Dear Gawa,

When Mom and I got to Cleveland on Friday, we went to the cemetery to visit you. Even though it’s been a few years, it was still strange to walk across the damp grass, counting the headstones until we got to yours. Mom teared up, and I did too. We miss you every day, but especially this year. I’m not quite sure what I believe about the afterlife, but I know that what is under the ground below that headstone is not you, even though it bears your name. The real you, the Gawa I knew most of my life, before that horrible disease began taking you away from us, memory by memory, is somewhere watching over us. You would have been so proud of Jason as he sped through the English and read confidently from the Torah last weekend. As I sat there glowing with pride, I could almost see you smiling too. I wish we could have laughed together, pointing out interesting outfits and making silly  jokes. You would be proud of how (almost) everyone is behaving these days. It’s like they’ve finally realized how lucky they are to have each other. I hope it stays this way.

The hardest part of the weekend, when I felt your absence the most, was when we went to your house…just Pa’s house now. I wandered away from the crowd to an empty room, studying pictures of you and me, touching your necklaces that still hang on the wall. The house isn’t the same without you, neither is Cleveland, neither is my life. I want you to know that we miss you, on happy occasions and sad ones. No matter who may be brought into our lives, you will never be replaced, and we will never, ever forget you. I wish I had given you more hugs, called more often, came to visit an extra time. I wish you had recognized me the last time I saw you. But, what matters most is that wherever you are, my beautiful, loving, thoughtful, creative, funny Gawa, I love you, and I always will.

Love,
Samantha

A little more than a week later, I’ve finally gotten back to the point of normal person exhaustion. So, if you’ve been wondering how the big day went, let me tell you this: The entire weekend was amazing. It was full of love and happiness, smiles, laughter, tears, pride and joy. Any worry I had about people remembering why they were there and behaving, quickly disappeared, as love and happiness took hold of everyone the moment they arrived. Everything did not go as planned; we had a few snafus, but it all worked out beautifully in the end. The joy that permeated every event of the wedding weekend was palpable. All of the people who love us most were in one place to celebrate with us. No one had to worry about inhibitions or judgment or drama, and it was absolutely freeing.

Something that was obvious the entire weekend was that the people I care about most embrace and love my silliness and imagination. One of the things that is unique about me is my inner child. She is alive and well, and ready to play. I believe very strongly in the importance of keeping our imaginations going in our adult lives, and taking time out to be silly and have fun. Some people might find this perspective (and related habits) a little weird…but, I honestly don’t care. In my opinion, completely serious lives are boring, and days without laughter are incomplete.

When my parents each gave their toasts/roasts at our rehearsal dinner, my inner child played a major part. My mom surprised me (and everyone) by opening her purse and taking out my childhood doll, who just couldn’t miss being a part of this important event in my life. My dad gave me several Elmo-themed gifts, including one that blows kisses, and another that does the YMCA (so fun!). Our stuffed hippo, who was Rob’s first gift to me when we had just started dating, sat on the hotel bed (wearing a $5 purple bow tie) as photos were taken of me and my bridesmaids. He even posed for a couple of pics with me (see below) and my bouquet. Later that night, he attended the after party in the hotel lobby, and we passed him around among our friends, who already know him well.

These are some of the ways I manifest my inner child, and keep my smile bright, but there are so many other ways too. A few days ago, I was talking to Mikinzie about adorable and funny posters. She was looking at some that featured baby animals, and was tempted to buy one just for the “insta-smile” it would bring every day. I told her to go for it! We need little things like this to remind us not to take life too seriously. We need to kick off our shoes and dance around like crazy people, sing along to the words on the radio without caring how out of tune we may be, cry tears of joy as we celebrate love and happiness with the people that mean the most to us, and remember what’s truly important in life. Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and congratulations! I’m so excited to start this new chapter of my life!

