Letting Time Steer the Course {Lindsey Tramuta}

by Samantha on April 20, 2010

This may be a bit of a stretch, but I think I finally understand what actors mean when they say their lives are not as glamorous as people are led to believe.

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of “oh your life is so fabulous” and “your life is so much more exciting than mine” from friends in the States. These comments are particularly interesting to me, since less than a year ago, I was trapped in a constant state of “everyone’s lives are better than mine” – I was helplessly lost, struggling with inadequacy, and incessantly comparing myself to others who were not only leading different lifestyles, but in an entirely different field.  I was bombarded by news of new jobs, promotions and impressive accomplishments from former high school and college classmates. Yes, I was already married, but I hadn’t found my professional course and couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a failure. But, my Facebook persona, complete with photos of outings in Paris, travels in Europe, and dinners with friends, belied the constant anxiety I felt.

While I may have things a bit more together now, and, fortunately, feel significantly less confused and lost, I wouldn’t go so far as to say my life is glamorous. There is routine, frustration, stress, and setbacks in Paris, just like anywhere else, regardless of whether or not my photos give an impression that I’m blithely going through life abroad as in some kind of fairy tale.

Yet, out of this struggle, feeling of inadequacy, and unfounded notions of failure comes an appreciation for time. I came to Paris and fell in love. With time, the lingering bruises from a series of unhealthy and turbulent relationships healed naturally, and I settled into a new life with new goals. I realized at this point that things generally manage to work themselves out, and that the next time I was in an unhappy place, I would let time take the reins.  I should’ve heeded my own advice when I found myself in an existential funk for several months. Instead, I succumbed to the fear and dread of never finding my way.  Still, these experiences have instilled in me a profound appreciation for the power and grace of fate and time, both of which ultimately rule all.

Appreciative Revolutionary: Lindsey Tramuta (@LostNCheeseland)

Bio: Lindsey is the creator of Lost In Cheeseland. She is a Paris transplant from Philadelphia, married to a Frenchman and on a permanent quest to understand the idiosyncrasies of the French. In real life, she is in charge of Marketing & Communications for an online multi-brand boutique. Check her out!

Favorite ice cream flavor: Pistachio

I appreciate Lindsey’s photography skills, her commitment to her thoughts and opinions, and her fantastic storytelling ability!

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Tagged as: Advice, Appreciation, Learning, Meaning, Paris, time

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  • http://www.bflofutsal.com/ryanknapp/ Ryan Knapp

    Hey Lindsey – Thanks for sharing your story. Time does heal all things, and helps to resolve issues from the past. We are all on a different clock and for what a day is like for some, is the same as a month.

    When I lived abroad I had all people saying the same thing — oh your life is so much better, I wish I was doing what you were doing — but when you live abroad, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. You settle into a life that is much like what you lived wherever you were before. When you are visiting, there is always that sense that you are there for fun and you'll head home.

    But when you make a move for good, that's a different story.

    I definitely subscribed to your blog, look forward to reading more in the future!

  • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

    Lindsey – I'm so glad you wrote this. It's one of the thinsg about “abroad” bloggers (well, bloggers in general) that perplexes and irks me. That somehow everything is a fairy tale when in reality we all have our moments of pumpkin-to-carriage magic and trapped-in-a-gingerbread-house badness.

    You are so very right, though, that worrying and getting into “funks” rarely does anything to improve our situation. Instead, accepting what is and focusing on what we have control over in what might be are the best ways to go.

    That and letting times heal our broken heart, shattered dreams and tear-stained faces. It's usually the only thing that can.

  • http://speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen.wordpress.com Mehnaz

    Lindsey,
    This post speaks volumes. We always tend to push push push to make things go our way, but sometimes it's just better to leave things to the fates and go with it. And as someone who has spent her fair share of times in airport lounges, no being abroad is not all it's cut out to be. You do have to lead a normal life of sorts with all of its daily drudgery.
    Great post and great reminder :)

  • http://twentyorsomething.com Susan Pogorzelski

    Lindsey: I love this post. Love it and I can relate to it, though I can't really explain why in either case. That phrase the grass is always greener rings more and more true the older I get. You always want what you can't have…at least, until you learn to appreciate what you do. And while the surface layer of a life may look glamorous (and for all intents and purposes, it very well may be), you never, ever know what is lying underneath.

    Feelings are something that every person deals with. I don't care who you are, where you are, or how much you dare to deny it. Celebrities feel anxiety, they feel fear, they feel homesick, they feel lonely. They just happen to hide it very well. That's what people see when they read Facebook status updates — the surface layer, a part of you, but they don't see what's inside of you. And it's almost a shame because that's what really connects us.

    I love the fact that you live in Paris. You're living the life (or at least, in the place) of my dreams. And yet, still, having experienced something notto0 similar but all-too familiar, I understand and appreciate where you were then and what you're learning now. Appreciate time. Time for yourself to settle in, time for others to unearth that other layer and see the story behind the fairytale.

    An incredible post, Lindsey. Love it.

  • LostInCheeseland

    Thank you so much Susan!! It's easy to feel envious of others and I've often let that take over and get the best of me. It's unhealthy and dangerous. People can think I lead some kind of idealic lifestlye but it's a life like anyone else's. It's a learning process, as everything is in life, but I'm starting to understand myself better and know when to tell myself to stop pushing.

  • LostInCheeseland

    Thank you!! Some people don't believe in fate, and I'm not sure if that's necessarily it, but there is beauty in letting things be driven by something outside of your control, like time. We are so quick to try to control and mold things in life to fit when sometimes it's not the right match. The match has always been made when I've taken a step back and told myself to calm down and hol don. Not always a successful strategy, but hey…

    :)

  • LostInCheeseland

    Yes! Hell, I'm pretty jealous of my cat right now who leads the life of a princess. Rules the apartment, sleeps and eats when she wants, commands attention of others and doesn't have to fight for affection. But conveying envy of others all the time, is not a way to live. I hate clichés and yet they are so fitting for a subject like this – there's a reason that time heals all, as you say.

  • LostInCheeseland

    Hi Ryan,

    Thanks for subscribing! So nice of you! Yes, the “your life so much better” song gets old and frustrating. I can't tell you how many days have ended in tears and stomping around because of all the troubles in Paris. But it's definitely built my character and I'm grateful for that.

  • LostInCheeseland

    PS can't believe you're from Buffalo! My whole extended family lives there and my parents were born and raised there, didn't leave until after college!

  • emilyjasper

    It's funny what we think we need to have accomplished by a certain time, and if everyone else is doing it, you feel left behind. I spoke with a friend the other day who was struggling because he thought he should take a PhD track. I asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, and without hesitation he said, “A bartender of my own bar.” He was surrounded by all these people who said a PhD would make him happy with a big life, and really, something entirely different made him happy. Hopefully he'll pursue owning his own bar because I can see he's already experiencing “the grass is always greener” symptoms. Thanks for your story!

  • http://www.bflofutsal.com/ryanknapp/ Ryan Knapp

    Yes. You can find some relation back to Buffalo in 90% of the people you talk to. Your parents/extended family are good people then.

  • LostInCheeseland

    it's funny you commented on this because I felt that when everyone was getting jobs after they graduated from undergrad and I was floating around Paris applying for jobs and going on interviews that all ended the same : unsuccessfully. Then I decided to get my master's while everyone else was gaining work experience and I only had 3 years of retail experience and an internship in Paris behind me. But after a while I realized that the path isn't going to be nor is it supposed to be the same for everyone. It's hard to prevent yourself from feeling a bit envious when you hear of other people's successes when you're still trying to find your way, but it's important to let things happen in due time.

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