On Sunday, my parents are throwing us an engagement party on Long Island. There are over 50 people coming, and I know it’s going to be a great time. I’m excited to see friends from almost every different part of our lives, and to finally introduce people who have heard a lot about each other, but somehow never met. There will even be a contingent of family friends from the town where I grew up in Massachusetts, and I’m so touched that they’re all making the trek. This party will be a welcome celebration, the first we’ve had in far too long.

Sunday is also August 15th, which means it will mark the two year anniversary of the day my friend Max passed away. I remember exactly where I was when my dad called to give me the news. I was in Cleveland, Ohio with my mom, going through my grandma’s things. She had passed away only a month before. Max and I weren’t best friends. We didn’t see each other every day, and we hadn’t known each other since elementary school. We were only friends for about seven years, but in those years he came to mean a lot to me.  I only wish I had told him more often, because I can’t remember the last time I did. Max was the inspiration behind the Appreciation Revolution, and every day I try to honor his memory by appreciating the people and things I am lucky enough to have in my life.

It’s fitting and ironic, happy and sad, that this party falls on the anniversary of Max’s death. If he were still around, chances are that he would have been there to share in our joy. So, I’m going to have a great time on Sunday with friends and family, celebrating the incredible happiness that Rob has brought into my life. I’ll be thinking about Max too, as I do most days, and how I wish he was here.  But, I know he would remind me (in the words of one of the most beautiful songs about losing a friend) ”Don’t cry….Keep a picture of me in your mind. You’ve got so many reasons to smile.”

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1. Stop worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future, and enjoy today.
2. Appreciate the people, things, and opportunities you have in your life.
3. “Be kinder than necessary, because everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle.”
4. Ask yourself, what do I want today? And go after it!
5. Do something just for you. Put yourself first!
6. Try your hardest at everything you do. Even when things don’t work out, you’ll know you gave it your all.
7. Focus on the positive.
8. Say thank you as often as you can.
9. Do something nice for someone else for no reason at all.
10. Tell people how much they mean to you. Don’t wait.

How do you make the most of every day?

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You’ve probably heard the old African proverb,

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

Well, I am living proof that it’s true.  In my case, it wasn’t a village, but a community, that helped raise me. I grew up in Hingham, Massachusetts, as the only child of the local Reform Rabbi.  The members of our congregation literally watched me grow up, and they became like a big extended family. I spent a lot of time at temple, more than my friends, but I didn’t mind.  Early on, I learned how to talk to adults. I was always comfortable at temple, and I never worried about not having someone to sit with at services, even if that someone was old enough to be my mom.

As someone with a small family, I loved having all of these people who knew me and truly cared about me. When I became a Bat Mitzvah at the age of 13, I invited the entire congregation, and a lot of them came to the service. There was a collective sense of pride that was palpable.  People were always happy to see me around, and excited to hear about my achievements.

The summer before my junior year of high school, we moved to Long Island. It was incredibly difficult to leave everything and everyone I had ever known, including my temple community. The first few times I went to services at our new temple, I felt totally out of place. I didn’t know anyone, and they didn’t know me…except they did know about me.  Almost eight years later, I still don’t know everyone, but I did find my place in our new community eventually. I made friends, joined the youth group, and tutored Hebrew. Although, I rarely go to services by myself (it’s just not the same), I do feel like this community has also contributed to the person I am today.  They’ve been there for me and my family through some pretty tough times, and for that I will always be grateful.

People often ask me what it’s like to be the Rabbi’s daughter. They want to know if it made growing up any different. I think it is what you make of it. Some people drag their heels and resent their parent for making them be so Jewish…you don’t even have to have a Rabbi in the family to feel that way. Others, like me, embrace it.  It’s pretty amazing to have so many people who care about you, and want the best for you. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. In fact, before I started writing this post, I sent a couple of e-mails to people who have known me my whole life, letting them know that Rob and I are engaged. I can’t wait until the news gets around the congregation because I know they will all be so happy for me. That is the beauty of community.

I’ve been talking to some new friends lately about the things that have been going on in my life over the past couple of years. When I tell them about my mom being sick, and being stuck in the middle of stuff with my parents, they’re always amazed that I’m not depressed or bitter or crazy…or all of the above. Some people have even said they admire me for how well I’m dealing with things, and while I totally appreciate the compliment, it’s not something I ever expected to hear. After all, I’m not doing anything special. I’m just dealing with things the best way I know how, and continuing to live my life.