#reverb10 Day 14–Prompt: Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

This prompt is SO me! For those who aren’t regular readers of this blog, I am a huge proponent of appreciation and gratitude. I even started a guest post series (and movement) to make appreciation a part of every day life. It’s called the Appreciation Revolution, and you can check it out here. I’ve always been someone who says thank you, but I don’t always take the time to specifically thank people and let them know how grateful I am to have them in my life. It took a friend’s unexpected death to make me realize that I was not appreciating people enough. That’s why I started the Revolution, and that’s why (in a nutshell) appreciation is so important to me.

I’ve also dealt with some difficult family situations over the past few years that have really affected my perspective on life. At certain times, life may suck. We may feel like nothing is going our way and it couldn’t possibly get any worse…but even at those times, we still have plenty for which to be thankful. If nothing else, we should be grateful for every day we wake up to face the world. So, I guess if I had to pick one thing that I appreciate this year, it would be life itself. That sounds general and abstract, but I’ve seen how precious life can be. Sure, I’m grateful for my fiance, my parents, my friends, my job…but I would have none of those if I didn’t have life.

Since Max passed away, I’ve tried to make the most of every day. Sometimes, I do a better job of that than others. But, I try. And when I get frustrated with something, whether it’s trivial or monumental, I take a deep breath and remind myself of all the reasons I have to be grateful.

On Sunday, my parents are throwing us an engagement party on Long Island. There are over 50 people coming, and I know it’s going to be a great time. I’m excited to see friends from almost every different part of our lives, and to finally introduce people who have heard a lot about each other, but somehow never met. There will even be a contingent of family friends from the town where I grew up in Massachusetts, and I’m so touched that they’re all making the trek. This party will be a welcome celebration, the first we’ve had in far too long.

Sunday is also August 15th, which means it will mark the two year anniversary of the day my friend Max passed away. I remember exactly where I was when my dad called to give me the news. I was in Cleveland, Ohio with my mom, going through my grandma’s things. She had passed away only a month before. Max and I weren’t best friends. We didn’t see each other every day, and we hadn’t known each other since elementary school. We were only friends for about seven years, but in those years he came to mean a lot to me.  I only wish I had told him more often, because I can’t remember the last time I did. Max was the inspiration behind the Appreciation Revolution, and every day I try to honor his memory by appreciating the people and things I am lucky enough to have in my life.

It’s fitting and ironic, happy and sad, that this party falls on the anniversary of Max’s death. If he were still around, chances are that he would have been there to share in our joy. So, I’m going to have a great time on Sunday with friends and family, celebrating the incredible happiness that Rob has brought into my life. I’ll be thinking about Max too, as I do most days, and how I wish he was here.  But, I know he would remind me (in the words of one of the most beautiful songs about losing a friend) ”Don’t cry….Keep a picture of me in your mind. You’ve got so many reasons to smile.”

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1. Stop worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future, and enjoy today.
2. Appreciate the people, things, and opportunities you have in your life.
3. “Be kinder than necessary, because everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle.”
4. Ask yourself, what do I want today? And go after it!
5. Do something just for you. Put yourself first!
6. Try your hardest at everything you do. Even when things don’t work out, you’ll know you gave it your all.
7. Focus on the positive.
8. Say thank you as often as you can.
9. Do something nice for someone else for no reason at all.
10. Tell people how much they mean to you. Don’t wait.

How do you make the most of every day?

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You’ve probably heard the old African proverb,

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

Well, I am living proof that it’s true.  In my case, it wasn’t a village, but a community, that helped raise me. I grew up in Hingham, Massachusetts, as the only child of the local Reform Rabbi.  The members of our congregation literally watched me grow up, and they became like a big extended family. I spent a lot of time at temple, more than my friends, but I didn’t mind.  Early on, I learned how to talk to adults. I was always comfortable at temple, and I never worried about not having someone to sit with at services, even if that someone was old enough to be my mom.

