That song is a great example of finding out who you can really count on. It's great to have the kinds of friends who will go out for a beer with you, or who are crazy enough to go skydiving with you, but it's so important to have people you can really count on. When you're going through something difficult, the last thing you want is to feel like you're doing so alone. We should all have at least one friend who would definitely answer the phone in the middle of the night if we needed them.

Your second point is totally true. I saw that with a number of my friends when I was going through some tough stuff last year. So, when I e-mailed all of my closest girlfriends to tell them that my mom was sick, I explicitly said something to the effect of 'I know you might not know what to say or do, but the truth is that you don't have to say or do anything special. You don't have to ever bring it up. If I need to talk about it, I'll let you know. Just be there.' And, for the most part, they have been. You've got it exactly right, 'just being there and a big hug can say more than words ever could.'

Thank you so much for your comments, and your friendship!

I left a funeral today with my Dad and he was talking about how the man who'd passed came to see him when he almost died about 8-10 years ago. He was surprised he had while some of his “best friends” hadn't.

Here's what I've learned:
1.) Those situations will often shed light on who you can really count on. It's kind of like the song that talks about breaking down in the middle of the night. If you called all your friends which ones would come regardless of how early they had to get up for work, etc.
2.) BUT, and this is a big BUT. Sometimes people really do care, they just don't know how to handle the situation. I have a great friend that you can bet your ass he'd be there in the middle of the night, but he just deals differently with death and dying (in that he doesn't really deal with it all). He's thinking of you, but he's not coming to hospital. That's just the way he's hardwired.

So many people are so worried about what to say. Fortunately I haven't had to deal with death and sadness too much in my life, but I've learned that really you don't have to say anything. Just being there and a big hug can say more than words ever could.

Ry