solutions to the problem.

Triggers

Luckily, you don’t need a psychology degree to learn how to cope with your stress. In fact, identifying your triggers, those events that are most likely to create stress in your life, is the first step in learning to deal with it. True, it is impossible to anticipate every stressful event. Accidents, serious illnesses and financial hardships often cannot be anticipated, but many other stressors can. For example, if you are the parent of a three year-old, you can anticipate many of the stressors related to parenting. Similarly, if you work for a demanding boss, you can anticipate the strain that will be put on you during the course of a workday.

In “Life Happens, but what About the Stress it Generates?”, Dr. Connie Shapiro explores how important it is to identify your stressors. Identifying the source of the stress, be it preemptively or at onset, goes a long way to overcoming that stress before it can get the best of you.

Most stressors will be easy to identify, but when it is difficult to identify what has caused your feelings of unease, anger or helplessness, it’s often best to take a step back and consider when your feelings of stress began. Oftentimes, by doing this, you can identify the root cause of the stress. Paula Davis-Laack, a resilience coach, discusses just how important this can be in “Seven Easy Resilience Strategies for Busy, Complicated Lives” and details an easy-to-follow system for discovering what triggered your stress response.

While identifying triggers may not seem like the best way to reach a state of perpetual readiness, it is essential. Anticipating problems and proactively solving them when they occur teaches you how to resolve them quickly. Just as an athlete must train daily to achieve his or her full potential, so too must you practice overcoming stress everyday if you wish to reach your full “preparedness potential.”

Meditation

An art that has been practiced for thousands of years, the basic premise of meditation is one of “presence” and enlightenment. That’s not as strange as you might think. While hard science doesn’t’ have much to say on the subject of spiritual enlightenment, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that meditation not only helps you to cope with current stress but that, when practiced over time, it teaches the body new ways to react to stress so that it doesn’t seem overwhelming.

In their guide to meditation, the Mayo Clinic discusses a number of the benefits of meditative practice. Beyond simply helping you to control current stress levels, it helps you to cope better with stressors as they are introduced. In fact, an article in USA Today details how meditation helps individuals to act more rationally when faced with a difficult decision. Essentially, meditation helps to take emotions out of the decision-making equation. It doesn’t mean the individuals who regularly practice meditation will be automatons, but they will be better equipped to react in a calm, rational manner rather than letting their emotions get the upper hand.

Be Realistic

However being able to cope with stress doesn’t mean that you’ll never be rattled by it. Nor does it mean that you won’t, occasionally, overreact. Bouts of tears, anger or other emotions will still occur. Being prepared to deal with stressful situations simply means that they’ll occur less frequently. It’s normal to grieve if a loved one dies. It’s normal to be angry if your five year-old paints the walls with orange finger paint. What you can change is how you respond to these emotions.

Instead of screaming at your child for his painting, take a step back from the situation and think about how you’ll respond before you start to speak. Don’t look at the walls as orange and messy. Look at them as a learning opportunity—for you and your child. The BBC Health article “Coping Skills” by James Tighe details exactly how important realistic expectations are in learning to cope with life’s stressors. Far from simply teaching you not to berate yourself when you don’t cope as well as you would like, maintaining realistic expectations teaches you to look at how you coped after a situation, find how you could improve and learn from it. That way, the next time a similar stressor comes around, you’ll be that much more prepared for it.

Bio: Allison Gamble has been a curious student of psychology since high school. She brings her understanding of the mind to work in the weird world of internet marketing.

Often in life, we are presented with two paths, two choices. One is the easy route, painless and safe. The other is much more difficult to traverse, and it usually hurts deeply at one point or another. I’ll be honest, I tend to choose the easier path. I’m not one who likes to create conflict or hurt people’s feelings. I would rather not rock the boat too much, and I’m often influenced by the line of thinking that says “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”

But, there are times in life when this way of thinking just won’t work. Sometimes choosing the difficult path means putting yourself first, being selfish even.  Maybe you shouldn’t wait to pursue your passions. If you’re not happy, maybe you have to speak up. Other people may be hurt, relationships severed. But, if we go our whole lives on the prescribed path without taking a leap of faith, what kind of life are we living? Maybe you’re happy with that path…and maybe you’re not.

This is something I’ve been struggling with lately…wondering whether I’m okay with being content in some areas in my life, or if that’s just not enough. I know that big life changes inevitably rock the boat, and force us into uncomfortable situations. There’s usually some short term pain in exchange for long term gain. Something I truly believe is that life is too short to be anything but happy. Does that mean life is too short to play it safe?

When have you taken a leap of faith in your career, relationships, or other parts of your life? Was it worth it?

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I’m never going to be able to fully commit to the minimalist way of life. The truth is I like stuff. I love taking photos, and saving mementos from special events and milestones. It’s fun to look back and relive the memories that those things represent. But, even though I’ll never totally get rid of all my sentimental items, I’m learning that I can cut back without losing the memories.