As someone with a small family, I loved having all of these people who knew me and truly cared about me. When I became a Bat Mitzvah at the age of 13, I invited the entire congregation, and a lot of them came to the service. There was a collective sense of pride that was palpable.  People were always happy to see me around, and excited to hear about my achievements.

The summer before my junior year of high school, we moved to Long Island. It was incredibly difficult to leave everything and everyone I had ever known, including my temple community. The first few times I went to services at our new temple, I felt totally out of place. I didn’t know anyone, and they didn’t know me…except they did know about me.  Almost eight years later, I still don’t know everyone, but I did find my place in our new community eventually. I made friends, joined the youth group, and tutored Hebrew. Although, I rarely go to services by myself (it’s just not the same), I do feel like this community has also contributed to the person I am today.  They’ve been there for me and my family through some pretty tough times, and for that I will always be grateful.

People often ask me what it’s like to be the Rabbi’s daughter. They want to know if it made growing up any different. I think it is what you make of it. Some people drag their heels and resent their parent for making them be so Jewish…you don’t even have to have a Rabbi in the family to feel that way. Others, like me, embrace it.  It’s pretty amazing to have so many people who care about you, and want the best for you. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. In fact, before I started writing this post, I sent a couple of e-mails to people who have known me my whole life, letting them know that Rob and I are engaged. I can’t wait until the news gets around the congregation because I know they will all be so happy for me. That is the beauty of community.

I’ve been talking to some new friends lately about the things that have been going on in my life over the past couple of years. When I tell them about my mom being sick, and being stuck in the middle of stuff with my parents, they’re always amazed that I’m not depressed or bitter or crazy…or all of the above. Some people have even said they admire me for how well I’m dealing with things, and while I totally appreciate the compliment, it’s not something I ever expected to hear. After all, I’m not doing anything special. I’m just dealing with things the best way I know how, and continuing to live my life.

Believe me, it’s been a learning process, and I’m much more sane now than I was even a year ago.  Life throws some pretty mean curveballs, sometimes two or three at a time, so you just have to take it a day at a time. There are days when I don’t deal so well.  Everything becomes too overwhelming and I freak out. Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I just sit still and shake my head, wondering how this became my life. But, I only let the pity party last so long. Because when it comes down to it, I am grateful to be alive. I’m grateful to have two parents who love me very much. I’m so lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and great friends. That’s the only way I know how to deal with it, by reminding myself that it could be far worse, and trying to stay as positive as possible.

We’re all going to have days, weeks, sometimes even months, that totally suck. There will be experiences and events that challenge every fiber of our being. My best advice is to maintain perspective, and don’t go it alone. Find people who truly support you and who will actually be there for you when you need them.  And let them be there. I know firsthand that this is easier said than done, but what I’ve discovered is that the best friends are the ones who tell you to shut up and stop apologizing. There’s no secret formula, no special potion. I’m just a girl, trying to make the most out of life as I know it. If I can do it, so can you.

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Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of negativity in the blogosphere. People getting caught up in competiton, holding grudges, picking fights, and talking shit about others behind their backs. It makes me sad to see this, but it also pisses me off. It takes a lot to make me mad, but here I am, feeling like I just want to shake people and give them a good dose of perspective.

So, consider yourselves shaken. I don’t know all the details of every situation, I’m not in any of your shoes, you may not even know me that well. But I beg of you, get over it. What are you really angry about, and is it worth the energy? Probably not. I’m very sorry that someone screwed you over or broke a promise or started being a jerk to you, but you’ll be fine. Every day people lose loved ones, get diagnosed with life threatening and terminal diseases, find out their spouse has been cheating on them, watch their children go off to war, go hungry, try to rebuild their hurricaine ravished homes, and sleep on the street.

So stop, please, for them. Get over it, the anger and the bitterness, and move on. Be happy with who you are. Appreciate everything and everyone that you are so lucky to have in your life.

