We’ve all had days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Nothing goes right, and we’re stuck in a funk. It’s like we have a dark cloud following us around with the constant threat of rain. These are the days when life just sucks.
There are certainly times when we’re truly going through hell, dealing with the tough stuff and totally within our right to feel sadness and despair (to a point of course). But, what about the rest of the time? I’ll be the first to admit that there have been times I’ve wallowed in self pity for no reason at all. A few little things go wrong, and the funk descends. You can probably see the negative energy I’m emitting.
In my more mature moments, I force myself to stop and think about what’s going on and how I’m reacting to it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Have I started a domino effect by responding so strongly to the first “bad” thing that happened? This, my friends, is called perspective. It’s so easy to use, and yet we don’t use it enough, because it’s probably easier to wallow. Try this:
1) Think about what’s bothering you. Force yourself to answer honestly: Are you making a big deal out of something small?
2) Ask yourself, will your stewing, brooding, and general grumpiness contribute in any way to solving the problem?
3) Have your negative vibes infiltrated every part of your life? What kind of impact are they having?
4) Take a deep breath, and put the situation in perspective. Consider this: It could always be worse.
If you need help with the perspective part, here’s a story for you: On Saturday, I was watching TV with my dad when he got a phone call. It was the answering service at the temple (he’s a rabbi), and someone had left a message about a family who was in the emergency room and asking for a rabbi. Several calls later, it was midnight, and he was on his way to the hospital. He arrived to find a 20-year-old boy lying face down on a couch in the waiting room. There had been a car accident earlier that evening involving the boys’ parents. His father had died and his mother was in critical condition, and it wasn’t looking good. Twenty years old, an only child, his life changed in an instant. He lost his father the day before father’s day. I don’t know what ended up happening to his mother, but doctors told my dad she’d lost a lot of blood, so I can only imagine.
Life isn’t perfect. Sometimes it can really suck. But, it’s so important to remember that life itself is a gift. You are alive and that is a beautiful thing. Whatever is going on in your life, no matter how difficult it may be, it could always be worse. Don’t wait until something horrible happens in your life to realize this. It’s okay to be sad sometimes, in fact, it’s healthy. You can stick your toes in the waters of sorrow as long as you don’t drown. Stop worrying so much about the long term. Take a look around and be grateful for what you have today.
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Amazing post Sam, and I completely agree. It's something I always try to do – consider how lucky I am and keep in mind that so many people are going through worse situations than I. People have lost beloved family members, gone through problems themselves, experienced addiction, poverty, human rights violations, etc. It is not easy to always keep in mind that you are incredibly lucky, but we all have to.
Today actually I just wrote a post about this – about how lucky I feel to have a privileged life. But I'd urge people to go further…not just acknowledge you're lucky but do something about it, to help others who are less fortunate with their lives, and to help them live up to their potential.
Sam: What a beautiful post. I was actually thinking about writing one in a similar vein because, just yesterday, I experienced something of a similar nature. The past few weeks I've been handed some difficult situations — often one right after another. Yet, yesterday, I spoke with my mom during my lunch hour and got some potentially bad news that put everything into perspective. And suddenly, all those little things that I had taken to heart and that had been upsetting me didn't matter anymore. What mattered was this.
Sometimes, the little things can feel so overwhelming, can seem so much, that it feels like it's too much. And I don't believe you should discount this because what you're feeling and experiencing is still very real. But then something comes along and, in the theme of your post, Sam, it puts it all in perspective and you realize what matters, you realize what's important.
This is beautiful: “You can stick your toes in the waters of sorrow as long as you don’t drown.”
And so is your post. Great writing, Sam!
PS: That book is a complete throwback to my childhood. I love it; perfect image!
Akhila, thanks! I read your post, and just haven't had a chance to comment yet. Not only have you put your life into perspective, but you are using that perspective as motivation. You're right, it's not always easy, but it's necessary. I think something we often forget about is that there are people who are less fortunate than us in ways beyond living conditions and poverty etc. For example, someone who is very smart and always did well in school can tutor kids who have trouble, and someone who is very athletic and good at sports can work at a sports camp or an after school program. There's so much we can do. Thanks for sharing your insight!
Susan: Very good point. We shouldn't discount our feelings, they are still very real. We just have to set boundaries for ourselves so we don't get in the habit of wallowing and giving up (or drowning, as I put it). I hope everything's okay, and please let me know if you need to talk. Thank you for your comments!
It came to mind as I was writing, so I knew I had to find it
Beautiful, touching, you're so right Sam. This limitless ambition that sometimes we have has spoiled us, into thinking that life has to be all god things, when it's not, nothing like that. In fact, I'm sure we are the generation that bitches the most about what happens to us, when we are also the luckiest ones in the history of humanity. When you think about it, the world is always a better place than it was before.
So, yes, realizing how lucky we are, it's not only healthy for us, but a responsibility as well. If you're going to be unhappy, try not to be selfish at least.
Your story moved me, and I feel it for that poor kid. How lucky we are….
Carlos: You're so right, ambition is great until we lose sight of what's important. We're all so busy trying to fit everything in to our days that we don't stop and look around. We get frustrated when we can't achieve our goals, but we don't realize that getting that far is a lot more than many people can say. I talk so much about appreciating others, and that's important, but it's also important to appreciate our lives and all that we have. Thanks for commenting, and for writing such a great post that was part of my inspiration for this one!
Life is short – there's no doubt about it. I have to keep reminding myself of that all the time. The reason behind this move – the reason I quit my job, packed my bags, and have a one way path planned out for me to start my life half-way across the country is because I understand life is short and see every single moment not being LIVED as a moment wasted. I want to savor every minute – so here I go, taking a leap of faith and doing everything I can to enjoy the wild and crazy ride. Great post Sam.
Matt: You are a fantastic example of making every moment count. What you're doing is challenging, but you're 23 years old and you can do it, so why the hell not? You realize that life is precious and you're making the most of it. For that, I applaud you. Thanks for sharing your perspective! Appreciated as always
I'm late on this (vacation, yada yada yada). This is a great way to think about things however, I think it's important to remember that we can't always be comparing, either. I usually say things could always be worse (it helps me) but maybe to me, my socialized life, my country, it IS really bad for me. Does that make sense?
I'm late on this (vacation, yada yada yada). This is a great way to think about things however, I think it's important to remember that we can't always be comparing, either. I usually say things could always be worse (it helps me) but maybe to me, my socialized life, my country, it IS really bad for me. Does that make sense?
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