As you may know, my mom is moving at the end of this month. If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed that I’ve spent every weekend out there for the past couple of weeks. Saying there’s a lot to sort through and pack would be an understatement. As I’ve been going through things, I discovered that I obviously got my penchant for saving stuff from my mom. She kept pretty much everything I have ever written, drawn, or otherwise created, in addition to grade reports, recognition certificates, and photos. Over the past couple of weekends, I’ve flipped through hundreds of pages, reliving my childhood year by year. It was great to be able to show my fiancé the things I did before we knew each other. Every so often, I would find a story I’d written when I was little, and every time I read them to Rob and my mom, we would all end up laughing hysterically. (Example title: A Day in the Life of Paula Abdul’s High Heel Shoe)

Reliving memories was the fun part of the process. Less enjoyable was deciding what to keep and what to throw out. Some of the things I discovered remind me of a time in my life that I don’t remember all that well. Many of them show how far I’ve come and how much I’ve accomplished. But, I realized something very important: I don’t need pieces of paper to make me proud of the person I am today. I definitely don’t need as many pieces of paper as I had. So, I put a small number of things aside, knowing I would appreciate them in the future when I have a family of my own. The rest, I recorded in my memory and tossed the physical copies away.

Moving out of this house represents a very important transition for my family. In a way, it will be a fresh start for all of us. So, it was appropriate that I got rid of the unnecessary, and kept only a few reminders of the past. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of happy memories in the past, but there are even more to come in the future.

Dear Fellow 20-somethings, here’s a piece of advice: move. No, no, I’m not telling you to get out of my way…I can’t even see you, sillies. I’m suggesting that, at least once in this wonderful time of kidless freedom, you pack up all of your stuff and relocate. There are a number of ways to do this, from the least extreme to the most, but even if your move is on the less dramatic end of the spectrum, it will still make a big impact on your life.

It’s funny, 16-year-old me would read this post and her jaw would drop to the ground. That’s because my parents and I moved states when I was that age and it was not easy. But, what I’m talking about here is not a teenage decision, it’s a young adult decision, and looking back, even that difficult move definitely helped me grow as a person. That’s why I’m telling you to move. Whether you move from Brooklyn to Manhattan, as I did this year, from suburbs to city, from parents’ home to your own home, or halfway across the country, as some of my friends have, moving definitely expands your horizons. The world is an awesome place, no two locations are exactly alike. Here we are in our 20s, some of us married or on our way, most of us without children. If the opportunity presents itself to move to a new home, and you can handle it financially, by all means do it! You may never have the chance again.

In addition to the wonder and excitement of new surroundings, the actual process of moving is a formative experience in and of itself. It’s stressful and overwhelming and scary all at once, and although we probably don’t realize it at the time, surviving that combination is a sign of true strength and character. If you can handle moving, you’ll be prepared for any professional crisis that comes your way. Sure, you may have freaked out and found yourself sobbing amongst piles of boxes, but you made it through. That’s got to count for something.

The other thing about being in a new place is that it gives us the opportunity for a fresh start. It’s our chance to totally rock life and live the way we’ve always wanted to live. Be more outgoing, have more fun, learn a new hobby, challenge yourself to meet new people, recreate yourself…nobody knows you, so they won’t know the difference. And, take advantage of what your new zip code has to offer. Pretend you’re a tourist and see all the sights, big and small. You might just find that you like it better than the place you came from.

I try to remind myself that life is too short to be anything but happy. Sure, some things are beyond our control. But, if you’re not happy where you are, doing what you’re doing, maybe it’s time to relocate.

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Last weekend, I went to temple with my fiancé and his parents to observe Yom Kippur. For those who don’t know, Yom Kippur is the Day of Repentance, a chance to repent for your sins in the past year, ask forgiveness, and start over with a clean slate. Along with Rosh Hashanah, which is the Jewish New Year, Yom Kippur is one of the most important holidays in Judaism. In fact, together they are known as the High Holidays.  Even the people who never make it to temple during the rest of the year seem to magically appear during the High Holidays. They are the most highly attended services, often forcing congregations to rent bigger spaces in order to accommodate everyone.

But, this post isn’t a lesson about Jewish holidays.  It’s about tradition. Another thing about the High Holidays is that their observance is very traditional. The language used in the prayer book and the concepts that are central to their observance have been around for quite a while. Of course, every congregation does some things differently, but if there’s any time you can go into any temple and have a general idea of what’s going on, it’s the High Holidays. The music of these holidays has its own tune and melody, called a nusach, and the majority of the chanted prayers and songs sound similar. At least, that’s usually how it’s done. This year, my fiancé’s cantor (person who leads the singing) decided to change things up. She added in some original songs of her own, and used a few newer melodies, instead of the ones we expected.