They say “home is where the heart is,” and I really think that’s true. I grew up in Massachusetts, and moved to Long Island in high school. When someone asks me where I’m from, that’s exactly what I say. I haven’t lived in Mass. since I was 16, so I’m technically not from there anymore, but I don’t consider myself a Long Islander, or even a New Yorker, even though I live in Brooklyn.

I’ve always been very close with my parents, and I don’t like to be too far away from them for too long if I can help it. When I applied to college, the farthest schools I looked at were in Maryland and D.C. I ended up about two hours away in Connecticut, and that was fine with me. It was just far enough that I could enjoy my independence, but close enough that when I had a bad reaction to a new medicine, my mom could come up and take care of me, and close enough for me to surprise my dad for his birthday one year. When I was looking for jobs after graduation, the farthest city I looked in was, again, DC. I’m happy that I work and live in New York City, a mere hour and a quarter train ride from my parents out on LI. My dad comes in on his day off to have lunch with me near my office, and when my mom was in the hospital, I was able to visit her every day after work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big girl. I make my own decisions, and I don’t tell my parents everything.  But, I am proud of the relationship that I have with them. They are amazing people who I admire and love with all of my heart, and I cherish the time I spend with them.

I’m truly impressed with people who can pick up and move across the country, but at this point in my life, that’s not for me. I’m not limiting myself. I have a great job at a fantastic company that challenges me every day. I have friends in this city from many different times and places in my life. Not everyone needs or wants to step totally outside of their comfort zone. You can still have a happy, fulfilling life by enjoying exactly where you are.  I have goals, hopes, and dreams, I haven’t forgotten them. But, if I don’t accomplish them tomorrow, or next week, or even this year, that doesn’t mean they’ll never happen. I’m making every moment count.

*Note: The photo was taken stalker-style outside of my old house in Massachusetts. It now has a random balcony in the middle of the second floor…and Christmas lights.

Wednesday was a VERY long day. I spent more than nine hours at the hospital while my mom had surgery. We’re a very lucky family. None of us has ever broken a bone or been sick enough to go to the hospital, with the exception of when my dad had a heart attack when I was about nine years old. My mom hadn’t been in the hospital since I was born, and while she and I are both very thankful for that, the unfamiliarity made the whole thing that much more nerve racking.  My mom is one of the strongest women I know, and I totally admire her. We’re very close, and watching the nurses wheel her off to the operating room Wednesday afternoon was one of the scariest moments of my life.

In case you missed my tweets that night, she came out of surgery sooner than expected, and the doctors feel like it went very well. (The reasons for her being in the hospital are not things that I want to share with the world, and I hope that is something you can all respect and understand).  But, like all of the other difficult things I have faced in my life, this one taught me some pretty valuable lessons. I’m so grateful for the relationship that I have with my mom. Although we may not always see eye to eye, we love spending time together, and we’re always there for each other. She is an amazing mother, and I don’t have enough time to list all of the things she’s done for me over the years.  We almost never part ways without saying I love you.  This experience was yet another reminder of why it’s important to appreciate the people in your life.

The time leading up to surgery, and the day itself, were very difficult for me. I want to say a big, giant THANK YOU to all of the amazing people who helped me through it (you know who you are!). It’s times like these when you learn who truly cares about you.  I’m so lucky to have an amazing cousin who spent the entire day with me, and helped me stay calm as we waited for news. (Best distraction: The Hangover)  See, it’s easy to make promises and swear you’ll be there for someone. The hard part is following through.  A word of advice: Don’t make promises you can’t keep. There were certain people who I didn’t expect to hear from, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t. It was the ones who said they’d be there for me, and then weren’t, who really disappointed me.

As this very long week comes to an end, I am exhausted, grateful, appreciative, relieved, and hopeful. I truly believe that life throws us these curve balls for a reason.  That’s why I refuse to let them get me down, and instead I look for the silver lining, or at least try to learn something from them.  Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.