I’ve been loving this Appreciation Revolution because I’ve always believed in showing appreciation for what you have, in telling people how much they mean to you, if only for the simple fact that they may never know otherwise.
But, writing this post has been difficult and, in all honesty, I’ve been putting it off for quite some time — if for no other reason than I just hadn’t been feeling very appreciative lately. Appreciation always brought to mind serenity, understanding, and happiness. What could I possibly say when life seemed to be taking so many twists and turns; how could I be grateful when I was feeling so discouraged, impatient, and, truth be told, a bit petulant?
I discussed possible topics with Sam, the thought always remaining in the back of my mind, haunting me as new transitions and opportunities came and went. Every once in a while, there was a flash of insight, a spark for which I thought: “this is why I should be grateful.”
I could write about going over to my grandmother’s house a few weeks ago, when we spent part of the afternoon together wandering from room to room, where I listened as she told stories and I relived memories that will forever be conjoined with those simple objects scattered throughout the house, scenes from those pictures in their frames.
I could write about how I gained a greater appreciation for what I have in the face of everything else that had been lost. But, I didn’t.
Then I thought that I could write about the decision to interview back at a company I had once left in order to pursue another opportunity, and the call I had received the next day from HR, letting me know that they would gladly welcome me back, and the warmth I received upon walking through those familiar doors.
I could write about how grateful I was for this opportunity — this seemingly second chance — when so many others are unemployed and in decidedly more difficult situations than I. But, I hesitated.
I thought I could write about all of the other opportunities I’ve had; I could write about how grateful I am for my family and their unconditional love, how they, and friends, and this community, has supported and encouraged me through some of my deepest, most emotional times.
I could write about how grateful I am for a wagging tail at the end of a long day, for my health, for my passions, for finding the courage and strength I’d been seeking so that I could turn into a person I’ve been proud to become.
But, I froze.
Because, honestly, despite all of these things I’m so lucky to have, I hadn’t been feeling so appreciative. And because of that, I was feeling guilty. I wanted something more, something bigger. I think I was waiting for something to change so that I could look back and say, “Now I can really appreciate my life.”
It’s a completely ludicrous thought, and when I really stop and think about it — when I stop wishing for that something more — I realize just how much I really do have.
I think I’ve always known this; I think maybe I’d just forgotten, so lost in a fog of emotion that I neglected to appreciate what I have right here, right now. I forgot that appreciation is about all of these little things, that what matters are these little moments that make up a life.
It’s not about waiting for something bigger, so that you can reflect and say “I appreciate what I had.”
Appreciation starts right here, in this moment.
Because, it’s these little moments that count.
Appreciative Revolutionary: Susan Pogorzelski (@20orsomething)
Bio: Channeling T. S. Eliot, Susan is a banker by day and a freelance writer by night. One of her many passions is exploring the world around her — both literally and figuratively. She enjoys asking questions through her creative writing on Typescript and reflecting on her personal experiences on twenty(or)something. She loves history, technology, and culture, and is convinced that dogs equal happiness.
Favorite ice cream flavor: Cookies and Cream
I appreciate Susan’s beautiful writing, creativity, and imagination, her kindness and caring!