Believe me, it’s been a learning process, and I’m much more sane now than I was even a year ago.  Life throws some pretty mean curveballs, sometimes two or three at a time, so you just have to take it a day at a time. There are days when I don’t deal so well.  Everything becomes too overwhelming and I freak out. Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I just sit still and shake my head, wondering how this became my life. But, I only let the pity party last so long. Because when it comes down to it, I am grateful to be alive. I’m grateful to have two parents who love me very much. I’m so lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and great friends. That’s the only way I know how to deal with it, by reminding myself that it could be far worse, and trying to stay as positive as possible.

We’re all going to have days, weeks, sometimes even months, that totally suck. There will be experiences and events that challenge every fiber of our being. My best advice is to maintain perspective, and don’t go it alone. Find people who truly support you and who will actually be there for you when you need them.  And let them be there. I know firsthand that this is easier said than done, but what I’ve discovered is that the best friends are the ones who tell you to shut up and stop apologizing. There’s no secret formula, no special potion. I’m just a girl, trying to make the most out of life as I know it. If I can do it, so can you.

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Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of negativity in the blogosphere. People getting caught up in competiton, holding grudges, picking fights, and talking shit about others behind their backs. It makes me sad to see this, but it also pisses me off. It takes a lot to make me mad, but here I am, feeling like I just want to shake people and give them a good dose of perspective.

So, consider yourselves shaken. I don’t know all the details of every situation, I’m not in any of your shoes, you may not even know me that well. But I beg of you, get over it. What are you really angry about, and is it worth the energy? Probably not. I’m very sorry that someone screwed you over or broke a promise or started being a jerk to you, but you’ll be fine. Every day people lose loved ones, get diagnosed with life threatening and terminal diseases, find out their spouse has been cheating on them, watch their children go off to war, go hungry, try to rebuild their hurricaine ravished homes, and sleep on the street.

So stop, please, for them. Get over it, the anger and the bitterness, and move on. Be happy with who you are. Appreciate everything and everyone that you are so lucky to have in your life.

They say “home is where the heart is,” and I really think that’s true. I grew up in Massachusetts, and moved to Long Island in high school. When someone asks me where I’m from, that’s exactly what I say. I haven’t lived in Mass. since I was 16, so I’m technically not from there anymore, but I don’t consider myself a Long Islander, or even a New Yorker, even though I live in Brooklyn.

I’ve always been very close with my parents, and I don’t like to be too far away from them for too long if I can help it. When I applied to college, the farthest schools I looked at were in Maryland and D.C. I ended up about two hours away in Connecticut, and that was fine with me. It was just far enough that I could enjoy my independence, but close enough that when I had a bad reaction to a new medicine, my mom could come up and take care of me, and close enough for me to surprise my dad for his birthday one year. When I was looking for jobs after graduation, the farthest city I looked in was, again, DC. I’m happy that I work and live in New York City, a mere hour and a quarter train ride from my parents out on LI. My dad comes in on his day off to have lunch with me near my office, and when my mom was in the hospital, I was able to visit her every day after work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big girl. I make my own decisions, and I don’t tell my parents everything.  But, I am proud of the relationship that I have with them. They are amazing people who I admire and love with all of my heart, and I cherish the time I spend with them.

I’m truly impressed with people who can pick up and move across the country, but at this point in my life, that’s not for me. I’m not limiting myself. I have a great job at a fantastic company that challenges me every day. I have friends in this city from many different times and places in my life. Not everyone needs or wants to step totally outside of their comfort zone. You can still have a happy, fulfilling life by enjoying exactly where you are.  I have goals, hopes, and dreams, I haven’t forgotten them. But, if I don’t accomplish them tomorrow, or next week, or even this year, that doesn’t mean they’ll never happen. I’m making every moment count.

*Note: The photo was taken stalker-style outside of my old house in Massachusetts. It now has a random balcony in the middle of the second floor…and Christmas lights.

Wednesday was a VERY long day. I spent more than nine hours at the hospital while my mom had surgery. We’re a very lucky family. None of us has ever broken a bone or been sick enough to go to the hospital, with the exception of when my dad had a heart attack when I was about nine years old. My mom hadn’t been in the hospital since I was born, and while she and I are both very thankful for that, the unfamiliarity made the whole thing that much more nerve racking.  My mom is one of the strongest women I know, and I totally admire her. We’re very close, and watching the nurses wheel her off to the operating room Wednesday afternoon was one of the scariest moments of my life.

In case you missed my tweets that night, she came out of surgery sooner than expected, and the doctors feel like it went very well. (The reasons for her being in the hospital are not things that I want to share with the world, and I hope that is something you can all respect and understand).  But, like all of the other difficult things I have faced in my life, this one taught me some pretty valuable lessons. I’m so grateful for the relationship that I have with my mom. Although we may not always see eye to eye, we love spending time together, and we’re always there for each other. She is an amazing mother, and I don’t have enough time to list all of the things she’s done for me over the years.  We almost never part ways without saying I love you.  This experience was yet another reminder of why it’s important to appreciate the people in your life.

