“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault
In August 2009, I started a Gratitude Journal. I’ve always been able to appreciate the little things in life. So, writing a daily entry in a Gratitude Journal seemed like it would be an effortless task. Although I soon realized that the hard part wasn’t finding something to be grateful for, but rather finding 5 minutes at the end of each day to devote to writing about it.
Not long ago, I was caught writing in that little, black Moleskine. And while I hidden my written words from prying eyes, I did make a verbal confession outloud. With a big, stupid grin on my face I proclaimed…
Me: I think I may be falling in love.
My Sister: Ha. Really? How do you know that?
Me: Because she always asks how my day was.
I know. It’s ridiculous. Falling in love with someone because they ask how your day was? To everyone else it’s called “engaging in light conversation.” It’s a simple question, a polite gesture. But to me, it was extremely rare, and meant the world! It sounds bizarre, and probably quite sad, but until recently, I’ve never had a girl ask me how my day was. Never! I just don’t think they ever cared enough to ask, or had any genuine interest in hearing the answer.
Perhaps this is my own fault. In the past, I’ve constantly gotten myself involved with girls who cared more about themselves than me. It started with my very first girlfriend when I was a freshman in high school. My Mom would yell up the stairs to my bedroom to tell me she was on the phone. And each and every time, I rolled my eyes and dragged my feet to answer her call. For a solid hour, I would listen to her go on and on about everything under the sun (mostly her complaining about cheerleading practice!) Never once did she take a breath of air or ask a single thing about me. The one-sided conversation would have probably gone on longer if I didn’t cut her off at the 60 minute time limit, AKA my breaking point. Despite the fact that my family and all my friends hated her, I stuck with her. Not because I was that crazy about her either, but because I liked the fact I didn’t have to sweat over who I would take to the homecoming dance.
Even into my 20s, the pattern repeated itself. I once had a girl ask me what I did for a living. So, I told her I ran a Network Security Consulting company, but before I could get another word out, she cut me off. She proceeded to say… “Ugh! Don’t tell me anymore. I never understand tech stuff and I zone out the minute anyone starts talking about it.” Basically that’s like saying you don’t care what I do for 50+ hours a week with my life or where my interests, dreams, talents and passions lie. You aren’t interested in learning about me at all. Which I suppose in hindsight was fine, because it left such a bad taste in my mouth that I didn’t care to hear a single thing she had to say thereafter.
Over the years, I came to this conclusion: Women don’t really want to talk. They just want a guy to listen while they talk. And that’s who I became – the guy who’s a good listener. As a result, I’ve become pretty private with my life. I don’t pretend to be the most fascinating man on the planet. So, the lack of inquiry isn’t always a bad deal because there are days when I feel boring; mundane episodes when I didn’t do anything noteworthy or exciting enough to talk about.
Asking how someone’s day was is a great way to open up the lines of communication and to begin building a deeper connection. It’s more than just a polite question. You’re offering an ear to listen. And if they need it, a shoulder to lean on. When you show an interest in someone, you’re essentially saying “I want to be a part of your world, share it with me.” I cannot tell you how much the words “how was your day” mean to me. Just the question alone often leaves me speechless.
I’m grateful for 1000 Awesome Things, but what I’m most grateful for is someone showing me that I matter. That the time I spend on this earth matters. My day matters.
So to the first girl in my life to ever care enough to ask how my day was, I say thank you x1000.
Appreciative Revolutionary: David Stehle (@davidstehle)
Bio: David is the Founder of a Network Security Consulting company by day, and blogs at The Rest Is Still Unwritten by night. An amateur MMA fighter, snowboarder, sport bike racer, & lover of all things adrenaline rush related, he’s also a music junkie, a tech gadget whore, & proud Papa to a skateboarding Bulldog. Oh, & he kind of has a soft spot for the written word.
Favorite ice cream flavor: Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby
I appreciate David’s unending love for his BFF, Diesel, and that despite his many sex-related tweets, he actually has a really big…heart! Seriously though, you’re incredibly lucky if he counts you among his friends!
