Close to Home

by Samantha on February 8, 2010

Home

They say “home is where the heart is,” and I really think that’s true. I grew up in Massachusetts, and moved to Long Island in high school. When someone asks me where I’m from, that’s exactly what I say. I haven’t lived in Mass. since I was 16, so I’m technically not from there anymore, but I don’t consider myself a Long Islander, or even a New Yorker, even though I live in Brooklyn.

I’ve always been very close with my parents, and I don’t like to be too far away from them for too long if I can help it. When I applied to college, the farthest schools I looked at were in Maryland and D.C. I ended up about two hours away in Connecticut, and that was fine with me. It was just far enough that I could enjoy my independence, but close enough that when I had a bad reaction to a new medicine, my mom could come up and take care of me, and close enough for me to surprise my dad for his birthday one year. When I was looking for jobs after graduation, the farthest city I looked in was, again, DC. I’m happy that I work and live in New York City, a mere hour and a quarter train ride from my parents out on LI. My dad comes in on his day off to have lunch with me near my office, and when my mom was in the hospital, I was able to visit her every day after work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big girl. I make my own decisions, and I don’t tell my parents everything.  But, I am proud of the relationship that I have with them. They are amazing people who I admire and love with all of my heart, and I cherish the time I spend with them.

I’m truly impressed with people who can pick up and move across the country, but at this point in my life, that’s not for me. I’m not limiting myself. I have a great job at a fantastic company that challenges me every day. I have friends in this city from many different times and places in my life. Not everyone needs or wants to step totally outside of their comfort zone. You can still have a happy, fulfilling life by enjoying exactly where you are.  I have goals, hopes, and dreams, I haven’t forgotten them. But, if I don’t accomplish them tomorrow, or next week, or even this year, that doesn’t mean they’ll never happen. I’m making every moment count.

*Note: The photo was taken stalker-style outside of my old house in Massachusetts. It now has a random balcony in the middle of the second floor…and Christmas lights.

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Tagged as: Advice, Appreciation, Family, friendship, happiness

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  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.blogspot.com Grace Boyle

    Sam, I totally agree with you. The uprooting and risk isn't for everyone and at times, it isn't even for me. Everyday, I wish my parents lived closer and same with my brother who is back on the East Coast in college. It's interesting – I grew up in a place where you just can't thrive. It's a small town and my parents encouraged me to leave, spread my wings. That meant, I couldn't be close to them (if they lived near a city or in a major area with jobs, growth, etc.) then I would be more inclined to stick around.

    It's interesting really. In return, I know we're just a drive or plane ride away, but I still miss my family so much. I always say, I wish I had a polly pocket of all my best friends and family so I could take them wherever I go. Alas, that's not possible :) but it's nice to think about.

  • http://twentyorsomething.com/ Susan Pogorzelski

    Dear Sam: Please stop living inside of my head. XOXO, Susan

    Seriously, this post is perfect timing. As I wrote to you this morning, I was up late last night (or early this morning) writing and thinking about my own hometown and how much it means to me, how happy I am here. Your post really puts into words what I'd been thinking for the past year or so.

    For such a long time, I wanted to move away. Lancaster is far from a small town yet not quite a big city, and so I wanted to move away to New York or Boston or anywhere but here. I wanted to go where the jobs were, where I could be happy and live as an adult. I never realized that I would be so happy exactly where I am. That is, until I went away. When I was in France, though I loved it, though I want to spend more time there, there was one place that called to me and that was home. My home. The place where my family was and where Riley waited for me. Like you, for so many reasons, I'm so glad I'm so close to my family — in both the figurative sense and in distance. Although maybe not so much in distance. I'm still searching for my own place again nearby. ;)

    I have my family here, my friends here, my memories here. And what's more, I've built new memories and formed new relationships. I wanted so desperately to get away, wanting to be out on my own and become the adult I was ready to be. But a place doesn't change that. That changes in you.

    Home is wherever your heart is. My heart just happens to lie where I grew up. And I am so ok with that now.

    Love this post. It brings up so many emotions and thoughts and ideas but, mostly, it makes me want to say thank you for writing it and articulating everything I couldn't. I'm so glad you're finding that happiness for yourself. :)

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Grace: As I've told you many times before, I totally admire your move to Colorado and all that you've done there. Even though you haven't talked about this aspect much, I'm not surprised that being away from your family is hard for you. It's clear that you're very close with your family, which I think is awesome. You make a great point too. It does depend on where your family is. I'm fortunate in that my parents live near NYC, so staying in the same state as them wasn't limiting job-wise. I love that your parents encouraged you to spread your wings and find a place where you could flourish. They probably wish you were closer too, but they put your interests first and that's great. I'm curious, have you discovered special/creative ways to keep in touch with your family and friends? Thanks for sharing your insight!

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.blogspot.com Grace Boyle

    @Sam Another interesting point is that although I miss my parents/family/friends it isn't enough to debilitate me and worsen my day. It's just that I love them but I know it's not really applicable right now.

    My family and I use every form of digital communication available. My favorite is when we video chat, four way. My brother in Providence, RI, me here in Boulder, my mom at home and my dad when he's out on a business trip. It's easy, we can show each other where we live and we see each others' faces. Other than that, we all Facebook, email and call each other frequently. It's not hard work, it's just how it is. I talk to my mom everyday too.