The time leading up to surgery, and the day itself, were very difficult for me. I want to say a big, giant THANK YOU to all of the amazing people who helped me through it (you know who you are!). It’s times like these when you learn who truly cares about you.  I’m so lucky to have an amazing cousin who spent the entire day with me, and helped me stay calm as we waited for news. (Best distraction: The Hangover)  See, it’s easy to make promises and swear you’ll be there for someone. The hard part is following through.  A word of advice: Don’t make promises you can’t keep. There were certain people who I didn’t expect to hear from, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t. It was the ones who said they’d be there for me, and then weren’t, who really disappointed me.

As this very long week comes to an end, I am exhausted, grateful, appreciative, relieved, and hopeful. I truly believe that life throws us these curve balls for a reason.  That’s why I refuse to let them get me down, and instead I look for the silver lining, or at least try to learn something from them.  Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.

This time last year, I was at a very different place in my life. I was still living at home, finishing up a temp job, and crossing my fingers for full-time employment. My mom and I were getting ready for a girls trip to Disney World. Rob and I were still doing the long distance thing, and my social life was mostly nonexistent. 2008 was a tough year for me, and I was glad that it was finally over.

This year has definitely been better, although not without trials and tribulations. I’ve learned a lot about myself, the person I am, and the person I want to be. I moved out of the house and into my own place with Rob. I got that full-time job, and I’ve been gradually growing with my position and taking on more responsibility.

One of the biggest changes I’ve experienced this year has been the role that social media plays in my life. When I started this blog in January (blogoversary coming up!) I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I figured, if nothing else, it would be a place for me to write and connect with people. I had no idea that I would become part of a community and form genuine, lasting friendships (too many people to link to here, but you know who you are).  I never imagined I would start a revolution!  Thank you all for your friendship and support of Life’s Chocolates this year! I write for myself, but I also write for you, so I truly appreciate every comment and RT.  I am also incredibly humbled and honored by the recognition this blog has received.

I already know that next year won’t be an easy one. I’ll be starting off 2010 with some difficult family stuff. But, even with that knowledge, I’m making a commitment to be positive and make next year a good year. I’m not really one for resolutions, but next year I promise that I will take better care of myself. I will still be there for others, I wouldn’t be me otherwise, but I’m not going to let my own wants and needs suffer as a result. I’m going to do the best that I can in all that I do, continue sharing my message of appreciation, and follow my mantra of making every moment count. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. I’m looking forward to every single chocolate in 2010, crunchy or smooth. Somehow, I will find the sweetness in all of them.

What has 2009 been like for you? What are you looking forward to in the New Year? Is there anything you’d like to see me write about in 2010?

It’s funny how small the social media world can be. A couple of months ago, Grace Boyle met up with fellow Coloradoan, Sharalyn Hartwell, who was new to the social media scene. They talked a lot about the blogosphere, and Grace told Sharalyn about The Appreciation Revolution. Sharalyn was intrigued, and inspired to do a similar series on her Examiner.com column. She contacted me and I gladly gave her my blessing. Gen Y Gives Thanks is an amazing series that continues the mission of The Appreciation Revolution, spreading the word about being grateful and appreciative for all that we have. I have a lot to be thankful for this year (including Grace and Sharalyn!), and I was happy to share my gratitude as part of Gen Y Gives Thanks, yesterday on Thanksgiving. Check out my post, and the rest of the series here.

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Over the past week or so, I’ve been asking people to reply to me on Twitter with the reasons why they are thankful for social media. About 25 of you responded, and I think your answers are definitely representative of social media users. There’s been a lot of talk lately about personal branding, a lot of people getting fed up with certain aspects of the social media world. It was that sentiment, on top of the fact that it’s Thanksgiving week, that compelled me to ask that question and write this post.

Yes, there are some people who use social media partially or completely for their own personal gain. It’s all about them, promote, promote, promote. But, don’t let those people turn you off to social media. They are not what it’s all about, we are. I took the text of the answers people gave me and plugged them into a word cloud generator, and here’s what I got:

As you can see, the most mentioned words (after thankful social media) are words like connections, people, helped, and met. The next level includes ideas, smart,  intellectual, friendships, life, world and grateful. True, this is only a sample of opinions, but it’s a pretty amazing collection. Words like profit, brand, and success are nowhere to be found.

To answer my own question, I am thankful for social media for the special community it provides, filled with smart, caring, talented people from around the world. Some of my closest friends are people I “met” online.

On this Thanksgiving, take a step back. Forget all of the bullshit and drama, remove the negative thoughts and experiences from your mind. Look around at your life, online and offline, and give thanks for all that you have.

A big thanks to everyone who replied and RTed the question that inspired this post. Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!