While the new songs were certainly nice to listen to, we couldn’t sing along, and it kind of felt like they contradicted the traditional vibe of the rest of the services.  My fiancé and his dad really didn’t like the changes that were made, and it affected their overall experience. It got me thinking about innovation in the business world. If a company is known for a specific product or way of doing things, are they bound to continue down that path for their entire existence? How do they make changes without freaking out their loyal (but change-phobic) followers? Is it all about timing? Her new songs would have been much more welcome on a regular Friday night.

What do you think? Should brands let tradition affect their decision-making? Should they consider how change may affect overall experience?  Are there certain things that should always be present in some way?

*Watch this video if you don’t know where the title of this post comes from.

Things in my life have been up in the air quite often over the past few years. It’s a weird feeling, a combination of excitement and fear, probably much like the feeling one gets before jumping out of a plane or off of a cliff.  Up in the air happens when a change is made. It’s the period of transition before things settle back into place.  It is a moment when you picture your life in a freeze frame, and you’re looking up toward the sky, waiting to see how things fall.  Chances are we don’t know exactly how they’re going to end up once they come to rest. In most cases, we don’t even have control over all of the factors that affect change.  It’s that lack of control that causes both the excitement and the fear.

The way I see it, there are two ways to look at any ‘up in the air’ time in your life. You can take a deep breath and jump. Trust in fate, or a Higher Power, or whatever, and just see what happens. Take things as they come, even if they don’t end up the way you wanted. The other choice, is to worry your ass off.  Keep your eyes affixed to the sky, and watch in fear as things begin to fall. Then, freak out if something goes the wrong way. These are obviously the two extremes, and there are of course multitudnous other possible reactions.  But, they’re usually a hybrid of the two.

Having things ‘up in the air’ is one of those situations where the anticipation usually ends up being worse than the reality.  But, I”ll be honest, some of my ‘up in the air’ situations have not ended that well. The outcomes haven’t always been the happiest. But here’s what you have to remember, when things finally fall, that’s where they’re going to be until the next up in the air moment, so you might as well make the most of the situation. Find the silver lining in the cloud, make something good out of a bad situation. Don’t sit and stew and wish things were different. That won’t get you anywhere. As scary as it can be dangling in mid-air, it can also be exhilarating.  So, take it all in.

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Happy New Year from Life’s Chocolates! I’m starting 2010 with a new attitude. What are your plans for making the new year the best it can be?

This past Sunday, I took part in the Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk. For those who don’t know, my grandma suffered from dementia for several years before she passed away in the summer of 2008. Participating in the walk and raising money for the Alzheimer’s Association is my way of being the change.

Since this was my third walk in as many years, I was already well versed in the process of fundraising that takes place in the months leading up to the event. But, I did some things differently this year, and as a result, I was able to raise more than $1,000. I cannot even express in words how proud and excited I am to be able to make such a substantial contribution. To those of you who supported me, thank you so much! Last year, I surpassed my goal of $500, and I thought that was pretty awesome. So, how did I double my fundraising efforts this year?  Here are some tips for raising money offline and online:

1.  Don’t be shy! Yes, it can be difficult and uncomfortable to ask people for money, but it’s not like you’re asking your parents for a raise in your allowance. You’re asking someone to contribute to a worthy cause, a cause that is obviously important to you. The worst that can happen is they’ll say no.

2. Use e-mail to communicate with potential supporters. See if the event site has pre-written fundraising e-mails or send your own. Provide the basic information about the event, your connection to it, and simple instructions for how to donate. This is the easiest method of mass communication.

3. Be persistent! People are busy and need reminding. You’re not being annoying if you email them more than once. In fact, you’re probably being helpful!

4.  Make your online fundraising page your own. Upload a personal picture if you can, and edit the stock description to add a personal touch. Putting a little effort into customization will go a long way.

5. Take advantage of your networks. At work: Ask the people you’re closest with to contribute. You’d be surprised how generous people will be if you just ask. Family: They’re related to you, and chances are they’ll take the opportunity to support you. Online: Blog, tweet, update your Facebook status, reach out to your communities. Social networks are perfect fundraising tools because of the ability to reach hundreds and thousands of people at once. Friends: See #6.

6. Stress that no amount is too small, because it really isn’t! Many Gen Yers are living on pretty small budgets, so when you reach out to your friends, remind them that a little goes a long way. If ten people give $5, that’s $50 right there. More than $200 of my total was made up of donations of $25 or less.

7. Say thank you. It sounds simple, but make sure you send some sort of quick note thanking each person who contributes. Do this within a day afterwards because it’s polite…and you won’t have to worry about remembering.

8. Show your supporters what they supported. Take a picture of yourself at the event, and send it in an email with a recap of how everything went. People will appreciate having a visual, and you’ll have another opportunity to thank them.

I’m sure there’s more I could say on this subject, and I’d be happy to talk more specifically with anyone who is interested. The most important thing is to believe in what you’re doing and let your passion drive you. Helping others will not only makes them feel good, it’ll make you feel pretty darn good too.