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Haha, seriously, you too! It's funny how often we're on the same wavelength. I believe it was that Counting Crows song that said, “Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone.” Well, maybe for you, it wasn't until YOU were gone that you realized how great you had it at home. Home is familiar and comfortable, and those are good things…as long as we don't get stuck in a rut. It's possible to live at home, or close to home, and still have a life, still be your own person, still be an adult. You're exactly right. Becoming a grownup is more about internal change than change of location. I'm glad you're happy where you are :) (Although, if I can throw in my two cents, I think a place of your own would be fab!)

  • http://twentyorsomething.com/ Susan Pogorzelski

    Hold tight another month or so — I'm working on it ;) And then you can come and visit ME! And see COWS! YAY! :) Just kidding. We have barns around here, too.

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    @Grace: I think that's the key. You miss them, but you still enjoy your life. Four way video chat sounds so fun! Thank goodness for technology and social media, right?!

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Excellent! To all of the above, even the cows :)

  • http://www.benjamintwilcox.com benjamintwilcox

    My move across country was pretty much a given. I had been out of work for a long time and this new job is better than the position I was laid off from. For me there really wasn't another option. Plus, all of the snow is making me feel at home. :) My parents still live in Cleveland where I grew up. While I love getting back to visit them, the job market there isn't great to say the least.

    That being said, I text or talk with my folks almost every day and I still am very close with them. I really would like to live closer to them, especially for those impromptu lunches and so they can help in crisis. But in terms of engineering jobs right now, my best opportunities were in the east coast. It is tough sometimes for me here, but I have always had my family's support for moving to new places for my career. When I was in Detroit for my last job and Columbus for school, I was still about two and a half hours away from them, so being 6-7 hours away doesn't change much other than type of transportation. Let's just say that I have gotten very familiar with Southwest's ticket booking software. :)

    I definitely agree that the fact your family lives in the New York area is amazing for you both personally and professionally. NYC is one of the places where people move to further their career (if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere) and it just so happens your family is there too! The most important thing in life is knowing what you want, need and can live without. I think by writing this post, you are confirming that you have made choices in your life that align well with those three things. Great stuff Sam!

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Ben: You are one of the people I was thinking about when I wrote this post. I know your job search story, and I also know how important your family is to you. Like Grace, you realized that your hometown wasn't the best place for you professionally, so you branched out. For you, it's kind of like you've been bracing for this move by going farther and farther away: first school, then Detroit, then Baltimore.

    It seems like you and your family stay in touch really well. Cell phones are awesome for keeping in touch, and I think that sometimes people take them for granted. Even though you're not as close to home as you might like, it seems like Baltimore will be a great place for you. Selfishly, I'm very glad that you're on the East Coast :)

    I'm incredibly fortunate that my parents live near a major city, and I didn't have to choose between being close to them and the job market. I'm definitely grateful. Thanks for sharing your story, Ben!

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    There's a lot to be said for being content with where you're at. There is NOTHING wrong with loving your current situation – staying close to home – etc. I moved not so much because I wanted to get away from home – but because it was the next logical step and relationships have a funny way of making you do things you never though you were capable of doing (quitting a job and moving to a new city after living in one place your entire life).

    We often need reminders like these to tell us that it's OK to not be “on the go” ALL the time. With so much “up in the air” over the past 12 months, I'm ready to take a step back and breathe…maybe tomorrow :)

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Like Ben, you were another person I was thinking of as I wrote this post. I know how hard it was for you to move away from your family, friends and hometown. But, I also know that you hated your job and love your fiance. Relationships do have a funny way of making you do things you never imagined doing. I admire the way that you have embraced the changes in your life and made Chicago home. It's interesting, even though I've stayed close to home and you haven't, we've both had a pretty tumultuous year. I guess that's just life! Thanks for your perspective, Matt. Make sure you remember to breathe every once in a while!

  • KellySnyder

    Well said, Sam! I graduated this December (from a major university that's in the town where I grew up), and immediately started as a communication analyst with State Farm (also in my hometown).

    I spent a semester studying abroad, so I had a chance to be completely independent…and I learned that I really love being near my family. I feel so fortunate to have a wonderful job that's so close to my family. I'm definitely greatful that they're so close, since the rest of my family lives at least 8 hours away.

    Kudos to you for appreciating your family!

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Hi Kelly: It's great that you found an opportunity in your hometown. Like me, you've been far away, and realized that it's great, but not for everyone all the time. Kudos to you too! Love the appreciation :)

  • tiffanythompson

    this is fantastic! at times, i've been envious of the “lifestyle design” movers and shakers. but, i kinda like where i live – a sleepy little hampton roads community, just 3hrs south of my parents, my aunts and uncles and my brother. there is something to be said for that. thank you for reminding us that it's okay to be happy with who WE are – not who someone else is telling us we should be.

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com sameve

    Thanks Tiffany! It's been so great to hear from people who can relate to me and my desire to be close to home. If that's what makes you happy, by all means do it, and don't think any less of yourself.

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